To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

StripyHorse
I find the parent reps, class collection thing, pushing a set amount etc to be absolutely bizarre and unlike anything I've ever experienced as a teacher

But as you say 30 smaller presents wouldn't seem bad.

Just like I can't hand on heart say that a group of primary school parents throwing a fiver into a kitty for one gift is any "worse" than my 6th formers clubbing together to get me one thank you gift from the class at the end of college.

It's interesting how many people on here would have no issue with an optional £5 gift or £10 gift from one person, or would easily spend £5+ on ingredients or materials for a craft based gift etc but seem to have a massive issue with people clubbing together. It doesn't seem to make any logical sense to me as an argument.

A card with a nice note is plenty, and the vast majority of teachers will say the same. Please don't ever feel you need to contribute to a class present when you can't afford to. Just say no. I do object very strongly to the couple of posters who are calling teachers greedy. Every year I spent several hundred pounds of my own money on resources and equipment for my class and didn't grudge it because it made my classroom look nicer and gave the children a better experience. I also bought small Christmas presents for the pupils out of my own money and know lots and lots of other teachers who do the same. Was that disgusting too, or is it only disgusting the other way round?

Another high school teacher here. We dont get gifts. So here’s my list:

One of those BIG pritt sticks. No cheap Alternative. That crap is what the school buys and they last days

A fancy pencil sharpener. That you turn the handle and it sharpens.

A set of felt tips.

A load of top trump packs for entertaining the children while on my lunch break. Lunch break lol

Bunting. Relevant to my subject bunting. I keep planning to find out how to make by printing and ironing, but here i am in mumsnet instead.

Generic mugs for our staff room so people Stop stealing mine

Money on my photocopying account.

I wouldn’t put. I do not give the teacher ten pounds more like three. And the school is disappointing in its response and very very grabby. Teachers should not expect or want this but this lot obviously do.

Totally U to expect this. Crackers!

I think it is a bit ott for Xmas gifts and puts unreasonable pressure on parents. Tbh I would go along with it so my DC didn't feel.left out but I think a contribution of £5-10 per child is plenty.
It's a better idea when used for end of year gifts, makes sense to give one generous present or vouchers than 30 best teacher mugs . If you were planning to buy end of year gifts you'd probably spend about £5 per gift then anyway.
I do agree with you about teachers presents, they are doing a job but obviously also caring for and teaching your child but some presents are excessive and in some cases I think are more about the giver/parents showing off than the saying thank you to the teacher.

I just wanted parents who buy gifts and donate to collections to know that the teachers I know are incredibly grateful for anything they receive.

I do spend a lot of my own money on things for the classroom. In the past week alone - Christmas decorations, raffle prizes, chocolate milkshake, reward stickers and a few bits from Poundland for the wet play box. I doubt parents realise how much we all spend really.

And at Christmas I am honestly so appreciative of any gifts - cards, notes, handmade gifts, anything.

I am always on my own on xmas day so I sit and open them by myself and they mean such a lot.

To me, it feels like a genuine thank you - not necessary, but so appreciated - for all of the times I go in early, work late, spend my weekend working, lie away worrying about one or all of the children, spend money on resources to make them happy, plan a residential, staff a disco and so on.l; it really is the thought that counts.

While not in any way compulsory or expected, those gifts are the only ones I open at xmas and I love every one.

Nobody is forcing you to chip in.

£20 is quite a lot. I usually spend £10-15. Sometimes we have given a communal gift. This year I was thinking of a book token for DC's teacher. I have given wine, chocolate, flowers and plants in the past. I would think the TA would probably get a token gift out of the pot - maybe wine and flowers. I suppose it depends if the TA is in that class much.

Communal gifts obviously make sense more than loads of little gifts that the teacher probably won't be able to use. That said there should be no pressure to contribute and there shouldn't be a set amount.

There is probably a policy in place that covers gifts. Usually £20 max. All have to be declared

£10 sounds OK to me. £20 is a bit OTT but surely who gives what should be anonymous, somebody will have a big envelope or a tin which everyone puts into. I don't know how these things work but that's how I feel, parents should not be pressurised into giving more they can afford. If the money was collected that way you could put in a fiver and no one would know. Not that a fiver is anything to be ashamed of.

I taught in a deprived area and never received a Christmas present in my entire career. Clearly I should have moved elsewhere and scored £300 of pressies! I got paid for my work and never expected anything. I considered it kind if a pupil gave me a card. Surely £1 per pupil would suffice - £30 is a decent gift.

The poor definitely do go to the sane schools as the rich. especially in London. Get over it, and develop some sensitivity.

I organise our one. We do £5 Christmas and £5 summer. That's between the teacher and two lsa. The get flowers or chocolates and a voucher each, usually about £40 voucher each. I get all children to write on the card if they have donated or not. You can't get a card and a bottle of wine for less than £5 so most parents are happy to take part. To be honest I think £7 would be better amount to give however I can't be bothered with the change. I always give £10-20 and just top everything up. Don't be ridiculous, teachers don't declare the gifts and no school shouldn't control what people want to do. Teaching is a bloody hard job, my children have been lucky enough to get good teachers who have nurtured and made them happy to attend school so I'm happy that the gift is appropriate.

I'm actually insulted by several of the posts saying how disgusting it is for teacher to accept these gifts. Every year my class get mini Easter egg baskets, mums get daffs on Mother's Day, a small present at Christmas (colouring pencils and a drawing book), each get a birthday card, I do Chinese crackers on Chinese New Year and pay for the battery tea lights on Divali. That's before any resources I get for class. I don't do that to get a Christmas present but I'm also not paid for it so to suggest that teachers are money grabbing is disgraceful.

I loved what my son's school did last year (am hoping they send the same letter this year) - that some of the teachers were giving things to the homeless after the last day of school and rather than presents would appreciate donations for them to distribute

Yes we had to pay £30 last Christmas and the same again in the summer. It’s starting again for this Christmas. Then just a couple of the mums take all the glory when presenting the gifts. Annoying.

The majority of families whose children I teach are poor as church mice, and also not Christian in the main, so I don't get gifts for Christmas. I did however get a voucher when I had DC1 after almost a decade of being asked by increasingly concerned mothers of pupils when I would ever have a child of my own. It was for quite a bit of money, as vouchers go, but more like a few quid per family, rather than a 3-digit total. It was such a surprise as my school just doesn't have a gifting culture. I was so touched and cried all the way home.

Just to reiterate I stated that I was disgusted by any teacher who would accept a gift of £100+ amounts that was originally stated by pp.

£5 seems about right to me, don't have an issue with a collection though at the right price point

DS went to a primary in an affluent part of London, and a mum turned up at Christmas with enormous Jo Malone bag each for teacher & TA of reception class. Made my Body Shop bag look utterly shit, but hey ho.

Interestingly this sort of came up on the school council last year (pta equivalent) - for one of the fundraising events. Some over eager parents sent out flyers implying every family MUST donate $X plus buy something plus volunteer etc. We are in one of those affluent areas which also has an extremely disadvantaged population - multi million $ houses but also something like 5+ women’s shelters. The teacher rep gave feedback that this meant some of the poorer parents approached her and felt ashamed they couldn’t do this. The organizer took a lot of offense at this - she couldn’t understand it because she is a very well-off sahm with time and money to burn.
In my previous (also well off area),I know of a woman whose husband was so financially abusive that although she may have had a phone to communicate with, she had zero access to any other money - he put only enough gas in her car to get her to the grocery store and back and she had to account for what she bought.
These two things, among others, have really helped me try to stop making assumptions about people.

Point being no one knows what might be a family’s true financial situation, no matter how rich an area you are in. and asking is putting pressure on especially if it’s a public ask. I did not contribute to the class end of year gift this year particularly because the parent rep wanted to spend something like $50 on a dozen fancy cookies or something ridiculous - I bought our own gift card.

I do seriously question the “pressure” thing. Round here it’s seen as a favour if someone organised a whip-round means you don’t need to get your own gift no one would bat an eyelid if you didn’t join lots of people don’t.

Frankly after a recent birthday party dealing with only 6 dc which literally drove dh and I to drink I think teachers deserve a token of recognition at Christmas - am biased though as most of my family teach.

I don't give anything to my kids' teachers. They get paid to.do their job and I have enough expense at Christmas as it is. Another mum who was out of work was really upset one year as she felt so bad thinking she was the only one not giving something, but she could barely put food on the table. It's a bad system!