To feel angry when strangers touch my dd?

[IcingOnTheCake]

My dd is 10mths and it's lovely when people say how cute and pretty she is but why do they feel the need to touch her? People touch her hands, arms and face and i really don't like it. I just want to push them away and shout 'don't touch my baby!', i wouldn't do that of course, i just stand there and feel angry.

It always happens in supermarkets, especially at the checkout. Am i just a grump or is it ok for me to not want strangers touching my dd?

I think babies and children can have a very strong sense of who they want around them and what they want from others.
My DD (4 months) hates to be held by anyone other than me, DH or my mum or MIL. This will pass or maybe it won't. And if they don't, the parents are the carers and therefore the parents decide what they think is appropriate behaviour around their children.

My DS (27 months) isn't expected to put up with kisses from anyone. He runs away when grannies and aunties come near with lips puckered. What am I supposed to do, hold him down squawking whilst they kiss him? They'll just have to do without if he feels that strongly about it. I never force my nephews and nieces to give me a kiss if they don't want to.

Nobody said anything about cold and ignoring. Just about not making assumptions about other people's kids.

That stranger danger thing is necessarily not clear-cut, though. In reality, we all interact with strangers all the time and our children see that. They have to learn what is dangerous and what isn't, like with anything.

It seems to be either black or white here. Either the child is ignored completly or the child is admired and touched. Why can't it just be the child is admired without being touched? Is that really hard to do?

mosschops, i really don't think it is contradictory. i teach my child to be accepting if i am accepting. i am accepting/ having an accepting attitude by allowing someone to touch my child.

by the time is in contact with strangers and unsupervised, he will certainly not be a baby or toddler anymore and will be well past the age of strangers 'touching' apart from shaking hands. however, i hope he will always be able to be friendly and polite to people who are 'smelly', 'mad' and less 'fortunate' than he is, rather than crossing the road.

I have some sympathy with the op as I don't like other people touching my dc's faces or getting too close. I have to fight the urge to slap their hands too. I don't mind a quick stroke on the back of their hand or a pat on the head though.

But on the other hand we can't all then complain about how in this country we don't have a very child friendly society compared with the Continent for example, where people are always making a fuss of small children which involves touching them and tousling their hair. It is all part of being child focused. Rather that than the people who scowl at them when they make noise and ignore the child if the child happens to catch their eye and smile at them.

Well "cold" has been said earlier on the thread, in a joking way.

I just meant if there is a toddler around, I think it's natural for people to be warm and engaged and chatty, and sometimes a physical gesture is just part of that. If people are the opposite extreme and scowl at DS, I find that harder than if they touch him. But of course there can be a warm and pleasant middle ground wiithout the touching.

I just meant I'd rather someone was physical (in a nice way) than the other extreme of being cold and uninvolved. Not that if they're not physical, that equals cold.

I can't spell this but my sis has impetigo and that is so contagous so i wouldn't be happy if she touched someones dc.

I can't spell this but my sis has impetigo and that is so contagous so i wouldn't be happy if she touched someones dc.

Then touching can go too far because some men get off on just stroking a childs face and i am very wary of that.

Is this a cultural thing maybe?

I think it is a cultural thing.

Also a generation thing too. It is often older people - my mum is a total embarrassment as she is always going up to small children for a chat and a quick stroke of their chubby cheeks - she'd spot them a mile off although she has improved since the arrival of my dc. She has some chubby cheeks she can legitmately stroke now.

What do you mean?

I am quite happy for people to kneel down and talk to ds on his level, make eye contact and speak to him nicely. Why on earth do they need to touch him ????

Because they are rude.

Yes because they are rude peederfiles who have pissed on their own hands and rubbed themselves with carcinogens and fecal matter JUST TO ENDANGER YOUR CHILDREN

NoBiggy, is your dc fair haired? Because we just had the same thing in Madeira. Loads of absentminded patting - apparently fairhaired children are considered lucky. Weirdest was two tiny children rushing up to dd (16mths) and smothering her in kisses and cuddles. Dd looked happy but bemused.

Did get a bit, 'my child is not an object!' after a while. But I think you have to accept things with the intention with which they were given. I also think the way the bloke in the cafe quacks at her is a bit weird. And the way my local shopkeepers give her highly inappropriate and dangerous penny chews or lollipops (which I surreptitiously swap outside the shop). But they are only being nice.

PMSL mp.

We found that in Madeira too mummymagic. I loved it tbh. So nice to have my children truly appreciated and welcomes with open arms everywhere.

roffle @ "highly dangerous penny chews"

Are they the sort that are utilised in warfare?

"Commander, the enemy are encroaching!"
"Quick, offer them these Black Magics and victory will be OURS!"

(Oh they were Black Jacks weren't they? )

My dd could turn a lollipop into a highly offensive weapon in an instant. God only knows what she would do with a penny chew.