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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How close are your parents and your in laws?

146 replies

Lak1115 · 17/11/2019 20:12

A bit random. Not really an aibu so I apologise. But I am interested to know how close are your own parents and your in laws?

Me and Oh been together 7 years, not married but live together, own a house, two DC etc.

Mother in law and my mum have only met a few times. Twice by chance when they bumped into each other, at DD’s christening and one or two other times but that’s about it I think.

They are both too alike to be honest and I Always sense a bit of competition and we tend to avoid them coming across each other for our own sanity. We don’t see either regularly despite they both only live a 15 minute drive from us). Mil isn’t really interested in knowing my mum and will not come over on birthdays etc if she knows my mum will be here but I think my mum would like to know her a bit more.. I don’t really blame mil for avoiding my mum. My mum can be hard work.

But my question is. How close are your parents and in laws? Is this a normal scenario?

OP posts:
polkadotpixie · 17/11/2019 21:53

I'm actually surprised how little everyone's parents and PIL have met each other, especially if they're nearby...do they not attend your children's birthday parties or family parties etc?

Mine aren't friends but they've met loads of times and are polite and amicable

Gillian1980 · 17/11/2019 21:54

We’ve been together 8 years, married for 5 and have 2 kids.

My DF lives 5 mins away from us and MIL lives 45 mins away.

They have met lots of times at family get togethers, meals out and our destination wedding. They swap Christmas and birthday gifts.

But they don’t chat on the phone and I don’t think they’ve ever been to one another’s houses. They always see each other at our house.

Rezie · 17/11/2019 21:56

Together for 7,5 years and they haven't met. My parents have met my siblings in laws and they see eaxhbother a few times year at kids birthday parties. My mom gives them a call a few times a year.

Mumofboys1 · 17/11/2019 21:56

My parents and in laws get on okay, I'd love for them to really get on. I think they're just different people, my in laws have a very close family...but they all live relatively close to each other...my parents families live hours apart so just not that close. 💁

DDIJ · 17/11/2019 21:58

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Aveisenim · 17/11/2019 21:59

My family have met DP's parent a grand total of... 3 or 4 times max? We've been together getting on for 15 years now. They will always ask us how the other is doing but that's as far as it goes.

BrokenWing · 17/11/2019 22:03

Dh and I have been together 28 years. FIL died around 12 years ago, MIL 3 years ago. They and my parents never met.

We eloped so they didn't meet at a wedding, and PIL lived other side of country so my parents didn't attend FIL funeral (to support dh).

It worked out well as they would never have got on, they were poles apart in many ways.

thecalmorchid · 17/11/2019 22:05

Fairly close. We have Sunday lunch as a group when visiting.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 17/11/2019 22:05

We all used to go on holiday together and now they go on holiday together without us. We've been together 10 years but they've been doing it for at least 8 of those.

Dh and I think it's very weird and try and avoid any kind of inter family gatherings Grin

NChangeForNoReason · 17/11/2019 22:07

My parents and in-laws have met once in the 9y we have been together - on our wedding day!

DialANumber · 17/11/2019 22:08

My parents and in laws have no independent communication as far as I know.

They've all met at the wedding and christenings but have almost nothing to say to each other. DH's parents have both remarried and those 2 couples don't have any relationship either.

DH's mum did send my parents a Christmas card a couple of times in the early years (which my mum then reciprocated) but consistently addressed it to wrong approximations of their names. When DH mentioned it to her she just stopped sending.

I can barely spend time with my in laws so can hardly expect my parents to want to.

CocoLoco87 · 17/11/2019 22:08

Mine see each other most weeks and have been on holiday together! They're quite different to each other but they get on really well.

AnnaBegins · 17/11/2019 22:09

Aw ours are close geographically so have dinners together and go to each other's parties and events. To be fair they met before we did!

NaToth · 17/11/2019 22:10

All dead now, but no, they never met.

BatEaredFox · 17/11/2019 22:10

They've never met, I'm a bit relieved to know this isn't rare! Family is a raw subject.

Billythecat · 17/11/2019 22:13

My DH and I have been married for 7 months, together for just over 3 years. My parents and in laws live 3 hours from each other and have only met a few times- when MIL and FIL visited for a weekend, before during and after the wedding and not since. They all get on fine, don’t have loads in common though and my parents are over 10 years older than them. If they lived closer then we would do more with all of them together as we all like spending time together Smile

AllStarBySmashMouth · 17/11/2019 22:15

My mum and his mum and gran have met a few times, usually because we bump into them in the street or at the supermarket. They live relatively nearby.

My dad and his dad actually worked together about 30 years ago, although they barely remember each other now. They are very alike though and support the same football team so should they ever meet I imagine they'd get along famously.

His mum actually suggested getting us all together for Christmas, and I probably would've agreed if my gran wasn't seriously ill currently and we have decided to spend the festive season with her.

TroysMammy · 17/11/2019 22:20

Not close at all, about 11,600 miles apart. I've never met my DP's parents and have no wish to either.

When I was married our parents met on our wedding day and that was it. We had no children together so there was no reason for meet ups.

FizzyIce · 17/11/2019 22:22

Dh and I have been married for 5 years and together for 15 years and our parents hardly know each other but when they do come to our house at the same time it’s fine . Meet did all travel to the states for our wedding though so spent a week all together

FizzyIce · 17/11/2019 22:23

*we did , not ‘meet’
Gotta love bloody autocorrect

AllStarBySmashMouth · 17/11/2019 22:24

My parents' parents however... they don't see much of each other but they were always fond of one another and always ask how the others are doing so that's lovely. They come from very different worlds, but they tried to get along for my parents sake.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 17/11/2019 22:28

Mine all get on very well which after reading this thread I now truly appreciate. We all have Christmas day together and many other occasions throughout the year. Ours is the sort of house that people just pop into for a cuppa and stay all day so they're often here together. I'll plan stuff with my mum and mil together too. Both get plenty of time with the grandchildren so don't need to compete.

FreeButtonBee · 17/11/2019 22:28

They see each or they once every two years. That is more than enough for me. The ask about each other and have been to visit each orther’s homes/parts of the country. But they ar like chalk and cheese and I don’t need any more of that type of stress in myvlife

BrieAndChilli · 17/11/2019 22:28

My parents and DH parents all split up when we were kids and all love in completely different places. The only time all 4 have been in the same place is at our wedding!
My dad lives abroad so only see him once every few years.
FIL lives fairly close but is abroad on holiday half the year.
I haven’t spoken to my mum in 8 years
MIL has spent time with my sister - couple of Christmases, and sis has been to where my MIL lives when we are there as it’s about an hour from her so closer than coming to us. MIL is lovely and so when we are all together treats sis and kids as she does the rest of the family.

Animum2 · 17/11/2019 22:31

Ours met at dh 40th birthday party and our wedding, they live in different cities but they are all friends on facebook