To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

My SIL bought her son's teacher a goat (one of these 'donations as gifts' certificates)...

Which is rather passive aggressive, I suppose. But also fairly hilarious. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Totally agree with you, actually I’ve stopped posting on these threads after nearly 20 years on Mumsnet because nothing changes!

As a PP said, I don’t understand how teachers are allowed to accept gifts (apart from £1 box of chocs or stationery items for the classroom), most other professions, particularly in the Public Sector are not allowed to accept personal gifts.

I never gave teacher gifts, I would send a handwritten card with genuine thanks and would always support school fund raising events.

And I always say this but I manage a charity shop and we are given loads of unwanted teacher gifts after Christmas

A teacher wouldn't be allowed to accept a gift worth about £300 - they can accept bottles of wine/boxes of chocolates and so on but not expensive gifts like that.

When did this become the norm?

My mum never ever bought a teacher a gift. There were a couple of teachers who really helped me who she got cards for, and when our class finished year 11 we all clubbed together to get gifts and make things for our form tutor whom we loved.

Having to get Christmas and end of year gifts for every teacher is just ridiculous. What do teachers do with all this crap? I’m sure most goes to charity shops or in the bin. Such a waste. If I were a teacher I’d dread this.

SinkGirl

It was the norm in my school days as well, tbh...

not that our parents participated. But there might have been less flying keys if they had. 😅

I wanted my LO (6) to make her a card and write in it herself- is this shit?
I feel so bad that the parent on the group will end up getting all the kids to sign this gifting card but mine

Not shit at all. This will probably be the best gift and I really wouldn’t worry about her not being in the group card. It isn’t going to matter.

This is the norm where I live (more money than sense part of Kent). Queen bee round robins the whatsapp for money, making a note of who has donated what, omitting any children's names off the card whose parents don't or can't afford to contribute. I play no part in it and always let my children choose their own gift/make own card. Every year the whatsapp give the same- booze, candle of some description, bubble bath stuff and John Lewis or M&S vouchers.

We do this at xmas and end of term. It’s £10 per child but completely our choice to do it. For me it’s easier than time and effort finding or making a gift they may like and it’s better than 20 cups!

Those of you who are comparing it to tipping (minimum wage) hospitality staff; the irony is that they actually have to pay tax on their tips unlike, it seems, teachers.

I think you've got a valid point OP, but for the sake of a tenner, you are going to alienate a whole load of people, make yourself 'that' parent and risk your DC's social life.

IMO, this is one of those situations where you need to ask yourself whether it is more important to be right, or to be happy?

On balance YABU.

Our class whip always has about 350 in it. I have no idea what others put in. I put in what I can, they put in what they are comfortable with. We are in an affluent area, but there are still families that can't afford anything and they get no pressure. Some people are such dicks.

Can you suggest £100 spent on gifts and the rest on a Hobbycraft voucher to be used for class supplies?

Put in what you would spend on your individual gift. Much better to have a whip round than loads of individual tat - get your child to write a card if it’s about making your mark. No one should ever spend more than they can afford on gifts and if you can’t afford anything, just send the card. I can just imagine the type of affluent London suburb you are talking about (I used to live in one) where some people outsource everything - for them this is just like paying a cleaner, gardener, dog walker etc etc. You can’t stop it, but you are not obliged to do it.

I am the class rep for my son and daughter's classes and do the Christmas gift.

I only keep a log of who I have received money from so they can check that I got it if it was sent via the children. I don't share it with anyone and I don't chase anyone who has not donated. I get vouchers which can be used in any store in our city and the kids all make their own cards.

I think it is great that parents want to show their teachers how much they are appreciated but I also know the teachers would be mortified if parents felt they were being forced to give money they can't afford.

If it really is an affluent suburb you’ve got off lightly with £10-20. £50 is the norm where we are, more if it’s a “special” year, i.e. last before they more up from pre to prep and then onwards.

Brilliant stealth wealth boast post. SIL was horrified when her eldest started prep and discovered teacher gifts at Christmas included, cashmere jumpers, Harrods hamper and diamond studs. Seriously.

There is nothing wrong with a class gift with voluntary contributions as it may stop needless waste of gifts that will never be used. We all need to be much more aware of this. If the demand for tat falls, less will be manufactured in the first place. We are drowning in a sea of tat. * steps off soapbox

I think a voluntary contribution can be just that. Nothing wrong with suggested gift amounts. And perhaps there are ways to make it anonymous - send out 30 brown envelopes and collect in a box sort of thing.

I have failed in the past and baked biscuits with the children, made home made bath bombs with the children, given seeds, plants, handcream, pencils and notebooks. Latter may have had some use. But I tried. When DD left primary, she chose presents for her teachers based on what she thought they'd like.

Every teacher is different and what they'd really like to receive probably changes through their teaching career.

This seems a primary/prep school based thing from my perspective. Do secondary teachers get gifts? (My experience is not really.)

I think it's absolutely ridiculous. Absolutely no need for it.

I'd imagine that the best gift you could give any teacher is a child who turns up to school every day, on time and ready and eager to learn.

If you absolutely must make a physical or financial contribution in some way then give the school supplies or write a cheque for the PTA.

(Class Rep though? Really? 😂)

This isn’t the norm where I stay. A box of chocs is the norm .
It might be a good idea to chip in but there should be no set amount.everyone should chip in what they can afford

I dont even understand where this "class rep" nonsense came from. Wasnt needed in any of the classes my kids were in.

#AffluentLondonSuburbProbs

Ours is anonymous in an envelope kept at reception. So no worries if you don't want to partake or want to do your own thing.

I usually put in £10 for TA and £20 for teacher. Although last year one parent mentioned casually that they'd put £50 in for the teacher (!)

We usually get them JL vouchers and no one seems unhappy about it all. Can't help but feel that you're over thinking. Donate if you want to, don't if you'd rather not. No need to ask for school policy on gifts!

I hate all this shit, though to be fair in our school the standard amount is a fiver

What very often happens is that one parent takes it upon themselves to buy eg a handbag or some other random thing that doesn’t look to me as if it is to the teacher’s taste. I’m on my third child so I tend to pay up and keep out if it now.

When did this become the norm?
It's fairly common for token gifts at primary school. Usually some biscuits for the staff room or some chocolate for the teacher and TA.

At secondary Christmas gifts aren't as common but cards and chocolate are a lovely token, and then end of year gifts are fairly standard for GCSE/A level classes.

I've never come across class reps though in any school I've worked in. It seems to be a thing on MN, and if I've read between the lines enough, seems to be more of a thing in the more affluent end of middle class suburbia.

'Class Rep' reminds of Facebook admin people. One group I'm on some bloke described himself as a 'Senior Admin'...yeah that's not a thing

But anyway, I think it's fine to do a class collection, as long as no one is pressured to join in or to put in a set amount.

Personally I opt out.

It’s around 5-10 in my sons private school. As it’s private that’s fair enough as my son is fully funded, but most parents pay fees.

But when you have lots of kids and it not just the main teachers it soon mounts up over a year.