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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How close are your parents and your in laws?

146 replies

Lak1115 · 17/11/2019 20:12

A bit random. Not really an aibu so I apologise. But I am interested to know how close are your own parents and your in laws?

Me and Oh been together 7 years, not married but live together, own a house, two DC etc.

Mother in law and my mum have only met a few times. Twice by chance when they bumped into each other, at DD’s christening and one or two other times but that’s about it I think.

They are both too alike to be honest and I Always sense a bit of competition and we tend to avoid them coming across each other for our own sanity. We don’t see either regularly despite they both only live a 15 minute drive from us). Mil isn’t really interested in knowing my mum and will not come over on birthdays etc if she knows my mum will be here but I think my mum would like to know her a bit more.. I don’t really blame mil for avoiding my mum. My mum can be hard work.

But my question is. How close are your parents and in laws? Is this a normal scenario?

OP posts:
Snuffkindle · 17/11/2019 20:56

Ours are two hours apart so don't see each other without us. we had more gatherings when the kids were younger. Now it's a Christmas card situation and they phone each other now and again. There has been ill health on both sides so they've rang to check on each other which I think is lovely. They both share the same.values, background and outlook broadly speaking.

Broondug · 17/11/2019 20:56

been together 7 years and they’ve met once.

MotherOfLittlePeople · 17/11/2019 20:57

Been with DP almost 5 years and 2 children. My parents have met my DPs family a handful of times if that

onemorecakeplease · 17/11/2019 20:57

Hmm I don't think they get on too well.

They are very different and so whilst they see each other at Xmas or birthdays that's about it

I wish they did get on better tho!

Candle1000 · 17/11/2019 20:58

My parents and in laws met once at our wedding.

thefraggleontherock · 17/11/2019 20:59

Mine all get on great. Socialise regularly with each other regularly and have even been on holiday together without me and DH. It's great for as they're all very involved with our DC and will often do days out/ occasional weekends away with them so me and DH get time to ourselves, we're very lucky

Everythingmagnolia · 17/11/2019 20:59

Mine aren't on speaking terms

7yo7yo · 17/11/2019 21:00

I’m from a big Asian family and we are intertwined. I’m not just talking parents and pil I’m talking sil, ds, dbil....the doting is mutual.
My sis is in a “love island group” with my sis in law and Nieces. I love it, it’s cute.
However family occasions are huge and cost a fortune especially the food!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 17/11/2019 21:01

My parents met my MIL shortly after dh and I were engaged and then at our wedding. They haven't met since and we've been married for 25 years.

Lolly86 · 17/11/2019 21:01

They see each other occasionally at birthday parties, xmas etc. My FIL and my DF see each other the most as they are both single and come to ours each around once a week for dinner and sometimes their paths cross...
Its fair to say they wouldn't be friends otherwise and have little in common but they are all polite to each other. The MIL lives a plane ride away and we see her rarely so my parents hardly ever do. My DM finds my FIL quite annoying but is again polite to him, they all ask after each other

PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/11/2019 21:01

Parents and mil are total opposites.Theyve met about 3 times in 6.5 years

TowerRingInferno · 17/11/2019 21:02

They hated each other from the start. They’ve only met twice - when we got engaged, when we married (22 years ago) - and I can’t imagine them ever meeting again.

Very different people with very different values.

MRex · 17/11/2019 21:15

They first met without us, twice actually. It was nice, saved us having to sit in on the small talk so they could connect as people and I'd strongly recommend it to new couples. Since then they meet a few times a year, it would be nice if they met more often. They have a lot in common and some big differences, but they get along fairly well. DMIL also likes my aunts a lot, DM likes DH's cousin's wife's family very much.

I was thinking we weren't all together much and it would be nice to be together more. Reading this though, we compare pretty well. I've even met DH's cousin's wife's family more often than some of these co-GPs.

ShiningTor · 17/11/2019 21:20

Mine have been on a few holidays together with us and several just the four of them. They also meet for days out, meals etc.

Coughsyrupsucks · 17/11/2019 21:27

They met 18 years ago at our wedding and 16 years ago at our DD’s first birthday. That was more than enough! My MIL and DM are polar opposites, I can’t imagine anything worse than putting them in a room together with no distractions.

DramaAlpaca · 17/11/2019 21:31

My in-laws are no longer with us, but over 20 years they met my parents three times. The first time was at the wedding. They had little in common.

Finchy19 · 17/11/2019 21:33

They met at our wedding reception and haven't seen each other or communicated since. I don't really see why they would?

Overrunwithlego · 17/11/2019 21:33

Mine got on well. They lived about an hour apart so would sometimes meet up without us. We spent Christmas times together, sometimes at ours but actually some times at one set of parents house, with the other set of parents invited. Not every year, but once or twice. We all went on holiday once as well! Sadly MIL died quite suddenly last year and FIL passed away just 2 months later. My parents visited FIL when he was in hospital and, when we knew he was end of life, rang to speak to him. My parents came to the funerals and I think were a good support to DH because of that relationship they all had. They talk regularly to our kids about their other grandparents, to keep their memory alive. I think we were really lucky.

CatEyeliner · 17/11/2019 21:36

Never met.
Been together 14 years

Spied · 17/11/2019 21:38

My parents and pils occasionally meet in passing at our house and it's a case of polite chit-chat although the atmosphere feels strained and unnatural.
There is definitely an undercurrent of competitiveness over their respective relationships with my DC.
Definitely get a sense pils are jealous of the 'things' my parents do with my DC and I also get odd passive aggressive comments relating to pils from my own dm.

Concestor · 17/11/2019 21:41

Not at all. They might see each other once every couple of years, maybe, and are obviously polite but they're not friends. They're far too different and different social circles.

CookPassBabtridge · 17/11/2019 21:41

Been together 12 years and my MIL has met my parents once, FIL never. No bad feeling at all, just no need to get together!

LL83 · 17/11/2019 21:41

Married 11 years. Met for a few lunches wedding dress shopping, then wedding, christenings, grandchildren birthdays.

They ask me how the other are doing and seem interested and would chat if they bumped into each other, they aren't best friends but certainly don't avoid each other.

iamNOTmagic · 17/11/2019 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Countryescape · 17/11/2019 21:51

Not close at all. They are such different people and would never be friends.