To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

It’s not a bad system you don’t want to contribute so you don’t end of story. The op seeking to prevent others contributing is where it gets weird

We never did more than £5 and still managed to get good gifts for all the staff.

Biggest issue in our LA is all school staff need to declare any gifts over £10 now. So staff feel awkward about receiving gifts as we then have to tell our business manager so they can submit it to the council.

Sounds completely insane (ours is £3)! But it's London, innit.

I think a whip round is fine and a good idea. It’s the pressure about the amount of money that I object to and it’s the £20 in OP scenario that I find ridiculous.

I put a fiver into our collection, I think 5 x20-30 is enough to get a chunky voucher.

One of my kids has SEN. I would always get his TA a really nice generous present and now he’s in a special school I buy for his lovely driver and escort.

So someone suggesting that I put £20 in would make me feel mean. And I’m really not.

Anyone that gives any thought to anyone else’s contribution let alone makes a comment about it is a dick and seriously needs to get a life.

When I was a teacher I cried buckets when a clock given to me by a pupil finally gave up the ghost. It was tacky as hell with World’s best teacher written on it, but as a memento of the year I poured into that child, and all we achieved together, it was priceless. A gift card would be nice, but not the same.

On the other hand, the duster with Best teacher written in it was used, but lived at the back of the drawer!

Oh, and I have kept every handwritten end of year note/card from parents. Over 33 years that’s a lot, but when I read them it means so much, especially in the cases where there were challenges or great achievements.

I bet you were a great teacher @Flyingdaisy the kid that bought you the clock probably never forgot you

He came to visit me as a young 20 something young man. His parting salutation was ‘stay safe’. He remembered we are bikers and then had one himself. Such great memories

If you don't want to, fine. But why stop others? It's a system that worked well for me and my three children for 13 years. I would be seriously irked if a newbie shut it down.

(I also as class mum for what felt like an eternity , always listed all children's names etc no matter if their parents contributed or not)

It’s not a bad system you don’t want to contribute so you don’t end of story. The op seeking to prevent others contributing is where it gets weird

Yup

Just to reiterate I stated that I was disgusted by any teacher who would accept a gift of £100+

And that sort of gift - from one parent, to one teacher - would almost certainly be seen as inappropriate. Why? Because it could be seen that that parent had somehow “bought” undue influence over that teacher. But a class gift, from a whip-round, is wholly different. It’s 30 small/token gifts all combined together. To me, it’s a practical way of doing it for the parents which results in something more useful for the teacher and is a better use all round of everyone’s money!

I too would be disgusted with a teacher that would accept a significant financial gift like that. Wholly unprofessional and would certainly be in breach of codes of conduct for other professionals. The odd bunch of flowers or bottle of wine is no issue. £300-£600 is ludicrous in a state school. Id be raising it elsewhere.

I've done the collection a few times. Suggested donation a tenner but whatever you want to give. Some gave £20 and someone gave £2 it doesn't matter.
The card gets signed love from all your class anyway so no one is left out.
I usually get around £300 and split it between The TA's and teacher.
Usually vouchers and flowers. Maybe a bottle of wine too.

I have my sons key worker a 100 + gift just from me when he moved nursery rooms, his key worker had gone above and beyond for him and made him feel welcomed and loved. She was very touched and those who are saying that teachers are disgusting for accepting those kinds of gifts need to lighten up! I can recognise the hard work that goes into working with children and it’s nice to show appreciation.

gave*

Id be raising it elsewhere.

Where would you be raising it? She's already emailed the school.

I work in the public sector and went one evening to deliver a talk to some doctors as part of their continual professional development. ( I’m a different agency). At the end of the talk they presented me with two bottles of wine.... “ honestly thank you but no thank you I won’t be allowed to accept it.” “ no, no you must I insist”. Ha ha. My god I diligently reported the gift, had to complete a form detailing how I came to be given them and then wasn’t allowed to keep them. Next time I’m going for the £££££ ..... or maybe just a nice email to my boss !! .

I'm concerned that threads like this castigating a hypothetical teacher as immoral for accepting some gift vouchers create pressure on teachers - frankly, I find them petty and don't think they come from a kind place. No parent thinks that people that can't afford to or don't want to should contribute to a whip round. There are many pressures you have to stand up to for things you don't agree with in life without making it some sort of 'let's ban it all' campaign.

Should we have a state panel to decide the acceptable level of teacher gifts I wonder? Legislative ban? Let's all raise it to our MPs, after all, Christmas is coming and the plays are already being rehearsed.

I shall enjoy putting together my teacher gift this year..... I’m doing a Teacher Survival Kit. My DD7 adores her teacher.... adored the last one too. In fact I got a little bit 🙄 at the number of pictures and cards with I Love You on them drawn lovingly to give to the teacher each week. I thought the teacher might be a bit bored of receiving them but nope... she loved them. Well done her... she was great.

Why on earth should teachers feel guilty accepting a gift which is a lot of small individual donations put together?

I work in an organization where I cannot accept more than 15 pounds in a gift from an individual.

I still don't see why teachers shouldn't have a gift card. Why would people want to get involved in other's gifting.

I think you ANBU at all! A maximum of £10 would have been one thing but to even bring £20 into it was absurd imo particularly as there are only 2 of them. In our school all the teachers seem to jobshare as do the TAs so often 4 presents to buy so a tenner split between 4 doesn't seem so bad. Last year the parent rep suggested £16 per family and I was so pissed off for some of the parents who I knew fine well couldn't afford that so basically were prevented from joining in the whip round that I bought my own wine for them, which came to more than the £16 but I didn't care. In my other DCs class no amount is mentioned so it can be anything from £2 to whatever (most do £10) and all names go on the card.

I think telling people what to contribute is as bad as trying to stop the whip round altogether. When done properly it’s great. I would be irked if some neurotic new parent shut down a helpful to many system.

And it's not just £10 - these costs really add up!

In one of my children's school they ask for £30, plus various other pre-Christmas things, carol concert tickets to hear your child sing, donations for hampers and then raffle tickets to win said hamper, toy donations for their events, pocket money for the children for these events and so on...