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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want Primark to provide a women only changing room?

366 replies

Amelia1985x · 16/11/2019 15:22

I’m a regular Primark customer and was surprised to go the store yesterday and find all the changing rooms had been redesignated as mixed sex. The shop assistant told me not to worry, because most customers on the ladies’ floor were women, and anyway, she could see down the line of curtained cubicles and would challenge a “dodgy man”. When I questioned her about how she would spot one, she called the Manager as he could explain the policy better.

He told me the world was changing. I asked him why Primark had had sex segregated changing rooms in the first place. No answer. I asked him what specific legislative change or scientific discovery had occurred that made the world different to this time last year. No answer. He said that this arrangement was more inclusive for nonbinary people.

I explained that I didn’t feel that comfortable stripping to my knickers in a mixed area, and he told me I could always use the one disabled cubicle which has a lockable door. Clearly this has been designed for mixed sex use and did have a lock, but obviously I would then be blocking its use for a disabled person. He suggested there was no reason to be concerned. Yet when I think about me and my women friends, all our me-too moments, - of being flashed at, or masturbated at, sexual assaults and rapes – all have been my men.

The manager was unabashed. He said Primark had done research – even though he couldn’t produce it, and there were no leaflets or posters to explain this HUGE policy change to customers. He told me I was the only person who had ever complained.

So I guess this is what I want to know. Am I a dinosaur? Am I being unreasonable to want a women only changing room?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BuzzShitbagBobbly · 18/11/2019 06:45

Armadillostoes "I not[e] that Buzz didn't come back after being called out on dismissing the experiences of people unfortunate enough to have been sexually assaulted by a woman. Stating that it is unusual and therefore can be ignored is pretty awful for the victims-Male or female."

Why would you immediately assume I didn't come back for nefarious "gotcha" reasons - when actually I simply closed my app and did some real life stuff, and then went to bed.

I'll respond when I have some more time to catch up on the thread and can then correct the words you so keenly tried to put in my mouth.

OlaEliza · 18/11/2019 08:41

@Bellaxx8

I believe based on my life experience that more men and boys are sexually predatory than we currently recognise

My life experience has told me the exact opposite to that.

Mixed changing rooms don’t bother me, I’m behind a curtain/door🤷🏼‍♀️

If you really don’t like it then take it home and try it on or shop elsewhere.

Your experience is unfortunately probably in the minority.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 18/11/2019 09:12

Oh Lordy don't tell me that the old 'women lesbians are predatory' myth has surfaced as a reason for why women would be better off sharing changing rooms with men?

Uncompromisingwoman · 18/11/2019 09:26

When Eckhart states "Adequate security is necessary to stop men (or anybody) abusing women (or anybody) It really is that simple is just not true! A quick glance at the relationships board and threads where women disclose their stories of abuse, harassment, rape etc will show what an offensive statement that is.

We use society's knowledge about risk to children, women (and men) when they are vulnerable to prevent harm and use strategies like sex segregation to safeguard. That's why companies who choose to remove previously sex segregated spaces are so dangerous. They are not doing it to reduce the risk - the impact is precisely the opposite. They are not doing it because women are demanding to undress in the company of men. They are doing it because people (mainly men) who have no interest or care for the safety of women and children are demanding it for their own ends. That is what is so offensive.

Siameasy · 18/11/2019 09:45

I’m in my 40s. I’ve met one predatory female. Couldn’t tell you how many males. And guess what, I’ll take my chances and fight any female but I’ve no chance against any male over 16

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 18/11/2019 09:52

It's a bit late once something actually has happened. You can't un-ring a bell.

I always want to ask these companies if there's a limit on how many women and girls would need to be harmed before they'd reconsider this very stupid policy. If there are a dozen incidents would the reevaluate? What about if there were 100 incidents? Is there any point at which they're prepared to go, you know, the collateral damage from our attempts to look woke is just too high?

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 18/11/2019 10:55

I always want to ask these companies if there's a limit on how many women and girls would need to be harmed before they'd reconsider this very stupid policy. If there are a dozen incidents would the reevaluate? What about if there were 100 incidents? Is there any point at which they're prepared to go, you know, the collateral damage from our attempts to look woke is just too high?

I imagine if a Director's teenage daughter, wife, or mother was assaulted, filmed or raped that policy would get rescinded pronto.

All the other faceless women don't matter.

thenightsky · 18/11/2019 11:05

I've reached the grand old age of 60 without ever meeting a predatory female.

HandsOffMyRights · 18/11/2019 11:06

Depressingly true Buzz and Prodigal

Litigation maybe. But to even reach the stage where victims seek legal action, it will be too late.

YourOpinionIsNoted · 18/11/2019 11:21

Litigation is what will eventually bring this whole thing down. But it will be years in the future and the number of women and girls harmed by that point will be vast.

It's so upsetting to realise how little we are worth to our society.

FenellaVelour · 18/11/2019 11:32

Curtained cubicles? Not a chance in hell.
Lockable individual cubicles - I previously have stated I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but I had failed to consider men such as one I personally know who is in jail for hidden camera voyeurism. Mixed sex changing facilities would be handing men like this their fetish on a platter and putting all women and girls at risk.

So no. Under any circumstances.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 18/11/2019 11:35

It's cubicles with lockable doors so I don't see an issue. I'll save getting my knickers in a knot for the ones with flappy curtains.

notnowmaybelater · 18/11/2019 11:37

FoamingAtTheUterus it's curtains - it says so in the first paragraph of the opening post.

TheMidasTouch · 18/11/2019 11:48

"You need to write to head office to voice your concerns, it might not make a difference but if enough women make a noise about this it may make them reconsider."
Wouldn't an on-line petition garner more support?

YourOpinionIsNoted · 18/11/2019 12:05

Writing to HQ will have no impact - see the m&s has fallen threads. You will get a generic copy and paste response to the first email and will then be ignored.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 13:04

@uncompromisingwoman Look up the word 'adequate'.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 13:12

@notnowmaybelater I have repeatedly said that the current situation is unacceptable. I thought we were allowed to make suggestions about how we would prefer things to be. So yes, if what you need me to say is 'It is shit', no problem. It is shit.

Why is everybody commenting if you don't want to hear people's views on it? We just need to agree, right?: It is shit. No ideas for how we might prefer it, no ideas for how we might be able to protect people (including protecting women from men and all the other permutations of 'protecting people'), no discussions of how we feel things might work or not, no debate.

Just: It is shit.

Fraggling · 18/11/2019 13:14

I'm 45 and have also never met a predatory woman, literally more dodgy men than I can count or remember.
The idea that women are as bad and it's hidden is an mra lie and also lesbophobic.

HandsOffMyRights · 18/11/2019 13:20

no debate

Hmm..now where have I heard that line used before? 🤔

notnowmaybelater · 18/11/2019 13:26

Eckhart are you replying to my comment to foamingattheuteris ? I was directly responding to her misunderstanding that the current set up involved lockable cubicles, not to your repeated comments on hypothetical situations where companies are uninterested in profit and delighted to invest hundreds of thousands per store in huge floor to ceiling lockable cubicles and trained security guards for changing rooms.

Quiethowlsinluditebeck · 18/11/2019 13:30

I think this is very upsetting. I won't buy anything from retailers who have absolutely no respect for the very real fears of women.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 14:03

@quiethowininluditebeck That is a good point. I'm sure we'll all stop shopping at Primark now. That'll learn 'em, when their shops are only used by abusive men and nobody else will go in!

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 14:06

@notnowmaybelater Sorry, I may have responded to something not meant for me there, yes.

We know they're only interested in profit. They'll make more money if they only have to provide one block of changing rooms and can use the rest of the floor space for sales. So we're all going to have to boycott them until they put in lockable doors and adequate security, aren't we.

Eckhart · 18/11/2019 14:12

@notnowmaybelater Why are you so insistent that this is all hypothetical? They will respond to our wallets. I'm a bit powerless because I don't shop there, but if you do, you can bring it from hypothetical into real life. A healthy debate can fire people up to take action.

Unless you think we should just all sit here on a forum and complain amongst ourselves?

LentilHearted · 18/11/2019 14:22

It was bad enough single sex, I had some girls open my curtain while I was trying on a bra, I covered up and went after them, called the woman managing the fitting rooms and we went and found them. They denied it but they got a bollocking and left looking scared and nervous. Imagine teenage boys doing that, they would do it, girls do it, so open my curtain, I'm braless, load of blokes out there, I'd go mental.