Is DD being a spoilt brat?

[Inlawsoutlaws]

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs (to live together). They are late twenties living in a very expensive European city. One has a short term boyfriend and the other is single.

DH and I want to buy a large house for them which would effectively use up our spare cash and be their inheritance. House in question is a bit tired and would require work. DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost. They also see it as a short term arrangement and would rather buy a flat, which I am very against for various reasons (primarily do not see it as a good investment).

They are in such a fortunate position but can’t seem to see it! Are they being spoilt? We lock horns all the time about their reasoning but I want to get outside opinions

So actually you’re not buying them the house, they’d be stuck with a 200k joint mortgage together, as siblings. Can you not see how unreasonable that is? Me and my husband have a 200k mortgage - I don’t consider it a small mortgage, and I’d certainly not tie myself to a friend or sibling in that way. I lived with my sister for about a year once when she had to move out of her flat, and it definitely put a strain on our relationship - and I was renting at that time.

This is bizarre, and doesn’t make any sense.

This is nuts. So many better ways to invest the money and help your DCs than forcing them into a mortgaged house share that requires renovation!

You couldn't pay me to live with my brother in a house owned by my parents that I had to take out a mortgage on and do up.

when squatters come in it can be impossible to evict them.
Squatting has been illegal in the UK since 2012.

Reverse. If this was the parent the title would read 'DCs' not 'DD' - clearly this is the DD posting.

And you are being very reasonable OP - your parents 'gift' is a millstone round your neck.

If affordable, two starter flats is so much more sensible!

You seem very controlling.

The updates are funny.

A “gift” that would force each child to take on a £100k debt on a property that will feel like a millstone around their necks. Forced to live with a sibling for an indeterminate time, and hope that your sibling never wants to sell before you do, and forces you into a position of having to buy them out of a house you’re halfway through renovating? Assuming the current renovations have gone smoothly and you haven’t fallen out already about budgets etc

It’s nice to be wealthy and be able to help your DC. But your financial position shouldn’t allow you to decide where and how they have to live. Either use your money as a gift to allow each DC to buy and live in what they want to, or don’t offer the money.

You’re not a spoilt brat because you have an opinion on how you wish to live in your 20s. Doesn’t matter who is waving money at you to do as they wish

Plus, depending on their individual posteriors, it would piss me off to be told I need to borrow a “small” paltry £100k to please my mother. FFS

Positions, not posteriors 😂

I'd give them each a cash gift and be done with it. They're adults and they can decide what to do with the money.

Millions of people in European cities live in flats. It's totally the done thing. I know because I am one.

Much better for them to get a flat each. Then they are free to live their own life as they wish.

But, maybe more pertinent, are they UK citizens? I would not do anything till after Brexit happens (or not).

www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/nov/15/job-hunting-britons-in-eu-say-brexit-is-taking-its-toll

YABU either way. Either this is a reverse, which I completely loathe, or otherwise you are expecting them to take out a (small?!) mortgage that doesn't suit either of their needs now, let alone in 5 years

I wouldn’t buy a big old house for adult siblings, it just won’t work.

Say you have 350,000 you want to invest. I’d invest 125,000 in a one bed flat each for them in an up and coming area, and give them 3000 to furnish and decorate. And spend the rest on another flat to let out

This is a ridiculous idea. My DSis and love each other dearly but this type of arrangement would have been a disaster.

You sound controlling, OP, it appears that you think you have to have your own way.

Yep, this must be a reverse

Ladies - you are not bring unreasonable. Decline the offer and then refuse to discuss it further. I'm sure you'll both make successes of your lives independently of any support from your parents.

YABVU or this is a reverse.

I don't think you're being reasonable or realistic.

What if in a couple of years one of them wants to move in with a partner and needs a mortgage for it. Where does that leave the other sibling?

Who is going to do and pay for the work on the house?

Give them half the money each for an individual deposit.

You're very controlling. Just give them the money for a deposit like a normal family would do if they had the money. Your daughters are very sensible for not letting themselves be talked into it, especially with a mortgage. Btw, £100k each mortgage isn't small!

You found a house that requires doing up, lots of upkeep and is 200 k over budget, and you think your kids are SPOILT BRATS for not agreeing with you??

Sounds like you are trying to control your children.

You expect them to live in a house together that neither of them want. You expect them to take on a large mortgage to live in a house neither them want.

If you want to be nice them split the money and let them buy their own choice of property.

It sounds like you want their house as an investment property for yourself and not a home for them.

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs

No you cant- you can give them some money towards. You are delusional

They could have children within 12 months. What would happen then?

Why would adult siblings want to be tied together for 25 years?

Sounds controlling- like you don't want them to grow up or have a life.

Buy a house, let it out and divide the rent so they receive 50% income from the rent.
Otherwise, why are you trying to micro-manage them in their 20’s?

I am also working on the basis this is a reverse.
Your DP's are not being reasonable.
It would be far more sensible of them to help you buy separate flats.