To feel angry when strangers touch my dd?

[IcingOnTheCake]

My dd is 10mths and it's lovely when people say how cute and pretty she is but why do they feel the need to touch her? People touch her hands, arms and face and i really don't like it. I just want to push them away and shout 'don't touch my baby!', i wouldn't do that of course, i just stand there and feel angry.

It always happens in supermarkets, especially at the checkout. Am i just a grump or is it ok for me to not want strangers touching my dd?

"How would they like to be disturbed eating their dinner? ."

Well to a lot of people especially in mediterranean countries dinner isn't just about eating , it's about getting together and talking.

That's very true NUT, it's the baby-chasing senior citizens of this world who should be more worried about what they might catch from your average snot/dribble/poo-exuding baby or toddler (especially those who go to nursery!)

Bookwormtailmum - surely it's not your dd that minds being disturbed while eating dinner, it's you that minds her being disturbed?
I agree that you are reasonable to find it annoying as of course you're the one that has to deal with the consequences if she doesn't eat, but aren't you projecting your feelings onto her a bit when you say 'how would they like to be disturbed?'

Kathy, my dd was quite happy to chat but you are right - she stopped eating to attend to chatting instead so I was the one who was annoyed. I think I phrased that badly .

Used to drive me mad when MIL would not leave mine alone during meals.

I think I am less fraeky about this with child 2 but there are occassions when I do object to people touching my kids.

I am however not a tactile person at all (except with dh and dds) and I suspect this has an impact on how I view casual contact.

Oh I don't like it at ALL

I think mp is right (and pmsl at smearing themselves with faecal matter) but I dislike it with every fibre of my middle class paranoid being

respecting a baby's personal space? PSML!
People quite often ruffle ds's hair these days and I think it's nice. It's good for children to see the world is a friendly place with friendly people in it.

I've had the children picked up and carried off in restaurants abroad! It's affectionate and friendly and part of a culture in which children are everyone's responsibility, which I think is a good thing, rather than this brutal English attitude of 'you chose to have children, therefore you should suffer for it personally and not expect any benefits/perks/friendliness'.

I dont like it when strangers (always elderly) insist on talking to my DD, she is incredably shy and has speech delay (she is 2). She will often hide her face away and still they insist on getting really close saying, oh, dont be shy, bla bla bla. I do try and get them to stop by saying, she wont talk to you she is very shy. I never say anything along the lines of "fucking leave her alone, cant you see you are upsetting her" but have been tempted many a time, but you can just see that these people are thinking about their children, long grown etc etc. The worse thing though is my ILs, MIL insists on getting right in DDs face the minute we get there, when she has usually just woken up after a long car journey and FIL insists on being all, well i cant describe it actually, but a bit shouty and overbearing and it really scares DD, This actually drives DP even more spare than it does me. He most certainly does suffer from PFB syndrome.

I find it quite sad actually, to be so wary, so disgusted by other people that you cant bare for them to touch your child.
Very wierd and a shame that the children will have this fear of others inflicted on them.

i find it a huge compliment when people want to talk to my dd. and what harm can a pat on the head or a touch of a hand really do?

so are children never to be taught to shake hands then? we are in serious danger of bringing up a bunch of scared, paraniod children if an old lady cant even come up to saya friendly hello. tis so sad imo.

i should point out that it is only because DD is so shy that i dont like this. I think i am guilty of touching babies actually, well, they are just soooo scrummy aren't they

your right lucym they are till they are teenagers

I don't mind people touching my dd hands or talking to her or hair. Don't like relatives wanting to kiss her on her face unless they are grandparents/ uncle and aunt. Everyone has PFC to some extent. When we holiday in Portugal as someone else said, my dd was 6mths and the waitress just scooped her of and went to show her to the other staff. I found this to be a real compliment because she thought my daughter was beautiful and wanted to show everyone else!

Children that go into daycare as babies are probably used to 'strange adults' touching them as they play with them and change their nappies etc. As long as they're given the chance to back away if they feel uncomfortable then there's no harm in people talking to them (as long as she's not supposed to be eating!!). After all, if they're with you, what harm can come to them? Some of my elderly neighbours and acquaintances crossed my dd's hand with 'gold' for luck when she was quite newborn. Her piggybank got quite fat on that account .

i'm with you there elsebells!! i have a 2 year old AND a 17 year old and have been rubbing sudocream onto both this weekend. On the two year old, cos she had a sore bum. On the 17 year old because she came home with a giant butterfly tattoo'ed onto her back and apparently it is what you have to do!!! Funnily enough, i don't find any old ladies ooohing and aaahing over DD1!!!!

I would be interested to know what people think about this, if it's not too much of a hijack.

As part of my work we were putting together an ethics code for students doing research some which included research with children. One of my colleagues wanted to put in the code 'Never touch a child.'

I thought this was outrageous and contested it vehemently. Her argument was that firstly it would protect our students from false accusations, and that secondly in some cultures it is regarded as wrong to touch children (she said Buddhists don't believe in touching people on the head. (???)).

I just reckoned that 'never touch a child' was far, far too strong a formulation. There was no particular reason why our students would need to touch children as part of their research, but if you are doing anything involving very young children (eg observing a lesson) you might need to touch one eg to stop them hurting themself or if they throw themselves at you in tears - you could always phrase it 'never touch a child unless necessary' or 'be aware of the cultural and religious taboos around touch'.

Hope this isn't too much of a hijack - I know it's not quite the same issue but there are connections.

have only read Op, YANBU , people hav eno right to do this. i hate it too! (goodness knows where their hands have been!) and also much liek when ppl think they can touch toiur pregnant belly!