To think a class whip round for teacher's Xmas present shouldn't come to £££

[lollapaloser]

My child is in first term of reception class. The class rep asked all parents in the class WhatsApp group if we'd like to contribute to vouchers for a Christmas present for the teacher. I said probably not, I'll just get DS to make or buy a small token something (from him). And wouldn't a group gift be better at the end of the school year?

Anyway, an 'experienced' mum with older children said a £10-£20 contribution per child/family is normal and it's split between the teacher and TA. Given there are 30 children in the class we'd end up with between 300 and 600 quid, which seems bonkers.

Turns out I was in a minority of 1 in thinking it was OTT/tacky/morally wrong. A few people jumped in to say how much the teacher does, caring for our children every day, going above and beyond, how wonderful she is etc. How none of us would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway. Another said she couldn't get a bottle of wine and chocs for £20 so it's a good deal, plus it saves her time. And that she sometimes also bakes or whatever as well as the donation.

There are just so many things about this I don't agree with. It's the teacher's job, she's not a saint, wouldn't it embarrass her, she'd have to declare it, could it be seen as bribery, I think the parent who suggested we can all chuck £20 away without thinking about it is clueless about most people's finances, I think the thank you should come from the child, not the parents in a grand gesture of performative gratitude, if Teach is so wonderful why wouldn't you go to more effort, larger value doesn't equal greater thanks, if we're raising a big chunk of money wouldn't it be better spent on equipment for the school, etc . . . I could go on.

This is in a (turns out more affluent than I realised) London suburb. Everyone else has responded saying they'd transferred money, mostly a tenner. I know in the grand scheme of things a tenner isn't much but that's not the main point.

I actually emailed the school about this and whether their gifting policy could state a cap on gift amounts. But their reply just said parents can give what they want and that it isn't a policy issue as doesn't affect the children.

I reckon I'm the only one of 30 sets of parents not contributing. I now feel a bit isolated from the group for thinking differently.

I like the idea of every one contributing together for a voucher rather than the poor teacher getting 30 mugs/boxes chocolate/toiletries sets.

I also like that this includes the TA, although I think nowadays in a lot of schools TAs will only work with particular children rather than being a class TA.

It sounds a lot of money to me as I don't think I would have spent more than £5 on teachers gift- but in an affluent area it may be different and I'm going back a few years to primary school days.

OP, what is possible 'tacky' about gift giving? Just because you don't want to contribute, don't try to rebrand the whole exercise as 'tacky'. It's nice and you seem a little tight.

Standard in our class - £20 for teacher and £15 for teaching asst (I think) - we don’t contribute as we bake some cookies (child tries to!) and make our own little hamper for the teacher. I have nothing against contributing to a voucher for teachers btw - to each his own. We just don’t do it because this is something we’ve done since my child has been in school.

Don’t contribute if you don’t want to, but I’m a little surprised you emailed the school to ask if this was allowed!?

£20 a teacher
Bloody hell! I work in the wrong schools.

I'll stick to my GCSE/ a level leaving gifts and a few tokens and nice cards at Christmas.

Honestly contribute if you want or don't it want but emailing the head asking about their gifts policy etc makes you sound like a total pain in the bum and super popular in the staff room.
My two cents is that I like to give a little gift at Xmas and normally do a bottle of wine for a tenner. I feel our teachers go above and beyond and I'm happy to show them a sign of appreciation. A group gift like this just saves me a job and I'm delighted .

As a teacher I completely agree with you!

My sons school do a whip round of £10 per child too but I pay it and smile because I can’t be arsed with the drama!

I’m in an affluent inner London area too, but, like many areas in London, that means the poor go to the same schools as the rich. There is no one size fits all. There are children using food banks and children in million-pound-plus houses with second homes and skiing holidays in the same class.

It's pretty standard where I am to give something to thank the teacher at Christmas.

However it's not compulsory and if you don't want to do it, then that's absolutely fine.

But asking about their gift policy and calling other people's actions 'tacky' and 'morally wrong' seems a total over reaction.

What are you hoping to achieve? At a personal level give or don't give as you see fit, but butt out of what everyone else is doing. It's none of your business.

What Laurie said. A lot of parents like the whip round if you don’t dont join no one gives a stuff. Cannot believe you complained to the school though I am cringing for you.

Don’t know if op has been back (I’ve RTFT but couldn’t see any further posts from her) but I agree with the point made earlier about jeopardising your children’s social life by kicking up a fuss on this. Parents around where I live would definitely be petty enough to make an issue of something like this.

@Twogirls19

Mostly my experience with class collections is fine but I do think £300+ is a shit load to hand over at Christmas collectively and then do it again at the end of the year. ( which is what happens at my place). I find it kind of embarrassing and it’s nothing to do with not appreciating my kids teachers. I think a £50 voucher would be a great gift but ££££ ? I’m a public sector worker too so I’m not in a hugely monied job. I’m not arguing against it though....It just feels a bit OTT.

All the issues to huff to school about op chooses this one . Your kid is in reception you should have kept your powder dry for when there is a proper issue that actually affects your child rather than the doings of other parents

I usually contribute to the end of term communal gifts unless I am too disorganised to remember the cut off date and although I live in a fairly affluent area I am not aware of any competitive giving. I usually put £10-12 in.
I used to make handmade biscuits or truffles to give to the teachers (taking into account dietary requirements) but since joining MN have found from a number of teachers on here, that this is apparently a big no no. Along with boxes of chocolates, plants, flowers, mugs, wine etc....so it feels like class collections are the safest bet.
My sis works in retail and she said shes seen parents spend £80 on teachers presents.

I contribute to the class collection.

I know that a lot of teachers (including my sister) chuck homemade food so while it would be easy for me to go down this route, I wouldn't want to throw my time and money away.

Our school did £5 per family (important as there were 2 sets of twins in the class)

Just had the sad job of clearing a retired primary school teacher’s house following her death. There must have been a hundred toiletry gift sets in various guises and enough mugs to stock a canteen.
Vouchers all the way.....

How about teachers stop accepting these monetary gifts then that stops the onus on individual parents. I actually find it really disgusting that any teacher would accept a gift from their class of £300. What other professions gets paid extra to do their job. Oh yeah the paramedics that saved your grannies life... no didn’t think so.
A case of fucking craziness if you ask me.
Just send a bloody card that wee Jonnie or whoever writes in.

I retired 5 years ago and am still gratefully using the toiletry gift sets for travelling. The mugs mostly went in the staff room, chocolates etc. we shared and ate eventually. I always had a stash of emergency chocolate for when I needed a lift at the end of the school day. I would have been embarrassed to be given £300.

How about teachers stop accepting these monetary gifts then that stops the onus on individual parents. I actually find it really disgusting that any teacher would accept a gift from their class of £300.
What other professions gets paid extra to do their job. Oh yeah the paramedics that saved your grannies life... no didn’t think so.
You sound like you have a massive chip on your shoulder and just want to whine about teachers tbh. Nobody is being paid extra to do their jobs.

I find the whole class rep thing unusual and have never experienced collections like that, but 30 people spending £5/10 on a gift for someone is hardly the end of the world.

I would imagine those people would also give thank you gifts to other professionals they have worked with or been involved with (chocolates and a card can easily be £5-10).

It's just that they've clubbed together. Or would you be still whining about how crazy it is that half the class bought chocolates and flowers individually to the same monetary value?

When I worked as a TA (in a very upper class area) the parents had a whip round and I ended up with a voucher for John Lewis worth £380! I was very greatful but equally embarrassed (and don’t shop in John Lewis blush)

Isn’t the point of gift vouchers to give you the opportunity to buy yourself something from a shop that might otherwise be out of your price range? I don’t get the relevance of “I don’t shop in John Lewis”. Please tell me you did spend the voucher?

I think last year ( stressful things happening at home) I didn't get round to contributing to the class kitty. I'm hoping the teacher was happy with her gift and didn't individually check who had contributed or not. (They send out a thank you email to all parents)

I've never bothered and yanbu!

There is no obligation despite what other parents think. I agree with you the thanks should come from the child. I got mine to write a card or draw a picture, I've read on here before that teachers appreciate that more han anything. I know family members of primary school/playgroup who had so much it just got regifted. If money is tight you certainly shouldn't feel obliged.

All you had to say was 'No thanks'. But instead you went and grassed to the headteacher. Annoying.

You're right Sewrainbow.
I have a box file with all my cards and letters in from students.

Nobody expects a gift, if someone does then it's gratefully appreciated.

I think you were right to raise it OP. If people are really being pressurised to put £10 or £20 into a collection then that’s not on and the school needs to reign it in a bit. No matter how affluent the area there will be some families in a state school for whom that is a lot of money

Who’s being pressured? are class reps banging on doors or doing a roll call in the playground with a loud speaker saying who has it has not contributed? Just say no or ignore the email believe me no one cares. Some of us are grateful to those organising one less job to do