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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to suggest that Mumsnet is quite sexist against men?

848 replies

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 16:51

I don't know if it's just the threads I've been on. I don't know how many men use Mumsnet.

Sexism either way makes me equally uncomfortable. How do other Mumsnet users feel about this?

OP posts:
WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 18/11/2019 17:32

Pro women does not mean against men.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 17:34

@JoObrien7 Stop with your assumption about my sex.

OP posts:
Breathlessness · 18/11/2019 17:36

It’s a shame it took a GF to get it but this post is spot on

’ I think that we are so attuned to the world being sexist towards women that equality seems like oppression towards men.’

Isabellerosignol

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/11/2019 17:36

Does it actually state anywhere that this is a safe space for women specifically? Because we’ve always been told that this site is for both parents.

Not even just parents - aside from the probably 80-90% of discussions that have nothing to do with parenting at all, there are specific topic areas for people who are TTC - many of whom for the first time.

Bloodyinsomnia123 · 18/11/2019 17:37

wombinside - yes, I agree that, when someone pops up and says "ah, if the roles were reversed you'd all be shrieking LTB", they're usually talking crap.

OP: AIBU to be annoyed that my DP goes out getting drunk three nights a week when we have a 6 week old baby?

Mumsnetters: YANBU, he sounds a bit shit.

Random contrarian: ah, but if the roles were reversed, you'd all be saying the husband was controlling and shrieking LTB!

(I mean, this is Mumsnet where posters have serious discussions about whether it's ok for a mother to leave her baby to go to the loo. It's also the place where women in abusive relationships invariably get told that it's their fault for not having a crystal ball when they had a baby with the man. AIBU can be cynical about men but it's bloody awful to women too).

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/11/2019 17:38

Pro women does not mean against men.

Very nicely put.

Stealthymcstealth · 18/11/2019 17:38

Sorry OP but women are currently being strangled to death and men are getting punitive sentences because it was just rough sex gone too far, so no I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck about sexism toward men right now.

Deathgrip · 18/11/2019 17:39

I think it's a space where people try to centre women, I think some people find this difficult. It's the main reason I use Mumsnet.

Not just difficult, but so far from the norm as to be a complete shock to many

But even then, there will be comments clearly suggesting that men as a whole are desperate to get into women's toilets and changing rooms, when in reality, the vast majority have no interest or desire whatsoever to attempt to do so.

In all my time here I have never once seen anyone claim that all men are desperate to get into women’s toilets. Quite the opposite. The point raised is that there is literally n way to differentiate between those who do and those who don’t.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/11/2019 17:40

The 14th Nov was Equal Pay day.

www.fawcettsociety.org.uk/news/the-fawcett-society-announces-date-of-equal-pay-day-2019

Women as a class are disadvantaged and we should be free to express our frustration at that on a site that that is largely aimed at women. I don’t support Ad Hominem attacks, I don’t believe men as a class are bad. I have a DH and 2 DS. However, I won’t hold back from challenging behaviour that perpetuates or justifies that disadvantage.

Mammatino · 18/11/2019 17:41

Do you mean that some posters will always take the woman's side even if she is being a nasty abusive piece of work? Sometimes yes, I've seen this happen. I've also seen lots of love, support and concern for women who have been attacked and hurt by a man. Plenty of women apologising for a bloody disgusting abusive man as well. Never any men apologising for the nasty bullying women though... "she might have behaved like an evil vicious piece because she's got aspergers". Love the men in your life and teach your sons to be good, kind women supporters.

LolaSmiles · 18/11/2019 17:42

I don't think what you're asking is simple at all, and if anything it comes across as quite goady.

There's absolutely some bizarre double standards on here from some posters, especially regarding finances and relationships expectations.

However, I don't think you can say MN is sexist against men. On the whole the site centres women and gives women a space because socially and culturally women as a class come second to men and men as a class pose a much greater threat.

Men as a class don't have to worry about walking home alone. Men as a class don't have to worry about the impact of having children on their careers. Men are more likely to be paid more and be promoted quicker etc.

I've seen some worrying replies that have been described as being very netmums where posters are basically told that they shouldn't expect too much from their hubsand because he works hard and maybe he'd find her more approachable if she dressed up a bit for him.

Equally, there's some really low expectations of men in places where people actually go as far to suggest that those proposing a respectful relationship of equals (in terms of personal respect, allocation of household jobs etc) are living on another planet. At times people normalise men being a bit shit, complain (rightly) about men being a bit shit around the house, but then get outraged and accuse you of victim blaming for suggesting that maybe women should raise the bar and not accept being shit as the default setting of men.

It's almost like MN has a range of posters on it.

HandsOffMyRights · 18/11/2019 17:43

YABU given that on the Primark thread where scores of women have said that they do not want mixed sex changing rooms, with male violence being a key issue, you have consistently tried to talk about female violence against men.

AutumnCrow · 18/11/2019 17:43

I wasn't talking to you, @Eckhart. All the lolz, eh, never mind.

ohgetyou · 18/11/2019 17:44

I admire your ability to know the exact gender of everyone on here. As it's anonymous the this a special talent. I also think you are sexist for accusing women of sexism!

Dudewheresmyvan · 18/11/2019 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacquesHammer · 18/11/2019 17:45

The whole "you nasty man-hating bunch" is such a tired trope.

If you extrapolate pro-woman to mean anti-men, you need to read, think and learn a little bit more.

I know good men, I like good men - mostly because they acknowledge than men as a class are an issue and aren't oppressed.

gamerchick · 18/11/2019 17:45

You don't have to do much digging to figure out the OP's agenda on MN 🙄

Indeed!

LolaSmiles · 18/11/2019 17:45

HandsOffMyRights
Seriously?
So not only does this thread have a goady feel, the OP has been stomping over other threads being very MRA?

KanelbulleKing · 18/11/2019 17:48

I haven't seen any sexism but I have seen tons of stuff from women damaged by men.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 18/11/2019 17:49

OP has a history of telling women that they’re wrong about anything regarding female safety, dignity, privacy, rights, etc, so I think to assume his sex is quite acceptable. No matter how he identifies. 🤷‍♀️

AutumnCrow · 18/11/2019 17:50

YABU given that on the Primark thread where scores of women have said that they do not want mixed sex changing rooms, with male violence being a key issue, you have consistently tried to talk about female violence against men

Sounds like an agenda to me. And not one that's in the spirit of MN.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 18/11/2019 17:50

I agree @Eckhart. The profound helpfulness of many posts aside, I think there is a deep-seated seam of misandry, which leads to a lot of double-standards on certain threads. It isn't everywhere, but it's plain enough to see when it happens, and particularly on practically all posts started by men.

PumpkinP · 18/11/2019 17:52

I agree. Especially on the relationships board. If it’s a woman hitting her partner it is mainly justified by he must have pushed her to do it.

JacquesHammer · 18/11/2019 17:53

For everyone saying how hypocritical MN is, unless the self-same posters are posting one thing to men and one thing to women, it isn’t.

It is a group of unique individuals, all of whom have their own opinions.