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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my husband to share a hotel room with MIL?

396 replies

UnderHisEyeBall · 17/11/2019 10:25

Husband is away attending to family business next week. It is just over an hour away from where we live.

It was agreed he would stay overnight the first night as it involves an early start and a late finish. Now I have learned that MIL has booked him and her into a twin hotel room for TWO nights.

She has always been overbearing, has no boundaries and has caused significant problems (along with FIL) over the course of our relationship.

I think this sharing a room business is grim and have told him I don't want him sharing a room with her. He thinks I am being horrible.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 17/11/2019 13:05

Of course, other people have different opinions - that's to them, but I wouldn't want to do

Well that’s great, because no one is asking you to.
The OP’s DH is happy to do it though.

Sashkin · 17/11/2019 13:06

Sunshine, genuine question. What is OP referring to, if not potential incest, when she says it is “creepy”? To me, “creepy” means sexual.

If she said “I can’t imagine how he can stand to have so little privacy”, or “won’t it be inconvenient and awkward queuing for the bathroom”, fine (though it’s none of her business as long as her DH is ok with it).

But she says it’s “creepy”, and is trying to ban him from doing it. That suggests to me that she thinks something untoward will happen between them if they share.

Of course I don’t think they will have sex. OP seems to me to be suggesting inappropriately sexualised contact, which seems completely batshit to me unless there is a massive dripfeed coming.

Bringonspring · 17/11/2019 13:09

YABU

Sounds like you create a lot of drama. Pick your battles

MarziPam · 17/11/2019 13:10

'The perhaps Sunshine, the OP might like to clarify why she thinks it's 'grim'?'

Worra despite your definitions I think we all know grim nowadays just means urgh or distasteful.

I don't think it is creepy or grim but most grown men do not share hotel rooms with their mothers.

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2019 13:15

Exactly MarziPam

I don't think it's creepy or grim either and the fact most people choose not to do it is neither here nor there as the OP's DH is happy to.

sparklefarts · 17/11/2019 13:15

OP I think you need to come back and explain more because from that alone it sounds like you have some serious issues that would be worth seeing a professional for

Seasword · 17/11/2019 13:16

My brother and I shared a twin room when we had to go abroad for family stuff. It saved us around €200.
Not grim at all.

GnomeDePlume · 17/11/2019 13:26

The whole thing seems strange. Why does an hour's journey even if early and late need an overnight stay at all let alone two nights?

That's pretty much my daily commute including the early starts and late finishes.

I wonder if the DH doesnt see his DM as overstepping boundaries. If that is the case then it is possible that OP has a DH problem.

What I have seen is some men who revert to little boy status when in company of their DM. My DB does this, even in his 50s he still expects DM to buy his drink for him in a bar, DM doesnt but that doesnt stop his expectation.

Candelabra75 · 17/11/2019 13:26

If you think there's something sexual to it, then deal with it urgently. If not, then I don't see it as a problem. Seems a sensible way of saving money if it's merely a practical trip.

tomboytown · 17/11/2019 13:27

Do you have children?

If yes, I cannot possibly understand how him sharing with his mother would ever be a problem

If you don't have children, think about this; he grew inside of her, she gave birth to him, nursed him, fed him , bathed him.
How many times do you think they shared a bed, cuddled in together?
She's his mother

She might be a manipulating old cow bag, there might be way more to this, but she's his mother

Tennesseewhiskey · 17/11/2019 13:28

GnomeDePlume people are different. Some dont mind driving that distance. Some do.

He has decided he is staying over.

I dont agree OP definitely has a dh problem. Maybe he doesnt see her overstepping. Maybe he is right and the OP is over baring.

1Wildheartsease · 17/11/2019 13:28

Unless you suspect him of planning to be unfaithful to you with his mother (!) I can't see where this affects you.

He is happy about the sleeping arrangements (and presumably the cost), + she is happy... and they are both grown-ups.

Why does this matter to you at all?

Alsohuman · 17/11/2019 13:29

My son and I have shared a room. If there’s an en-suite, where’s the problem?

Sorrywhat · 17/11/2019 13:30

This is something my MIL would do and I agree it is weird (perhaps wouldn’t say grim). Thankfully my husband would think the same and tell her straight up that it wouldn't happen .

I wonder if some of the posters were also the type to walk around their fathers in their underwear which I most definitely think is grim. It’s not a bikini, it's underwear for those who would throw that card out there.

Different people with different viewpoints. I understand where you are coming from - it just doesn’t feel right. Your opinion is valid, however people want to twist it.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 17/11/2019 13:32

Sharing a room with a parent is perfectly sensible. Staying a second night when he’d planned otherwise with you is aggravating of her, though.

DangerClose · 17/11/2019 13:34

I wonder if some of the posters were also the type to walk around their fathers in their underwear which I most definitely think is grim. It’s not a bikini, it's underwear for those who would throw that card out there

I don't think it matters whether it's a bikini or underwear. It's fine if you wouldn't do it, but to call people "grim" just because their privacy boundaries are different to yours (both of which are WELL within the realms of normality) is just judgemental and rude.

Same with PP above who said "I get that people have different opinions, but anyone who does this is creepy"... well then you obviously don't really get that different people have different opinions.

DangerClose · 17/11/2019 13:35

Oh I totally get that some people hug their parents goodbye when they're not going to see them for a while, sure I get that everyone is different, but I would never HUG my parents.... and anyone who does is a sicko!

/sarcasm

Newbie1981 · 17/11/2019 13:35

I thought it said business at first which would have been very weird that she wanted to go. But just try read and realise you're being pathetic

Newbie1981 · 17/11/2019 13:35

Re read

LAMPS1 · 17/11/2019 13:38

My husband would not have wanted to share with his mother given the choice. Neither would I have chosen to share with my mother, though I did when she was ill/dying in order to be there for her.
The strange thing to me in this story is that the MIL took it upon herself to book a twin room for two nights when it wasn’t necessary. Especially with an early start and a late finish for work.
In an emergency, yes of course.
But under those circumstances for the sake of it ? That’s just weird.
So I’m with the OP on this one so far.
However where OP has gone wrong, is in actually dictating that she didn’t want her husband sharing with MIL instead of just asking why it was necessary, especially for two nights, and then explaining to him why she had the feeling it was a bit grim.
I’d want to ask him, if it was so imperative for her to see him whilst he is so busy with work, why not just have two singles for one night instead.

Morgan12 · 17/11/2019 13:42

I live with the fear that my sons will marry an arsehole just like you.

dorisdog · 17/11/2019 13:42

Hmmmm. I'm with the OP here. I wouldn't want to share a room with my Dad! I feel like that would super weird, as if I was still a child. I'd find it odd if my DP told me he was sharing a hotel room with his mum.

WorraLiberty · 17/11/2019 13:43

I wonder if the DH doesnt see his DM as overstepping boundaries. If that is the case then it is possible that OP has a DH problem.

It's also possible the DH has an OP problem...

GnomeDePlume · 17/11/2019 13:44

^he grew inside of her, she gave birth to him, nursed him, fed him , bathed him.
How many times do you think they shared a bed, cuddled in together?^

Hopefully she stopped all of the above in childhood!

I have DCs but would not ever consider sharing with my now adult DCs unless it was totally unavoidable.

overnightangel · 17/11/2019 13:44
Biscuit Maybe the MIL is “overbearing” because she’s realised her son is married to an absolute fucking fruitcake!!!