To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

And I agree - hundreds of pounds for a teacher's present is just ridiculous! I get £50 worth of vouchers as a Christmas present from a team of senior managers and am always really grateful for their generosity!

Stationery is a great idea actually - i like the thought of something useful that saves their own cash, and they don't have to take home.

I have no issue whatsoever with a gift for my DC’s teachers and assistants. I think they do a fantastic job but it does feel relentless the amount of money we are constantly asked to contribute towards the school for various things. I don’t think anyone should feel under any pressure to give something they aren’t comfortable giving.

I would like to Add that it frustrates me that the TA gets LESS!!
As amazing as teachers are- they get paid more than TA's who I always think should get more than the teacher - just to recognise this fact. TA's work so hard without the Pay

We have this every summer/xmas at our school and yes it is easier. It is also quite bonkers.

e.g - one year 400 voucher for a teacher - 50 each TA.

We always used to get our children to make a card themselves, and then put a little passport photo in it, and the Teacher always seemed to love it, as they said it was lovely to look back over their gifts and remember the kids they taught. When did we stop teaching folk that its the THOUGHT not the AMOUNT!

Personally in a class of 30 kids, I'd be happy to give £2. That's a£30 voucher for the teacher and TA & do a home made card. That's probably more than I have spent on me at home for Christmas. Maybe I'm just tight :)

We have always done it at my school but there is no obligation to put in a set amount of money (though no-one put in more than £10). Last year, there were two teachers and a TA and we gathered all the money together and bought them an afternoon tea voucher. They were really pleased. By the time I'd have bought /made presents and cards, I'd have spent more than a tenner.
A few people didn't get involved but I don't think anyone cared. Don't worry about it x

At one of my kids' schools (a very wealthy community), the school ended up putting a cap on the gift amount because some teachers were getting hundreds while others, not so much. Also because not every family could afford the same.
£5-10 seems ok as you often end up spending that anyway.

We do this every Christmas and end of summer term at my sons school and I think it’s better than the teacher ending up with 30 boxes of Milk Tray. I am happy to chip in £5 or £10 pounds. But we don’t have any expectation that people contribute, you just can if you want (most do). I would get stressed out about it, contribute or get an individual gift.

I like the suggestions of stationary supplies.

I also work in School Governance so I can tell you that there isn’t a cap on teachers gifts but they would have to declare them over a certain amount (over £20 I think)

Wouldn’t get stressed about it that should say.

I completely agree with OP's post.. and I think its unfair on families with more than just one child at the school or who may be going through hard times since the eager collectors know exactly who has put in how much etc...
I liked the teachers and so I didn't mind the Xmas one, the kids enjoyed the little presentation at the end of term, which was sweet and it was more convenient to put in £5 for teacher and TA each, but it was annoying to hear well off mums boasting about how much extra they'd put in as it turned into a competition for most supportive, most holy parent and then endless discussions about which gift or gift vouchers were just toooo much. Also our school started this at Christmas and the one bright spark said what about Easter and then it was at the end of term too.

You say the school hasn't got a policy on it OP, they should have. Like many things at school, it can start off with the best of intentions but get turned into something else.

Worst thing is, the parent who organises is records carefully who has contributed and then signs the card only from those kids. So if you haven't got money, are forgetful or whatever else, your name isn't on the card.
That’s appalling. When I was a kid my parents couldn’t have afforded a tenner from me at Christmas and I think people who say you’d spend that on a takeaway without thinking need to have a think about the possibility that not everyone has the same financial circumstances.

Teacher myself, I bet the teacher has spent a hell more of her own money on resources for her class (where your child spend most of five days a week!) £10 gift for 2 is absolutely fine. Don't give if you don't want to but don't moan about the idea, just ignore it.

Firstly why even be in a group with all the mums?
Secondly stand your ground they are being ridiculous, she's a teacher not some volunteer at a homeless shelter and I'd be embarrassed by such a gift.

You’re not in the minority alone I’m with you! The whole WhatsApp group irks me enough... do I really to be contactable to every parent my child happens to be randomly placed in the same class as?! Sure my parents coped with getting all the information directly from school!
£600 is bloody ridiculous! I’m sure most people at Christmas time would love a couple of hundred quid of vouchers as a Brucey bonus!!! There’s a really weird form of social climbing that goes on with parents and the school, you always get certain mums who go above and beyond to ingratiate themselves to the school body in this way. £3 maximum would be more than sufficient, £30 each for a teacher and two TA’s. Absolutely more than enough!
However I’m going to completely contradict myself now and say if the whole class has said yes, I would have to grit my teeth and go along with it. All be it Very VERY BEGRUDGINGLY!
They’re annoying twats but at the end of the day their children are your child’s peers and you don’t want to isolate yourself.

I think this is awful to expect parents to fork out that amount. Alot of parents are struggling, some don't want to admit it to school or other parents, I know I don't. I couldn't afford to do that and we certainly don't buy takeaways for this reason so why would I nip into our food and power money and do without to pay that amount. £10 is a weeks shopping for us and would rather use it on essentials. The kids have a £20-£30 budget each for christmas presents which includes clothing, depending what I manage to save over the year so why would I spend the same on a teacher anyway? I'm already in a situation now where they want a donation of a gift set per child for the christmas tombola which is another thing I can't really afford as they are normally £4-£5 so for 2 kids looking at £10 from what I've seen. If you think it's unreasonable, just give what you feel appropriate and don't put yourself in a bad position financially op. It's not worth it.

Just do your own card and an indi gift and don't worry about it. We are not all sheep.

I don't think you're ever obliged to make a gift and anyone who tries to shame you for not giving is out of order. If you don't want to give, don't give.

Agree totally with you op. Maybe a contribution at the end of the school year but £10 per child is disgusting when there are 30 in the class. She chose to be a teacher, it is her job. A lot of us have 'caring' roles that don't ever receive extra rewards.
If she is such a carer maybe she would like the class donations to be gifted to a charity.

Wild child, well said.

I’d say a £5 donation would be more than enough.xmas is so expensive never mind spending this amount of money on a teacher every year...and what if you had 3 children? Surly most wouldn’t be able to afford that.xmas I always did a bottle of red wine thinking if they didn’t drink it they could use it to cook with or re gift. End of year I either did a £5 costa voucher (which always went down amazing!) or a oxfam voucher to supply children in poor countries with school supplies which I also thought was fitting. There is no way in this world I would spend £20 on a teacher at Xmas!

Ten pounds isn't a lot these days. I would contribute rather than feel ostracised

OMG... there is a girl at my daughter school doing this. Shw has askes 4 £4 and that covers the teacher and the TA

£300 a complete joke.

Sorry but.... seriously?

We bake at the end of the summer term and give a card too. The teacher always appreciates it in a little note back.

It'll be having a tenner each whip round for Easter eggs next...

@Happygirl79 your forgetting theres alot families including working families that are struggling and can't afford to pay out that amount.There will be some if they do pay, where they will have to go without just to keep up appearances of not struggling.