No present for oldest child?

[Wingingit247]

I have 3 DC and my eldest is from a previous relationship. We don't see DH's dad that often, but when we do he always brings presents for the two youngest but not the eldest. He is a lovely chap but AIBU to want to throttle him?? My eldest always looks a bit crestfallen but accepting, like he understands he isn't as important, breaks my heart!

Does your eldest call your hubby dad?

dolly it's complicated. In brief, if dp hadn't been an involved father, dsd would have been removed to long term foster care with low level contact rather than adoption. Her mother can't parent, rather than won't or because there was a history of intentional abuse, and she was an older child when she moved in with us permanently.

Plus it wouldn't have been in dsds interest as a child to formally severe ties when she had the security otherwise. Using past tense as she's 18 now so legalities are irrelevant.

And it came across as a genuine question

Thank you for the explanation. And you are right I was overly simplistic in my posting. In fact I was honking about the exact type of circumstances you have described when i called it adoption. You are much more than a step parent😊. But then I suppose theRe is a broad spectrum of step parenting relationships!

Again that sounded unintentionally arsy. You didn’t have to explain yourself - thank you for answering my nosey question😊🙄

Yes absolutely. Our relationship is nothing like another step child within the wider family where both parents are very involved and the step parents are akin to a favourite aunt/ uncle. But dp's parents are still their grandparents and they are just as included.

Unfortunate xpost, I wasn't agreeing that yes absolutely it came across as arsy, it didn't at all!

😂😂. Thank you

Nope YANBU. That’s just plain bloody mean & hurtful. DH is going to have to give it to his dad straight.

Yep that’s really bad it needs addressing

YANBU, my great nephew has half siblings I send presents for all of them.

That's awful. Known DS since he was two and excludes him from gifts, sorry I would have to say he brings gifts for them all or none at all. Amazed you've let it go on for so long.

I would not allow anyone to do this to my child. They treat them all the same with gifts, or no presents for any of the children. You son will feel he is not worthy if you keep allowing this to happen to him. Be pro- active and make a stand for your elder son. I love my in-laws because they have always treated my children from my first marriage as grandchildren, and treated them equally with their own natural grandchildren. For that kindness I am eternally grateful to them.

@Royallyscrewed mostly powered by piss, vinegar and Satan’s favour these days.

Brilliant - thank you for making me chortle .

@Dollymixture22 I’m exactly with you on this. And I can’t understand the poster above advising op to explain to her oldest child that grandad is not related (obliged). Very sad. I’d never behave like that towards any child. DNA does not come into it.

Dont understand why your hubby/partner has not put a stop to this?? does it work in the opposite direction, does your eldest get stuff from fathers family and not the younger ones?

@MirenaManiac she’s an evil old crone who uses that excuse that dd2 was born out of wedlock as an excuse. For fear of hijacking the thread I won’t go into her nastier tricks but when she finally kicks the bucket, her family won’t be overly distressed, which is a sad legacy and completely her own doing.

He knows exactly what he’s doing. My mil does it to my son too. So my dp turned all the presents away at the door. Next thing they’re back with presents for all the kids.

I personally don’t fucking want anything for any of the kids off those evil cunts but I guess I’ve picked my battles for now

@Butterisbest thank you very much for your kind words and the lovely emojis. Life is hard at times, and I am having therapy, but my children never have to have a Christmas Day like me and a few years ago dh made me a stocking once he realised I had never had one.

Personally I think that's really mean. My partner is my sons stepdad and even though his parents have only met him once, they buy him christmas and birthday presents every single year without fail.
I would speak to the grandparents myself and explain how they are making DS feel xxx