To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

Of course there is pressure if most people are doing it. The thought of handing over a stack of cash for Christmas and /or end of year is just vulgar. A lovely handwritten card from a child would mean so much more- that's if it's really 'not all about the money'

Believe it or not, many people want to give teachers a token of their appreciation.

The thought of handing over a stack of cash for Christmas and /or end of year is just vulgar

Says who Hyacinth?

Vulgar is just another way of saying ‘I’ don’t approve. But no one gives a stuff what you think.

What better way to show appreciation than something personal from the child?
That amount of money is obscene!
If we rewarded everyone for doing a good job, the emergency services would be in much better shape- THIS is all about playground snobbery.
OP, you are right to feel naffed off by this. Give what you can afford, if you feel it's warranted. I suspect you feel it isn't, in this case.

Oh do pipe down, Laurie- unless you think you are speaking for everyone.

That amount of money is obscene!

Says who?

I gave my sons Montessori teachers a generous voucher, because I was so very appreciative of what they’d done for him. My money, my choice.

Better than getting the same value in presents that aren’t necessarily what the person will use.

It’s possible to also give them something personal from the child. Mind blowing, I know.

Oh do pipe down, Laurie- unless you think you are speaking for everyone.

Oh sorry, are you MN police now? Do tell me what guidelines I’m breaking and what authority you have to tell me how to post.

Thanks!

Enjoy your evening Laurie, didn't mean to upset you

Oh you didn’t

What better way to show appreciation than something personal from the child?
That amount of money is obscene!
£5 per student isn't obscene. £10 at primary seems a bit much for Christmas though in my opinion.

The way I think about it is that one year my 6th formers bought me a lovely bunch of flowers, some fizz and a voucher for a local cafe. They wrote me a lovely card too. Over time I've had gifts from students range from cupcakes, books, notebooks, gin, flowers, art work inspired by some of my favourite books.
Now the gifts from 6th form/GCSE groups tend to be really well matched to my tastes and some of the books they've bought me have introduced me to new authors. Is it really obscene that they did that at £5/10?

I wouldn't say so, so I can't get hung up over parents organising something at primary when the children are younger.

The pressure is evident on this thread alone. People saying that it's better to just contribute rather than affect their child's social life. People saying that sometimes lists of who gives are published on WhatsApp groups or they are individually chased for the money.

I read a thread on here not long ago where the parent wasn't allowed to contribute as she couldn't afford the amount required (from memory £25)

There is a great deal of pressure to just fit in and go with the flow and do whatever the pta/class rep etc want

I don't buy anything why because it's a job they are paid to do . Also because there is 1 teacher and several ta ( special needs school ) and it would cost me a fortune. If I'm tight so be it but I won't bow down to pear pressure. I do gifts small around £5 for my sons transport driver and escort because they are lovely I see them every day and they are great with my dc and I want to gift them something.
If other people want to spend £££ leave them to it don't feel bad and good for you for saying no . I think there is too much pressure to spend at Christmas and yes your right some people can't afford £10-£20 .

LolaSmiles how earth have I got a massive chip on my shoulder and whining about teachers.. really. Not at all I just think it is disgusting in today’s climate when people are using food banks that any public sector worker would willingly take hundreds of pounds worth of gifts from parents. Absolutely no chip on my shoulder just a healthy attitude towards what could be seen as greed and entitlement.
I would love to hear from the teachers who actually accept these gifts and their justification for taking them.
Parents are saying they are feeling pressured into giving money they don’t have or don’t want to spend. Why is that whining? Feel free to explain please.

As a primary school teacher I would love to receive £300-£600!! 🤣

But I can also reply as a single parent in that there are definitely times of the month (especially the week before payday) that I would most definitely literally not have £10 to spare to put in a pot.

As a teacher I would hate to think that one of my pupil's parents were put in this position.

How about teachers stop accepting these monetary gifts then that stops the onus on individual parents. I actually find it really disgusting that any teacher would accept a gift from their class of £300. What other professions gets paid extra to do their job. Oh yeah the paramedics that saved your grannies life... no didn’t think so.
I know people who tip or buy a gift for the bin men, hairdresser, postman, cleaner and dog walker at Xmas.

You think it’s disgusting that people accept gifts, voluntarily given, at a time of year when it’s traditional to give them giggly?

Really?

My friend is a primary school teacher, she’s been a teacher for 13 years now. I was asking her what gift she’d appreciate (I have a nursery age child so wanted ideas) she said she gets sick of wine and chocolates, she’s doesn’t drink wine and there’s only so many boxes of chocolate you can eat! She also hates personalised gifts, she has 100s of them mugs etc she doesn’t want or need them and as nice as home made gifts are they are going in the bin after a few days. Her best gift so far? The class parents got together and bought her amazon vouchers last year, she bloody loved it! No one spent more than £10 which is pretty much what you’d spend anyway on wine and chocolates or a personalised mug etc. She put the voucher towards something she actually wanted and really appreciated it.

So yes you are in the minority, if you can’t afford it though don’t contribute, I would never judge someone for not contributing, everyone’s circumstances are different.

The Head should step in and calm this down. This year £10, next year £15? on and on and on.

What is it do with the head whether other adults give the teacher a Christmas gift ? She’s in charge of the children not parents. Op has made herself look utterly ridiculous. If you use a food bank or are in dire straits or just don’t want to contribute that’s entirely fine just don’t contribute no one will give a hoot.

If anything it’s cost effective you can’t get much half decent for £5 most boxes of chocolates cost more than that

MsTSwift
I'm sure that's why it's the norm for 6th form classes at the end of college is to do a class collection.
It's lovely

I'm a teacher and think this is barmy. I would actually feel really guilty receiving a large gift (somehow small gifts x 30 don't feel as bad). Yes, I buy plenty of stuff from my own pocket, and spend what feels like 90% of my waking hours working, but I am still paid for it.

Don't feel shamed into contributing more than you are comfortable with.

StripyHorse that is really nice of you to clarify and is exactly the position of my other teacher friend.

If everyone gave £2 that would still get enough for a worthy voucher so the teacher can buy herself something she wants. As someone trying to be green 30 odd unwanted mugs or candles makes me wince rather. Remember most of the gifts my mother got as a primary school teacher being binned as no charity shops then and most of it was tat