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AIBU?

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Original poster

How close are your parents and your in laws?

146 replies

Lak1115 · 17/11/2019 20:12

A bit random. Not really an aibu so I apologise. But I am interested to know how close are your own parents and your in laws?

Me and Oh been together 7 years, not married but live together, own a house, two DC etc.

Mother in law and my mum have only met a few times. Twice by chance when they bumped into each other, at DD’s christening and one or two other times but that’s about it I think.

They are both too alike to be honest and I Always sense a bit of competition and we tend to avoid them coming across each other for our own sanity. We don’t see either regularly despite they both only live a 15 minute drive from us). Mil isn’t really interested in knowing my mum and will not come over on birthdays etc if she knows my mum will be here but I think my mum would like to know her a bit more.. I don’t really blame mil for avoiding my mum. My mum can be hard work.

But my question is. How close are your parents and in laws? Is this a normal scenario?

OP posts:
boredboredboredboredbored · 17/11/2019 20:34

Been with dp for two years and getting married in Feb. They've never met, not sure they will either until the big day.

ChampooPapi · 17/11/2019 20:35

@Wizzbangpop I just love that so much, it's really lovely Smile

Stroan · 17/11/2019 20:36

Tense at best. MIL doesn't like that my parents see the DC more, but then PIL choose not to visit us. We don't often visit either set for various reasons - no space at my parents, PIL in another country. MIL likes to make passive aggressive comments to the DC about how often my Mum sees them, it's all quite unpleasant.

My Mum isn't too impressed with things that MIL has said to me in the past.

Thankfully there are very few occasions where they have to meet so it's manageable.

Samsamsuperman · 17/11/2019 20:36

They've met maybe 8 times in 13 years

justgivemewine · 17/11/2019 20:36

Mine aren’t close, but get on well whenever they do meet up and always ask after each other whenever we visit.

KurriKurri · 17/11/2019 20:36

Mt in laws and my parents had no contact beyond our wedding and sending each other Christmas cards. They lived a long way from each other.

I'm now a MIL and I get on very well with DDIL's Mum - we are close, I lke her very much, but then my DDIL is fabulous so I guess she and her Mum are alike.

SockQueen · 17/11/2019 20:38

They get on well enough but live 2 hours apart so don't see each other apart from family events with us, maybe a couple of times a year?

FriedasCarLoad · 17/11/2019 20:38

They get on fine, although they’re very different. PIL live 300 miles away. When they visit us they make an effort to see my parents, which is very kind. My parents appreciate the kind intent more than they enjoy the actual visit Grin

BikeRunSki · 17/11/2019 20:38

We’ve been married nearly 20 years. DM and my PiL live 70 miles apart.* They’ve met a our wedding, a Christmas or 2, the babies naming ceremonies... They get on OK. They exchange Christmas cards. MiL always sends DM a birthday card, she’s very organised like that, but then DM and SiL share a birthday, so it’s a date DM remembers!

*although they live closer to each other than we do to either of them.

floraloctopus · 17/11/2019 20:40

Not at all, they barely know each other - I think they have met maybe three times.

Elbowedout · 17/11/2019 20:42

My parents are both dead but they had minimal contact with my ILs when they were alive - they really only met at events like our children's christenings, the occasional birthday etc. My mum never said much but I know my Dad really disliked them, though he was polite if they met.

NerrSnerr · 17/11/2019 20:45

We've been together 18 years and they've met once at our wedding.

DinoGreen · 17/11/2019 20:46

Mine see each other a couple of times a year, usually. DS’s birthday the last few years has been a family party at home so they’ve seen each other at that. One year we were due to be at my parents on Christmas Day when PIL’s plans fell through. We didn’t want them to be on their own so my parents invited them to join us all which was nice enough. They’re not super close but they get on well enough and send each other Christmas cards etc.

Jemma2907 · 17/11/2019 20:46

My parents and In Laws are friends. Not close friends but enough so that that they would see each other without me or my Husband there etc. My PIL would drop in on my DM is she were unwell. They are all invited to each others Bbq's and are always all present for special occasions. It seems from this thread that we've taken it for granted! We've been married 8 years.

thewalrus · 17/11/2019 20:47

Quite different people but there's a lot of goodwill on both sides. My parents live overseas, but PILs are local so they do see each other a bit when they visit.
We had a tricky time years ago now where life was very stressful and FIL and DM both coped with it very badly. I think they both concluded the other one was highly strung/difficult at the time (true to an extent in both cases), and things were awkward for a bit but settled down.
My parents get on well with my sister's in laws, to the extent that they visit each other etc.

Squirrelblanket · 17/11/2019 20:47

We once invited both our mothers over for a weekend as we thought they would really get on. My MIL thought it would be a great idea if they popped to our local pub for a drink together while we prepared dinner at home. She proceeded to get absolutely plastered and then got them lost on the way back from the pub and we had to drive around the streets trying to find them. My mum was quite terrified by the whole thing and needless to say it's never happened again. MIL has suggested (to me) them getting together again several times as she really enjoyed herself! But there's no way my mum wants to repeat the experience. I can't imagine that they would ever meet again.

ColdRainAgain · 17/11/2019 20:49

They have met twice -once when we got engaged, and then at our wedding. They live about 3 hrs apart, and we live in another place - 2 hrs from one set, and 5 hrs from the other set.

mummypie17 · 17/11/2019 20:49

My mum and in laws get along well. They're not close friends but will come together for family functions, Christmas etc. They also help each other out if there is a need.

Biancadelrioisback · 17/11/2019 20:49

My parents and ILs go out together all the time! I think my mum is closer to MIL than I am and I adore her.

Jollitwiglet · 17/11/2019 20:49

They've met once so far at our wedding

Florencenotflo · 17/11/2019 20:49

My Dad knew my Mil before I did! They worked together for over 10 years. Then when DH left school he went to work there with my dad as his boss. That's how I met DH.

They all get on really well. Obviously they see each other at family things and my in laws are always invited to family events on my side of the family. I like it, makes things a lot easier then if they didn't get on because we are both close to our parents.

user1471550615 · 17/11/2019 20:51

I would say my DM and MIL tolerate each other but not much beyond that, polite chat etc. We have spent a few Christmases together and they’ll usually both come for DCs birthdays but MIL likes to play alpha grandparent (lots more picking up, hugging DC than normal, even butting in with disciplining just to show she’s super involved Hmm) which annoys me and DM equally. She’s very jealous of any time spent with my family and takes offence very easily, almost looking for things to get offended by, so can get really funny in these wider family situations. We try to keep them to a minimum but they both want to be involved in those big events so we just have to try and manage them as well as possible.

My own grandparents on the other hand were really close. They lived near each other and my GMs went on holiday together a couple of times after my GFs died. I always thought that was so nice and would have liked that, but hey ho, I wouldn’t trade my wonderful DH for the sake of a more laid back MIL!

Parttimewasteoftime · 17/11/2019 20:52

Been together 15+ years plus my parents and in laws see each other maybe a handful of times a year. All around DS birthdays etc etc think it's nice we all can have a chat. Wouldn't say they friends but all very nice good to know if needed they can contact each other in emergency.

Wizzbangpop · 17/11/2019 20:55

@ChampooPapi thanks it was a bit hard to write really. They all really does within 3 years of each other ( 20 years ago) apart from my dgm who died more recently. But she still spoke fondly of them all.

My parents lived in different countries and yet they still met up.thinking spending Christmases without them being there.

I'm currently single and it is on the wanted idea requirements list that all parents get on. As it was such an important part of my upbringing.

BuildBuildings · 17/11/2019 20:56

Together 15 years our mums have met once. Dad's haven't met each other or mums.