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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How close are your parents and your in laws?

146 replies

Lak1115 · 17/11/2019 20:12

A bit random. Not really an aibu so I apologise. But I am interested to know how close are your own parents and your in laws?

Me and Oh been together 7 years, not married but live together, own a house, two DC etc.

Mother in law and my mum have only met a few times. Twice by chance when they bumped into each other, at DD’s christening and one or two other times but that’s about it I think.

They are both too alike to be honest and I Always sense a bit of competition and we tend to avoid them coming across each other for our own sanity. We don’t see either regularly despite they both only live a 15 minute drive from us). Mil isn’t really interested in knowing my mum and will not come over on birthdays etc if she knows my mum will be here but I think my mum would like to know her a bit more.. I don’t really blame mil for avoiding my mum. My mum can be hard work.

But my question is. How close are your parents and in laws? Is this a normal scenario?

OP posts:

Fandoozle1 · 17/11/2019 20:17

My mother and my PILS get on really well, safe to say they have become friends. The mothers go for lunch /cinema / shopping here and there, which is nice but my husband and I have been going through a very rough patch (we talked separation, privately no one else knew) so it does beg the question, how would those friendships go if our marriage didn’t ever end.

Kittenbittenmitten · 17/11/2019 20:18

vivacian · 17/11/2019 20:18

We've been together 4 years. They've never met.

Fandoozle1 · 17/11/2019 20:19

did

I think it’s rare for parents and in-laws to be close. I only have one other friend who has experienced this.

averythinline · 17/11/2019 20:20

they've met once.....at our wedding 20 years ago!

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 17/11/2019 20:20

They've met once, at our wedding. Probably won't meet again.

mynameiscalypso · 17/11/2019 20:22

Mine meet a couple of times a year. It's all very polite but I know my parents find them pretty tedious (as do I). I have no idea what they think about my parents but last time we got together, my DM started talking about BDSM parties. My in laws are very conservative and religious so I think they were slightly thrown. It would make my life much easier if they got on but so long as they don't have a massive argument, I think that's the best I'm going to get.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 17/11/2019 20:22

They wouldn't necessarily be friends if it wasn't for me and DH. However their morals are similar, and though financially they're worlds apart, they all 4 see themselves as a group of co-grandparents. They've all spent Christmas together with us and it wen well enough that we did it again a few years later.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 17/11/2019 20:23

They live close to each other (1.5 hrs from us) and chat if they see each other (eg something planned for DC or unplanned bumping into them) but don't strive to see each other socially. Me and DH get on well with our in-laws well.

Sparklyring · 17/11/2019 20:23

Mine get on really well with my in-laws. We have a family meal once a month, theatre trips, weekends away etc. My DH is an only child so xmas is all spent together too. I didn't realise this was so rare!

Shookethtothecore · 17/11/2019 20:23

Twice. Once before our wedding so the first time they met wasn’t on our wedding day, and our wedding day. My parents are very involved in our life, and my children’s lives especially. My in laws enjoy photos of the kids and seeing them about 4 times a year. So them being friends and having a relationship wouldn’t enter each there minds, they are just different types of people

Kearaleigh123 · 17/11/2019 20:24

Iv been with my partner 8 years and they've never met

Wizzbangpop · 17/11/2019 20:24

My all four of my gps were really close. Think it was just luck that they all clicked. Totally different personalities etc. They would meet up without my dps regularly . And they were great friends until they died.

As a coincidence, I was incredibly fortunate that there were many family gatherings where both sides were present. And there wasn't much bickering etc

Silencedwitness · 17/11/2019 20:25

15 years together and my parents have met my MIL once maybe twice. I do my best to avoid seeing my MIL to be honest.

BlackSwanGreen · 17/11/2019 20:25

They are very different and don't get on well. They are polite and civil when they meet (very occasionally).

MrsKoala · 17/11/2019 20:25

ExPils and parents met twice in 11 years (engagement party and wedding). Dhs parents and mine had never met as pils didn't come to our wedding.

xyzandabc · 17/11/2019 20:26

Together 22 years. My parents have met FIL and his wife twice I think, once just before the wedding then again at the wedding.
Mil has met my parents a few more times as she is on her own so we have her over at Christmas sometimes and sometimes my parents will be there so maybe 8 times??

My parents live 550 miles north of us and FIL lives 150 miles south. MIL is about 30 miles away, so they'd really only meet if they came to see us at the same time.

FairyBatman · 17/11/2019 20:27

They used to make an effort to get on and had a bit of a laugh at Christmas at ours. Unfortunately PIL behaved really badly when DF died and DM hasn’t spoken to them since. I don’t blame her, I avoid them whenever I can.

namechangetheworld · 17/11/2019 20:27

We've been married for five years. My parents and in-laws have met once - on the day of our wedding. We all live within half an hour of each other.

Original poster

Lak1115 · 17/11/2019 20:29

Thanks all. My parents and in laws only live 15 minutes apart so that isn’t an issue. I am glad we aren’t the only ones in this scenario of in laws not really liking each other.

I never had an example growing up either. I never had my dad or his family around. My mum re married but hasn’t spoke to her own mil in nearly 20 years so they’ve never been around!

OP posts:

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 17/11/2019 20:29

My in laws and my parents get on pretty well, wouldn't call them close, my a dh are the only common denominator. We've been together 10 years and they see eachother approximately 5 times a year, more frequently since we had our baby in July.

Both are the kind of people that get on with anyone.

pastaparadise · 17/11/2019 20:30

Been with dp 12 years, 2 dc. Met each other once for about 10 mins! Dm would have loved to get to know them (df died 8 years ago), but pil live 3 hours away and have only ever visited us once (to see dc2). And unfortuneately dm was going away that weekend. Unless we take dm with us when we occasionally visit cant see they'll ever meet now. My parents were friendly with previous boyf families, so makes me quite sad as i love the idea of a big extended family.

Pinktornado · 17/11/2019 20:31

Never met and we’ve been together 20+ years! Tbf they live in different countries and we’ve never had a wedding so 🤷‍♀️

snowone · 17/11/2019 20:32

My parents and in laws probably see each other a couple of times a year at occasions (kids birthdays, weddings, Christmas etc).

To be honest they are just not each other's types of people and it's all a bit awkward and overly pleasant. My parents think his are a bit twee and OTT, his parents think mine are raging alcoholics ( not that they would ever say so out loud) 🤣

CathyorClaire · 17/11/2019 20:33

We are nc with MIL as was DF before he died and as is DM.

Prior to that they got on. So well that we actually walked out of our own house one Christmas to escape the hilarity taking place while the grunt work we were doing wasn't shared.

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