To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

The first Christmas of primary is often a teacher present vanity contest. As a primary teacher, I do really appreciate the presents. I’m not a saint; I’m not going to send a letter to my class parents saying don’t give me a present, give it to charity instead! I enjoy thoughtful presents from grateful parents. However I certainly don’t expect them, and would be mortified if any parent felt bullied or pressurised into paying more than they could afford or wanted into a whip around. Also I’d never treat any child differently based upon present or lack thereof. And please, don’t get me glue for the classroom! That’s not a present! If you want a properly funded and resources school, vote Labour or Lib Dem in December!

"As far as I know, teachers don't get bonuses, have loads of responsibility and work hard... at least as hard as someone in the City getting a £5-£20k bonus might. When you look at it that way, is £300 for a voucher really that excessive?"

The bin men, the street sweepers, the librarians, 99% of people in public or voluntary sector also all work hard. Are you giving them all a tenner? Or don't they work hard enough for you?

When I look at it that way I see parents of 3 kids on Universal Credit being pressured to find £45 at a time they can least afford it. I repeat, if you value your child's teacher, vote for a government who values the profession. A £300 Next voucher does not make up for schools making people redundant, and teacher' having to buy books, stationary and lunch for children who don't have any.

I think a fiver each is more than enough. Sounds a bit like competitive donating! As some teachers have said, buying resources for the class, so the teacher doesn't need to out of her own pocket due to stingy funding is also a nice gesture. It's much better than that "worlds best teacher" tat that they don't really want.

I'm not in these WhatsApp groups for this very reason, as there will always be a fundraiser (usually fairly wealthy themselves) in the group pressuring people to give what they don't have, without understanding that many families are under considerable financial pressure.

Just say your child has already chosen a present, so you won't donate. It's your choice, not theirs.

The bin men, the street sweepers, the librarians, 99% of people in public or voluntary sector also all work hard. Are you giving them all a tenner?

Lots of people do tip bin men at Christmas

No one should feel obliged to pay a specific amount, but imo £10 for both the teacher and TA/s and then not having to make the effort to come up with an idea and buy it, is not a bad deal.

Just to add, totally agree with you Ihatemyseleffordoingthis

Wow!
I’m really shocked at some of the amounts on here!
I’m a headteacher & all schools should have a gift & hospitality policy. Teachers should declare large gifts (over £25-£30) in a register. (A very large sum may be declined.
A homemade card is all that is required to show you care!

@LaurieMarlow but they don't pressure their neighbours into chipping in for a sodding vanity gift.

First Ticket Wine or beer!

100% of the people organising these things fall into the "oblivious" category, like the posters who all reckon £10 "isn't much".

We do £5 at Christmas and £5 end of year for teacher presents.

Much better than trying to think of something to buy and the teacher get something worth while.

I think £20 is quite a lot.

I think most people spend a tenner at Christmas on teachers....
So £20 seems expensive...
But as other people have said they probably get a load of chocolates and candles(stuff i normally buy)...
But why can’t this mums group say a fiver each....it seems way over the top expecting a contribution of £20...
I think like most teachers they don’t expect but they know they will receive off a fair amount of the class....so a fiver from each family is still going to be a really nice amount....You get this in every school more than likely

FelicisNox
The WhatsApp groups, class reps, suggested donations is unlike anything I've ever seen in schools too.

Some presents to the value of £5/10 is fairly common, as are no gifts, as are cards only, at least at secondary anyway.

The competitive money one upmanship is an affluent area thing, qnd the competitive who can care the least and bitch about anyone who doesn't get a gift is fairly MN thing.

I think that it is completely ott to do a Christmas and summer whip round of those values. The school should have a policy on accepting gifts.

If I was you I would donate a tin of biscuits for the staff room if you feel like it but nothing else.

In our school we give 30. So that’s nearly 900 pounds. That’s then split into a Christmas gift and an end of year present for the main teacher, TA and a second TA and the music teacher. So actually comes to around 100 per each person per occasion but the second TA and the music teacher get a little bit less.

As a teacher I have to say that I can see both sides of this. I have been given group collections like these in the past (£50 voucher) from a group of parents in the class. It's very appreciated as a single mum I'm not exactly flush and don't really spend any money on myself so I do appreciate it but if it was £10/£20 quid from every parent in the class that would feel wrong and I'd hate any parent to think they need to give that!

When my daughter's class did this last year the parent running it suggested 'at least £10 each' which I though was massively assuming people's financial situation which I really objected to so didn't take part. I got her teacher a nice academic diary and matching pens as it's the kind of gift that is thoughtful and useful.

Whilst I always appreciate the thought I hate coming home with bottles of wine and boxes of chocolate as I don't drink and I'm vegan.

@HuloBeraal
£30! - some family's food bill for the month
£900 - a TA's salary for a month
Sorry, I think that is disgusting. What a bloody waste

I run a dog walking business and several of our clients are teachers. All of them give me as my Christmas present handmade chocolates/biscuits etc or sometimes wine... Nearly always with very subtle but definite signs that a gift label has been removed and replaced.

Mind you I pass on the joy myself! Sometimes I wonder how many times a bottle of £5 Pinot Grigio can be passed on and on and on. I
I suspect most teachers would appreciate a genuine heartfelt hand made card with a genuine personal message - and cold hard cash. Certainly I know my trainee teacher daughter could do with the cold hard cash bit!

We’ve just been asked to give £100 each, to cover the teacher’s Xmas, birthday and end of year presents. I find this astonishing and unnecessary: I don’t even spend that much on close family’s Xmas presents let alone a teacher. I fundamentally disagree with this but if I refuse to pay I will get daggers looks until my child leaves the school.

(It is a private school and I can (just about) fork another £100 if I had to but it feels all wrong)

Teacher here (secondary) and I would be mortified if I ever received a gift worth £300!

Best thing I’ve ever received from a parent and their son was a card with a heartfelt message about how I’d had a positive impact on them and their school experience. I will keep it forever.

spoon
£300 is ridiculous.

But some people on here are honestly getting bitter and clutching pearls over the simple act of someone buying Christmas gifts, claiming that someone spending £5/10 is obscene and staff should be refusing it etc.

I'm not convinced that it's any worse to accept a group gift from people who've chipped in a fiver Vs multiple gifts of a £5 value.

I wish someone would suggest this in our reception class. But then again we have 1 teacher and 3 Ta's for a class of 30 so a tenner between 4 would be sensible. But then I only have 1 child there. I imagine the parents who have 3 or 4 kids feeling differently

Seeing the mug cupboard in the staffroom makes you realise what happens to all those #1 teacher mugs - I used to get my DC to choose a naice bar of chocolate for, and gave a big pack of ballpoint pens to, their teachers. They're both in high school now, so no teacher gift press-gangs anymore, thank goodness...

If people want to give 10 or 20 pounds, it's up to them but I am with you re the pressuring. When mine were tiny my dh was out of work for some time and 5 pounds would have been a lot then.

When you have other children, tombolas, raffle tickets, secret santas, charity shoe boxes, children's friends' gifts - not to mention the rest of the Christmas shopping, £20 per head is a heck of a lot.

I doubt you are the only one of this mindset

Totally agree with you. £20 per child is obscene, frankly I am horrified. Forget the others, if they get narky/snooty tough, bullies and peer pressure exist at every age and you don't want to set an example for your kids of being pushed around. Teachers need decent funding, not a big envelope of cash or wasteful present.

Organising a contribution of any size towards the school funds would surely be a better way to be of use as a parent group. I appreciate not everyone will have time for the old school fete etc, but fund raising to benefit the kids is surely a better reward for any decent teacher?