To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

I'll be honest, this thread has been eye opening. The sheer amount of bitterness towards the idea that anyone might want to give a token of appreciation to someone.

I agree the class reps, WhatsApp groups and some of the amounts seem excessive, but it seems so bloody miserable to equate Christmas gifts as being paid more just to do their job.

I'm starting to think I should embrace the bah humbug mentality and scrap the chocolates and cards for my form and return the gifts I've got for the TAs, support staff and technicians I work with. After all, they're just doing their job.

I’d just put £2 and that’s it. Call me tight if you like, but If they got that off everyone that’s what £60 more than enough to buy a decent class gift. I assume the Teacher and TA aren’t expecting anything let alone the crown Jewells.
That “experienced” mum has no right dictating what people should contribute. She doesn’t know people’s circumstances.

My son goes to school in a more affluent area than reflects my income.

I simply don't acknowledge the suggestions to chip in for this sort of thing. I can't afford the "suggested" amount which is usually more than I'd spend on members of my own family and generally I find it OTT.

I write a card at Christmas and at the end of term for the teacher, sometimes add some sweets, that's all.

Nobody has ever approached me directly to ask, and I think saying "no" makes people talk.

I'm a nursery nurse working in a school and I must say I think things have got out of hand with regard to parents buying presents for school staff, and staff expected to buy gifts for their pupils. If you don't want to, say "NO"

Flippin’ ridiculous. £5 per person and no obligation to contribute.

Yikes, I would think that was far too much at my children's school (private) and would be very surprised if it was suggested. There is no way in hell I would ever expect anyone to do that for me as a teacher and would find that insane.

In our primary class we all did our own thing at Christmas and had a whip round at the end of the year for teacher + 2 TAs. No suggested contribution and entirely voluntary. Just over half the class chose to take part and contributions ranged from £5 to £30, with £10 the most common.
I only know how much people donated as I organised it. Not entirely surprisingly, the bigger donations tended to come from those with just one child, which is fair enough.

We ended up giving £120 to the teacher and £60 each to the TAs, they were made up.

Just pay the tenner. It's not a big deal if you can afford it.

We never ask for a set amount, but instead ask if parents would like to contribute. Lots of parents hand the money in unmarked envelopes and I just make a mental note that they have given something so I don’t ask them if they are participating at a later point. I often have no idea who gave what, and contributions typically vary from £5 to £20. I then divide up whatever we have and buy gifts for whoever works in the class.

Asking for a set amount would really make me uncomfortable.

I am very old, and was at school from age 5 to age 17, back in the day, and in not one of those school years did anyone ever buy a teacher anything. It's a very nice idea, but a class of 30 each contributing £10-£20 - that's some end of year present!!!

Wherer I am you only get a sticker to put your child's name in the card if you have given money - kind of makes people stick out like a sore thumb.

Personally, I'd love to take the £250-300 they will raise to Lidy and do a massive shop for the local food bank. Where I work we do this instead of secret santa.

The only time we had a whip round for a teacher was when DS3's teacher was terminally ill in hospital and one parent suggested clubbing together to buy a gift, which we did.

It seems to me that many teachers would love something to benefit their classroom.How about asking if their is a resource book that you could get a voucher for then just a box of chocs/ bottle of wine for the teacher?

I am a teacher and also a parent. I live in an affluent area and it seems to be customary to do this for teachers. I think that the whip-round idea is lovely, sadly there are many who have no clue, however that £10 is a lot of money to some families. In my DC’s primary school the card was signed from everyone regardless, I thought this was kind and it was done in a way so that there was no awareness of who had donated; some gave more, others less- I think that a genuine no pressure approach is good. As a teacher, of course gifts are lovely, the ones I appreciate are homemade-jam, biscuits, cards etc. The most precious thing to me is a heartfelt email or card, it really lifts me up at the end of a busy term-a few kind words are more valuable than money. I also know teachers who find the money gifts a bit patronising sometimes, I live and work in a very affluent area-some teachers feel that the parents think they need to give money to teachers because they are relatively low paid and this makes them feel like ‘the staff’ (I know- but compared to bankers the are!) so you can’t please everyone- do what you feel is right. Thanks is enough in my opinion.

Pp, haven't read through the replies, but I'm wholly with you on this. I've had one dc go through primary and 2 still in. As yet I've never bought gifts for Xmas/end of term/anything. It hasn't reflected on the way my dc have been treated, pretty sure the teachers have never held it against me. I don't agree with buying gifts, if anything surely a home made card with thought put into it is much nicer? My dc don't even that though. I would NOT be contributing to any pot like the one you've been asked to contribute towards.

We all contribute £5 at Xmas and end of year. Money is split between buying presents for TAs and teachers etc. i also separately buy the office staff and caretakers some sweets / chocolate / biscuits as I think they deserve it - it's the little things that make the difference at schools.

Tisthedeason, you could always do a fundraiser rather than donate the teachers thank you gift.

Charity gifts are fine as long as actually requested by the receiver and for a charity of their choice. Not everyone agrees with every charity.

Sad that many appear to begrudge teachers receiving gifts.

When my DD was at private school, we got asked for £20 to cover Christmas and end of year for the teacher and TA. I was amazed by their gifts (afternoon tea at a lovely hotel and gift vouchers) but it didn't surprise me that parents were asked to contribute this much - I contributed too. As others have said, a group gift is nicer and easier than thinking of something yourself. Do they drink...are they dairy intolerant etc!
Now at state schools, I gift the teachers and TAs myself but I'm sure I spend just as much - I want to get them something nice to say thank you!
And as a teacher - yes it's really nice to receive a gift but one of my favourites has to be a felt Christmas tree decoration, sewn by one of the children in my class. I hang it up every year! (But wouldn't turn down wine, chocolates or vouchers!)

This must be a new thing..... I've been dealing with schools for the last 18 years and have never encountered such shameless oneupmanship amongst parents.

Bonkers.

I know I am loads more generous than my DH would like me to be, but I've generally allowed about £10-20 per teacher/TA and so usually give about £50. I don't care if I end up subbing a whole load of people who can only afford £5 or whatever.

I know it's the teacher's 'job' but working in a school as I do, and knowing how much they have to get through/ extra hours they put in, I think a generous gift is not unreasonable. My best friend was a teacher and would love her big John Lewis voucher at Christmas - it was about the one time in the year when she could really treat herself to some nice outfit, that she didn't have to entirely 'justify' spending money on.

As far as I know, teachers don't get bonuses, have loads of responsibility and work hard... at least as hard as someone in the City getting a £5-£20k bonus might. When you look at it that way, is £300 for a voucher really that excessive?

Your child’s teacher is a significant person in their life - when they are 13 they will probably want to buy a Christmas gift for 2-3 friends, at 5-7 yrs old they are just starting to build relationships outside of the family & are likely to want to buy a present for their teacher. A handmade card is always appreciated, but let your child pick out or make something of their choice & don’t worry about whether the teacher already has several of that item. It may end up in the charity shop, bin or whatever but your child will have felt good giving their favourite teacher a present chosen by them & that’s more important!
To those who say teachers are paid a pittance, no they aren’t! Teaching is not an easy job, but they are paid for more than many other professions. On the other hand, the lady that runs the brownies is a volunteer, maybe you have a volunteer who helps coach the kids at the community football club & increasingly libraries are staffed by volunteers – they rarely get thanks for the amount of time they give up to support your child so if you are going to give gifts on a limited budget, surely somebody who gives up their time free is far more worthy than somebody who gets paid?

I feel sorry for teachers who get 30 smelly candles, boxes of chocolates/biscuits, mugs etc twice a year every year. What a waste. I think it is much more thoughtful to give them a group gift card that they can put to good use on something they need for themselves or their loved ones. OP needs to learn to choose her battles. Just hand over the suggested contribution and be grateful someone else is coordinating it all. Don’t make yourself look like a dick over £10.

Just wanted to add, anything is appreciated and never expected! Crumpled up bits of hastily scribbled paper, chocolate, wine all gratefully received and acknowledged...apart from mum's lipstick from her dressing table...that was returned . I was amazed to receive an Amazon gift voucher at the end of the year...I did what I normally do in Amazon and purchased reading books to share with my class. If it's done as a token of appreciation I am truly thankful. However please don't feel pressured into doing it, that would make me feel uncomfortable. As an aside I would like to add I also buy all the children something to put in the class advent calendar, a Christmas present, an Easter treat and an end of year gift, because I want to. As well as numerous resources through the year and prizes / treats for the children throughout the year. Yes it is my job and I do get paid to do it, I don't have to buy those children anything but I prefer to think it enhances their school experience and hopefully shows how I much I value each one of them.

I'm a head and would be mortified at the thought of collections and an expectation for parents and carers to contribute. We are in a deprived area, some staff receive a box of chocolates, possibly wine and some homemade gifts, often we receive cards which are really appreciated. Our children love posting their cards at school and seeing their teacher receive them. There is no expectation and we would all feel very uncomfortable if there was, we do the job because we want to.
As a head I believe a thank you goes a long way...my staff receive a card and a small gift from me, because I want to say thank you...this comes from my pocket, not the school bank account. Like staff I spend my own money on a whole host of things that the budget can't cover.

More at the end of the year (e.g. academic diary set for next year).

You do know that staff are given diaries by the school, don't you?