To be fed up DH acts like a saviour because he takes the kids to school?

[TheLumpiestSpacePrincess]

He works but for himself. Part time. Usually evenings.

So he is here all day, as am I.

He HATES getting up in the morning.

Routine goes like this...

1. 15am. I get up. Don't even bother asking him to.

Get kids up. Take dog out for wee. Make breakfast. Get uniforms laid out. 7.30am.Clear up breakfast Feed dog Load dishwasher Help little ones get dressed. Shout DH to get up. Make DDs lunch. Shout DH to get up. Check bags and prepare any PE kits etc Shout DH to get up. Make myself a cup of tea Shout DH to get up. Take dog out for poop Shout DH to get up (kids need to leave at 8.25) Wave older kids off.

8.05 Shout DH to get up (shout his name)

Which is responded with a very shouty and aggressive "WHAT??"
With him storming down the stairs barging passed me with "it's only fucking five past 8"

Im sick of this every morning. Then he has the audacity to say 'I get up and take them to school every morning!!'

Yeah he does. And he picks them up.

But I do EVERYTHING else

And I'm sick to fucking death of being his alarm every 10 mins (he just ignores his phone and Alexa) then getting a load of fucking grief for it.

I think I'm going to just start taking them myself.

But then I'll resent him even more for doing fuck all(apart from his part time hours) and getting to stay in bed every morning.

Urgh.

Frankly, one of the most annoying things in a relationship is where one person does something and resents the other person for not doing it, when the other person hasn't had an opportunity to do it in the first place, or has a different view on that thing and doesn't accept it needs doing now

Fuck me I don't know where to start. So basically if you end up with a partner whose convenient view is that NOTHING needs doing now (or maybe doesn't need doing at all) that's not laziness its just something you need to suck up buttercup 'cos we're all different?! And then the same poster suggests taking a cup of tea up to this lazy twat?

How come the kids are expected to do more, or to walk 45 minutes to school simply because all he possibly can expected to do is have a nice lie in - every day of his life?

marylou

That's your choice to do all that, more fool you.
The OP has said why she can't work, she's hardly lazy.
her language is that of a frustrated person, you are mean.

I’m a self employed night owl. I don’t do anything start work most days until lunchtime and most evenings I do some work anywhere between 6pm and midnight. Even while my children are still awake and milling around. This is just when I’m in my best “work zone”. I get up at 8am to wake youngest DC and supervise him getting sorted for school (he’s ten so does it all himself- I just make sure it’s all done on time) and he walks himself to school. eldest DC is entirely independent in the mornings and requires no input from me. He’s up an hour before I am in the mornings.

OP, I don’t think either of you sound unduly put upon, tbh. I mean all these things like getting the kids up, letting the dog out / in, making yourself a cup of tea () - this is just normal morning routine stuff. And presumably once he’s headed off just after 8am, that’s you done until 3-4pm? The same goes for him, by the sound of it?

I think I’m super-privileged because I get up at 6am. I make 4 DC breakfast and help them get out etc. I run two of them them to the end of the road sometimes, because it saves 10 mins . They’re all secondary age. I take DH coffee in bed and wake him up at 7. Deal with 4 cats. But this is nothing really. I’m home at 8am and I’m a SAHM, so the day is mine until 4pm.

Sometimes DH works from home; other times he goes in to his office; other times he is travelling - it depends. Sometimes there are days when he’s just home with not much on (he’s trying to step back from his company), so we might go out for lunch or something. But, can I ask, what does your DH do when he comes back from the school run?

He does every school run? I think that's fair. I'm a morning person hence I do all that stuff you listed in the morning, inc puppy! On an evening that's my rest time once kids are in bed/reading and I've done all the washing up and cleaned the kitchen. Once both are in school I'll have to throw in a full time uni course too and do it all.

At the moment I literally spend "all day" either looking after a 3yr old, or cleaning the house and shopping and preparing meals. What does your OH do when he comes home from dropping them off? if he helps out with house stuff all day/after school & helps out more because of your health condition I think it's a good system.

You are very very lucky that he can be at home all day, do both school runs, and work for 4 hours and support you all. Loads of people with medical conditions do not have this luxury and it'd be a basic carers allowance which is nothing. I wouldn't be moaning.

How come the kids are expected to do more, or to walk 45 minutes to school simply because all he possibly can expected to do is have a nice lie in - every day of his life?
He's up before half 8 and works through the evening. It's hardly lazing around in his pants all day being waited on hand and foot.

The kids should be taking reasonable steps towards getting ready because that's part of growing up (and not doing it is how we end up with kids aged 12/14 coming to us asking where they left their PE kit, or parents calling asking us to excuse their child handing the letter in late because it's been in DC's bag for 3 days and they forgot).

This thread can pretty much be summed up as:
SAHP is an early riser and would be up early anyway. They get the kids ready for school.
Working parent gets up before 8:30am and takes the kids to school but gets frustrated with the early riser shouting him out of bed for an hour before he needs to be up.

It all sounds awful and I feel sorry for your kids in that atmosphere

Behave yourself.

As always OP, communication is important. Tell him you don't want to be his alarm clock, he's a grown man and can get himself out of bed. Talk to him about how you divide responsibilities regarding the kids. Tell him if he sleeps all morning and doesn't take them to school, it makes you unhappy.

Etc. Honest, open communication.

If he doesn't care that you're unhappy, then you don't really want to be with him anyway.

@DishingOutDone well then if a couple is so incompatible that they have such differing ideas about housework and childcare etc they shouldn't be together.

But there does need to be a degree of compromise to ensure that one partner isn't being the Managing Director and deciding who does what and when based on a unilateral decision.

The wife here does not work and the husband does 4 hours per day which he can do when he likes i.e in the evenings. She is an early riser, he obviously isn't. It's out of order for him to just not get up at all if that is one of his agreed jobs, however it's also unecessary for her to be waking him up from 7.30am just because she feels that he ought to be up an hour before he needs to leave the house.

Stop calling him. Stop treating like a child who can’t be trusted to get out of bed. If he gets up late and makes the kids late, let him deal with it.

His part-time work may have to be done in the evening because it may depend on international time zones. And there is definitely a whiff of martyrdom about OP's 'routine' - it's always worth working out what jobs are unimportant or could be delegated to DC rather than scurrying around making work for yourself.

Hi OP I would feel sorry for you but essentially this is a who's the laziest thread. We both get up at 6.30 , do all the stuff you do and more ,both work full time. Getting up at 7.15 and being a SAHM sounds like the stuff of dreams. You're married to a lazy lump but your language in the OP is pretty foul so perhaps your perfect for each other

No offence but who cares about your morning routine? All the people here taking shots at OP because she's a SAHM . What's it got to do with OP that you both work full-time?

What is all this about OP shouting him to get up before he needs to? I bet it wouldn't matter what time it was (a) he expects her to wake him up and (b) I bet he wouldn't get up whatever the time was!

DH has been late for work quite a few times, as he can seemingly run a business with staff but can't set an alarm clock . But I'm not his mother, and if he can't do so, then he oversleeps. I've often walked out of the house without waking him.

Stop enabling his behaviour. You say very clearly the night before that he's taking the DC in the morning, and you'll get them ready. What time he then chooses to get up is up to him.

Ugh.. I fucking hate getting up in the morning. I still do it though because I'm an adult and it's not fair to make my children late for school is it. What a dick, I'd be resentful AF if I were you OP! To the point where I'd be taking his duvet away.

It's all well and good saying stop waking him up, but if she stops then her children are late for school and get punished. How is that fair? He needs to accept his responsibilities and suck it up. He can always go back to bed again after if he really wants.

If he manages to support a family of at least 4 and a dog, and run a car on 20 hours a week working from home in the evening on something that was once a hobby (so not cycling ) then why not suggest to him he works an extra 15 /30 minutes a day which should be more than enough for you to afford to take a cab to and from school in the morning.

By any chance does his four hours of work in the evening conveniently cover the time the children are being got ready for bed, bath, teeth, story, lights out so that is down to you too?

Totally missing the point of the thread but I've wandered over from Money Matters so want to ask what your OH does that makes enough money on p-t hours to keep a family? Genuinely interested!

You are up anyways. Nothing on your list sounds over the top. You can do the lunches and bag checks, dishwasher the night before. Kids can lay out their uniforms. Just let the dog out and make breakfast for the kids. Your DH can sleep in until the last minute.

It sounds like he does his prep for work during the day and then does the bulk of his work in the evenings, just like anyone else who doesn't work a 9-5 pattern.

There's absolutely nothing to suggest that at all!

He’s really not a morning person is he?! I’d be irritated if I was either of you. It’s irritating that you have to shout for him, but it must be irritating that you start shouting so early and make a big deal out of doing normal mornings stuff.

It’s maybe worth rethinking your mornings. How serious are your health issues? Is it a 45 minute walk to school each way at normal pace? Or is that the time there and back walking at the pace dictated by small children and your health condition? If it’s the latter it doesn’t seem like that much more than you taking the dog for two short walks in the morning? So maybe it would be worth you taking the kids to school and walking the dog at the same time.

hollow
There's absolutely nothing to suggest that at all!
Except there is.

From the OP:
He does some prep for work during the day but he works better in the evening that's just how he works best. He does about 4 hours an evening. And it's not strenuous

It just suits the OP to minimise the work he does by presenting his job as some sort of hobby job that doesn't take much effort because that way they'll get the desired response from some posters of "you poor thing, he's so lazy, he wants to have a lie in, he's trying to opt out of parenting".

It's all well and good saying stop waking him up, but if she stops then her children are late for school and get punished. How is that fair?
Or he could just get himself up at the appropriate time .
It's not a case of either the OP shouts him up for over an hour because she is up, or the kids are late for school.
He's a big boy and more than capable of waking up at the appropriate time to get them to school. He can get himself up. The OP doesn't need to be a yelling alarm clock for an hour.

There is nothing virtuous about being a morning person. Sick of this type of Victorian bollocks. I have plenty of friends who deliberately trained for evening and night jobs because morning suck royal dick.

But I'm not his mother, and if he can't do so, then he oversleeps. I've often walked out of the house without waking him

I think that's awful. I get the frustration and I've tore a strip of my own DP for not getting up when he should and having to wake him a few times but I couldn't deliberately let anyone be late for work.

@dontalltalkatonce but if you have DCs they have to be at school in the mornings.
So you have to be up and ready to take them to school.