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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to suggest that Mumsnet is quite sexist against men?

848 replies

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 16:51

I don't know if it's just the threads I've been on. I don't know how many men use Mumsnet.

Sexism either way makes me equally uncomfortable. How do other Mumsnet users feel about this?

OP posts:
Eckhart · 18/11/2019 17:19

@Theendofmyrope Yes, really. Did you have a point?

OP posts:
wombinside · 18/11/2019 17:19

The thing I hate on Mumsnet is when a woman posts about her partner being a complete shit and someone, usually an apologist, will come along and say.. can you imagine if this were a man saying this about his wife etc etc etc....

It's not.. it's a woman saying it about her partner that is being a shit... that's it... you don't need to make new scenarios in your head... the one the op says is usually the right one.

Frankola · 18/11/2019 17:19

I don't think its sexist, but I've noticed on forums such as lone parents, step parenting and divorce there are some real man haters lol

MonstranceClock · 18/11/2019 17:19

Does it actually state anywhere that this is a safe space for women specifically? Because we’ve always been told that this site is for both parents.

Cam77 · 18/11/2019 17:20

As a man I think MN is fine. Although some posters play the person rather than the ball so to speak, which I dislike. EG, instead of saying “I think you saying/doing X is a bit unreasonable” they say “you sound like a totally unreasonable person”. I think it’s an unnecessarily confrontational way to phrase a response to a person seeking advice. But it happens regardless of the sex of the OP.

JoObrien7 · 18/11/2019 17:20

Men are just the same about women ... it is nice to complain about men on a mainly women forum. If men don't like it they shouldn't read it ... simples.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 17:20

@AutumnCrow I know. I'm curious what other people here think. I'm allowed to ask. And there's clearly plenty who want to respond.

OP posts:
birdsdestiny · 18/11/2019 17:20

Yes we wouldn't want a safe space for women. That would be awful.

Dontdisturbmenow · 18/11/2019 17:21

I don't think MN is sexist, but it is massively one dimensional, where the posters are never in the wrong but victims of selfish, unconsiderate men in their lives.

The only worthy man is one that is just think, say, act, behave, breath like his partner wants him to. Anything outside of this is a man that should be sectioned, or rid of.

I'm always curious about all those women married to such amazing men because I'm still to meet one who falls in that category, although frankly, I personally would get very bored of such a man because like most men I've met (and women), I'm far from perfect myself and if my OH expected perfection, I would have long been relegated too!

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 17:22

@MonstranceClock
Does it actually state anywhere that this is a safe space for women specifically? Because we’ve always been told that this site is for both parents.

I wondered about that too.

OP posts:
JoObrien7 · 18/11/2019 17:24

@Dontdisturbmenow

That is what I said to hubby last night when I was fast asleep and he tried to initiate sex

WorraLiberty · 18/11/2019 17:24

How can anything be a 'safe space' on a public internet forum? Confused

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/11/2019 17:25

I agree with you, OP. Almost everybody on MN will have a partner and/or family members of the opposite sex whom they love and greatly care for - but so many people seem to want to make it a 'them and us' battle.

Yes, women are socially, physically and biologically disadvantaged against men as a class in many ways, and there's a creeping and concerning trend towards taking women's safe spaces away, which we should all be campaigning about. But even then, there will be comments clearly suggesting that men as a whole are desperate to get into women's toilets and changing rooms, when in reality, the vast majority have no interest or desire whatsoever to attempt to do so. You can put measures firmly in place to protect you from all potential doers of harm, without assuming that all of those potential people are probably guilty of it anyway.

Worldwide, a very high proportion of financial internet scams originate from Nigeria. Does this mean that Nigerians as a class are all thieves and robbers?

London has a lot of pick-pockets and distraction-thieves of Romanian descent. Does this mean that Romanians as a class are inherently criminals?

The 'NAMALT' term is thrown around frequently as a lazy way to belittle those who dare to suggest that we consider people as individuals instead of lumping them together as one great big stereotype.

Conversely, it also goes a long way towards absolving said individuals of any personal responsibility for their unacceptable behaviour and, by extension, can serve to attach blame to their victims if we just brush it off as normal: "Well it's a lion - of course it's going to rip your arm off and eat you if you go into its cage" ; "Well he's a man - of course he's going to attack and abuse you if you don't ensure you stay out of his way."

Theendofmyrope · 18/11/2019 17:25

@Eckhart
Yes.....but I will watch from the sidelines for now

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/11/2019 17:25

No! I am Curious...

What tends to happen here is at least twofold:

Women speak about the Class of Men... specific examples are given to illustrate and suddenly we are a nest of man hating vipers

In other threads the hipocracy mentioned by pps crops up and posters get entrenched. The LTB because he is a cyclist is one example: simultaneously a MN joke and an entrenched position.

But mostly posters need to remember that this is a forum mainly used by women to vent, to ask for support, to share information. They do it here because sometimes the reality is that it can be hard to be heard in real life.

Why close any discussion down because women may be venting, being unfair, etc ? That's what the space is for, a safe space to speak without self censorship.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 17:26

@JoObrien7 So, in your opinion it's ok to come on here just to complain about men?

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 18/11/2019 17:27

I am a man. I joined MN to play Mornington Crescent in case you wonder why I am on MN.

I don't think it is sexist in my opinion.

JoObrien7 · 18/11/2019 17:27

It is nice to be able to moan about men on a site and don't get criticized for doing so.

Yesterday I moved something onto a different shelf and my hubby started asking where is the I said use your eyes it is right there on the bottom shelf and he still couldn't see it and it was right in front of him! Men have tunnel vision imho Grin

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/11/2019 17:28

And it's safe because it isn't real... can't be connected to real people - usually.

You only have to read a few Relationship threads to realise that!

birdsdestiny · 18/11/2019 17:28

I think it's ok to come on here and complain about anything, after all you are on here complaining about women complaining about men.

JoObrien7 · 18/11/2019 17:29

@Eckhart

Why not? You men always accuse us of of nagging etc

WorraLiberty · 18/11/2019 17:29

The 'NAMALT' term is thrown around frequently as a lazy way to belittle those who dare to suggest that we consider people as individuals instead of lumping them together as one great big stereotype.

Yes, as is 'What about the menz!' and 'Cool wives'.

Silly really.

AloeVeraLynn · 18/11/2019 17:30

You don't have to do much digging to figure out the OP's agenda on MN 🙄

feelingverylazytoday · 18/11/2019 17:31

There are some double standards, eg, some posters try very hard to excuse bad, abusive and criminal behaviour from women, or refuse to accept that women can lie, or make stupid choices, or be crappy parents.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 18/11/2019 17:32

It’s a site frequented by mainly females, a very few males and quite a few TRAs/MRA#. If posters don’t like the site and think we’re not doing enough to keep the poor men happy, then why bother coming here? Let’s face it, there are enough sites that centre males. Have you went on any of the TRA, MRA sites and told them off for not being nice to/about women or is only the poor men that you’re worried about?

As far as I’m aware, any one that comes on here whinging about the poor hard done men and telling females that we’re not being nice to them, can fuck off onto any other site they like. Mumsnet membership isn’t compulsory. I’ve had 51yrs of men judging if I look fuckable enough in my school uniform, up for it in my 20/30 and invisible and pointless in my 40/50s. I’ve been ignored, sexually harassed, abused, beaten, raped, talked to or ignored as if I’m just a silly little girl and the fucking kicker of all, being told to ‘be nice’ to the men, because that’s what is expected of me or they’ll get hurt or angry in response.

I had an amazing husband and three wonderful boys, but as the excusers like to say NAMALT. Some are bastards.

Coming on here whinging about women not being nice about poor men? Away to fuck!

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