No present for oldest child?

[Wingingit247]

I have 3 DC and my eldest is from a previous relationship. We don't see DH's dad that often, but when we do he always brings presents for the two youngest but not the eldest. He is a lovely chap but AIBU to want to throttle him?? My eldest always looks a bit crestfallen but accepting, like he understands he isn't as important, breaks my heart!

Wow.I buy gifts for my ex stepmother's husbands children when I visit them and my half sibling at Christmas. It's revolting to have the view that a child literally must share DNA to be given a gift at Christmas.

He is a horrible and nasty person. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Going against the grain a little but your eldest isn't any relation of your FIL.

It would be kind of him to treat the children equally but it's a bit unfair to expect him to. Does your DS's paternal grandfather buy presents for the young ones? Maybe FIL thinks he's treading on the real grandfather's toes if he buys presents.

How far will you insist equality goes? Will you expect him to make your DS an equal heir in his will?

I don't think it's as simple a matter as some here seem to believe.

Please please for the sake of your eldest, refuse the gifts.

i would refuse to have him in my house if anyone did that to my son, it's unacceptable and I'd write to him and let him know why he isn't welcome any more.
Disgusting behaviour. That's how I was treated in a similar situation and I've never got over it.

@DriftingLeaves

It really is quite simple. If you're going to a house with a bunch of kids you bring all kids pressies. It's such a simple thing to do, it's not changing your will. Omitting one child sends a very clear message that they're not family.

They are related @DriftingLeaves

It's his step grandchild. His son his married to OP, making them....related.

Paternal gps aren’t around, DriftingLeaves and he has known the child from he was two. The child is also a brother to the gc, so yes, I do think they should be treated the same. It might be different if he was a teenager when they got together, but the poor lad only knows the sf’s dad as a grandfather. It’s horrible.

Drifting oh what twaddle. OP has already said her DS paternal grandparents are dead. And of course nobody hAS to buy gifts...but it's completely unacceptable in normal society to bring gifts for some children and leave one out.

You sound weird.

It would be kind of him to treat the children equally but it's a bit unfair to expect him to.

It's really not...

I agree with @madcatladyforever
I wouldn't let him in my house. That kind of thing leaves a scar.

You need to spell it out to him.

And you have a DH problem.

Real grandfather is an absolute arse. Has never been to see him or sent him a single card or gift for any occasion. Poor boy has a bit of a crap family on the paternal side. DH is a lovely dad, better than his actual dad, he will back me in this, I just think the blame lies with me for not calling FIL out on this before now! I kept thinking it was a one off, then realised it had happened a few times in a row, hence getting DH to speak to him. Which he clearly did a shit job of. So now I need to step in and be really clear.

I can’t imagine what kind of person could buy presents for two children and leave one out.. so cruel.

I don’t understand why you have put up with this for so long. It sounds like you really do need to spell out to the man how hurtful it is to exclude your eldest. If he still doesn’t see it I would tell him you will not accept gifts from him for any of them and make it up to your kids in some way yourself. How can adults be so cruel?

For any person to think it is acceptable to turn up with two gifts for siblings and ignore the oldest is really rather disgusting. I cant imagine what is going through FIL head that he cant see that he is being cruel. Your DH is an arse and sadly isnt doing his bit for his DSS.

That's so sad and pretty horrible, he's known your eldest since 2 so should be atleast treat like a nephew or godchild. If it were me and money and issue I'd get a token gift or put a £10 in a card. I'd be giving the 2 DC present to you on the sly to stop hurt feelings

He's not a nice man at all, that is an absolutely disgusting thing to do to any child & he must know it

A box of maltesers is 99p quiet often, or even a normal size bar of choccie etc.

Does he call him Grandad?

This blending is hard but he must be somewhat hardhearted to ignore a small boy for that long.

I know when members of my family have dated people with kids they have virtually been adopted by the rest of the family, presents and all, get played with same as other grandkids etc

You ever leave children out, ever. He needs telling.

Ive no idea why you let this happen.
He's your child.
Stand up for him!

That's horrible, especially as he has known him so long. Poor kid.

What I mean is, don't bother tiptoeing around the old buffoon, together lay it on the line.

My step grandparents used to do this too, it's really shitty and doesn't feel nice, every Christmas, Birthday, Easter etc my younger siblings got gifts, me, not so much a card. Step Aunty always included us, and still does even as adults.

Definitely say something about it, let him feel crap about it, hes a adult he should realise you don't get one without the other, it's bloody disgusting.

That’s pretty bad. My cousin has moved to America, had two children and now married a lady with her own daughter. I buy presents for all three even though I’ve never met the stepdaughter.