To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

@TabbyMumz We are not in the UK and it is a requirement here for all classes to have 2 parent representatives to represent the parents at various teacher and LEA meetings throughout the year.

Organising presents for the teachers just gets thrown in as a bonus.

It was all new to me too when we got here :-)

Knowing the teachers will get gifts anyway I get gifts for the other staff in the school - just boxes of chocolates but I leave at the school office addressed to - school office, school kitchen, after school club staff - I appreciate those staff too - and I don't get to see them at parents evening to pass on my thanks

I wouldn't contribute. My children have fabulous teachers and TAs. We make homemade cards and write a nice message in them. End of.

In our school, (this is the 2nd Christmas since DD moved to senior school), some years there were class collections, and other years people organised themselves. But even when organising ourselves, there was a strict edict went out (from school principle and through PTA) that no one was to spend more than €5, and especially not in class collections. So all class reps tended to repeat this message before both Christmas and Summer holidays, the points at which collections/gifts might be considered. And also that there was no obligation on people to contribute either if there were class collections - some people preferred to do their own thing, while others really couldn't afford it and some had personal reasons for not wanting to give at all (general principled stance) or to a particular teacher (occasional issues within some class groups). So there was to be no differentiation between any parents and their DCs on who did and didn't contribute in any way - any presents were voluntary tokens of appreciation for the teachers, with both VOLUNTARY and TOKENS being important parts of that statement.

A number of teachers remarked when we were leaving on how they had received hand written notes from various parents and/or DCs over the years, and that these were often what they treasured the most - an honest note on the family's appreciation of their efforts, and noticing things that they had done or ways that their DC had improved or were enjoying school or the results of their learning.

And also the times that the school secretary and other staff, not just the teachers, were remembered in some way (secretary commented about this as we left too, because we had sometimes put a box of chocolates in for the secretaries and others to enjoy, and many people never thought of them, so they really appreciated them! I had a lot of dealings with the office at times both for my own DC and organising a group relevant to school so having a chat when we'd have time, and appreciating their help was always something for me).

We do a whip round too, as it's easier for most parents and means the teachers end up with vouchers, flowers and chocolates usually.

However, we never pressurise anyone to give money, and we say to give whatever you want or can afford. If people try to pin me down for an amount I say most people give £5-£10. I've previously had people give anywhere from £2 to £15. I think it's crazy to tell people what they should give.

But the thing is - the group collection lets people express appreciation without overtones of bribery/feeling embrassed to not be able to affor much/ the teacher needing to have lots of awkward micro interactions.

If a tenner is too much for you - transfer £1 and forget about it. In our school - it comes round as an envelope that you put money into and write your name on the list for the card- so no one knows how much you gave.

Most teachers work very hard, not just doing their jobs but going over and above their 'hours' to do the best for our children. Most really understand 'in loco parentis' and really are always there for the kids, particularly in primary schools. That said, that sounds like a MASSIVE amount of money for a teacher's Christmas present. I think you should get your child's teacher a gift, IF you think it is appropriate and to the value you also think appropriate. If that means a hand written card, then whatever feels right to you. Don't allow yourself to be bullied or pressurised into giving a gift that you feel is wrong. There is no requirement to buy a teacher a gift, and I am sure it is not expected (by the teacher).

It's stupid I agree with you finances are getting tighter and while I will say teachers do a hard job what about the rest of society nurses doctors police fire service etc we all get paid to do a job and while it's nice to be thanked for your hard efforts people who essentially act the big I am amongst others by show boating and forcing others to feel ashamed in to donating money they just don't have is wrong.

I think a simple card and a box of chocolates or biscuits would do or even just saying £5 to chip in rather than saying the £10/£20 but hey ho some people naturally assume everyone is as well off as them

I used to teach nursery and reception in a very affluent London borough and gift cards were the norm for Christmas/ end of year. Of course they were always very much appreciated, I was amazed at the generosity!

If you can’t (or don’t want to, that’s fine as well!) give towards a gift card, something useful for the teacher is always a nice idea. Some nice pens/pencils, a nice notebook (please not diary!) or a new fiction book. I always kept my ‘teacher books’ separate from classroom books so they were special and the children would take turns to choose one to read at the end of the day.

Being completely honest, any mugs or diaries or general bric-a-brac went to either the staff room or the charity shop as I just don’t have use for 10+ diaries or mugs or hand cream sets every year! Also, I didn’t eat most home baked goods, sorry!

As a teacher, I’d much rather parents did a whip round.

Firstly, I get a decent present rather than more wine than I can drink and a load of soap.

Secondly, you don’t HAVE to give the suggested amount. So a whip round means you don’t get some kids bringing in really expensive presents and others feeling embarrassed about not getting that. I don’t know who gave what and just view it as a present from the whole class, which I appreciate.

Declaring the gift isn’t awkward. It’s pretty standard that you have something to declare, I don’t think the admin staff are judging me based on monetary value of presents!

Your total does sound a bit bonkers. I wouldn’t expect something that expensive. Just give less if you feel it’s too much.

To those saying we get paid. Yes we do. You don’t have to give anything! It’s a bit like giving a tip at a restaurant. If you don’t think the service was up to much, don’t give anything. If you think your waiter/teacher went really above and beyond, feel free to give a good present to show your appreciation!

There are a small number of students who have given me an individual present that I really treasure, even though the student left years ago. So if there is something personal you want to give, by all means give that rather than chipping in. But I think most parents want to say thank you but don’t know what the teacher would like. Trust me, we aren’t likely to need more soap or candles!

My dc teachers may well feel quite envious if they read this. In the past we have done this kind of thing and they get £2 per child, which I think is plenty. That’s £50-£60 for them to buy something nice with which isfar better than 25teacher mugs. To suggest £10 for the ta and teacher is ridiculous!

Fucking hell. My kids' teacher is getting a 5 euro a head whipround for the impending birth of his first child and I thought that was quite generous!

Mind you 5 euros is probably about 10 quid now

A teacher wouldn't be allowed to accept a gift worth about £300 - they can accept bottles of wine/boxes of chocolates and so on but not expensive gifts like that.

I understand they would not be able to as an individual gift but if it’s a group gift from 30 parents?

Here, if one person gave a gift worth $60 it would need to be declared and the school would decide, should be a no as it goes above the limit. However in your example, let’s say 25 families each contributed 12 pounds (sorry, keys don’t do pound symbol) in a group then the teacher would have to declare and reject but it would be okay for the teacher to accept a gift worth 12 pounds individually from each of the 25 families who want to contribute? That makes no sense. 25 boxes of chocolates at 12 pounds a box is no problem but 1 gift card from the 25 families totalling 300 pounds is not.

It is generous. Why would you give a present for that?

Other than the link from the Northern Ireland newspaper article which was lovely the nicest thing I’ve read on here is the children putting the Freddo frog in the card because the parents couldn’t afford to contribute more.... how could you receive that and not absolutely well up. That to me is worth more than a bunch of middle class parents throwing their cash around.

Can a teacher even accept a £300 gift? Box of chocolates for the staff room, yes, but a gift of that sort of value would need to be declared to the school.

Much better to get a blank card, get DC to design it and hand deliver it to the teacher. Job done and the teacher would love the effort that went into the card.

We're doing chocolate with Christmas sprinkles for DS' teachers as he can make them himself. It's the child's thoughts that count (supposedly).

But it could be a waste of time. Teacher upthread said they wouldn’t eat home made goods.

Wow.

No I wouldn’t chip in, I’m sorry the teachers get a card and maybe something from the child if they’re particularly loved. At the end of the year they get a card and maybe a chocolate bar.

We got asked to chip
In £25 per child for gifts ! With 3 kids that's when I gave up. The teacher or your child won't know who has or hasn't contributed and we give a separate gift instead

Morally wrong?? What the fuck are you on?
Teachers work bloody hard and probably have enough mugs and hand print pictures to pay a life time .
We do £10 a child and it’s split between both class teacher and the TA .
Atleast they get someone useful rather than a shitty wineglass with “my kid is the reason you drink” or something equally cringy plastered across it.
If you can’t do 10 then 5 is still more than acceptable

Of course I should add that of you can’t afford it then that is absolutely fine , I couldn’t in my oldest ds’ s primary years so got a card and a little box of chocolates but to say teachers gifts are “morally wrong” is fucking crazy

@FizzyIce £5 is enough?! Saddens me to read that. Please read my earlier post!!

Old retired teacher here.
This is completely ridiculous. Just a Christmas card or a thank you for a lovely term is absolutely fine.
I worked mainly in deprived areas and only experienced a few gifts but I never ever opened them in front of the children as I didn’t want any of them to feel awkward that they hadn’t brought me anything.
I got paid for my job, I think you have to declare gifts over a certain value anyway.
I can assure everyone of you that teachers do not expect a gift. We do not keep a record of who has not given us a gift.
If you have spare money to donate, buy a class gift of glue sticks or felt tip pens!

If you can’t do 10 then 5 is still more than acceptable

5p is perfectly acceptable as well.
Give as much as you want...
There should be absolutely no obligation when it comes to teacher's gifts.

If anyone bothered , I then said underneath that I’d you couldn’t afford that either then it’s fine ...