McDonald’s isn’t a ‘treat’

[Busybeebeebee]

I’ll try and keep this simples.

Both my sons go to their dad alternate weekends Friday 4pm- Sunday 3pm.
On a Friday when he picks them up, they go to McDonald’s for tea.
Saturday they tend to go somewhere like Brewers Fayre which although is marginally better still processed chicken crap with fries and a token corn on the cob.
Sunday it’s back to McDonald’s for lunch.

He genuinely sees no issue with this.

AIBU?

YABU - yes, all kids like McDonald’s and twice in a weekend is fine.

YANBU - cooking something decent for growing kids twice a fortnight isn’t difficult!

Don’t get me wrong, in an emergency I would stop and grab them something in McDonald’s but I can’t get my head around it being something to get excited about. 4 shitty nuggets, tiny portion of fries and a milkshake. They don’t even like the toys.

I hold my hands up, I’m not a food nazi or anything like that, I just genuinely am astounded.

As long as it all averages out, I honestly wouldn't care

But it's OP who has to average it out. Her ex gives them 3 junk meals in 3 days EVERY fortnight.

My ex does this exact thing.

Used to drive me bonkers because they are fussy eaters, it’s unhealthy, and it leaves no room for me as a parent to do cheat/fast food meals on my watch. I’m desensitised to it now. I have issues with food, and I realised if I continued to get upset when I couldn’t change it, I would cause my children to recognise these food as treat/reward, now I say nothing. Ex lives on fast food and not fat. I don’t and I’m fat! ☹️

YANBU - the onus should be on both of you to provide mainly healthy meals.

It would piss me off mainly because if it were reversed and every weekend you fed them like that people would look down their nose at you and think you should do better but I also don't think that they should be in the habit of thinking this is how they should eat regularly.

So two weekends a month but the rest of the time with you they eat healthier food? I don't see a problem with that at all, unless their weight is more than it should be? Two weekends a month in my opinion is a treat, it equates to 4 days out of 30/31

Not the OP obviously but to me it wouldn't be a case of they eat healthy all the time so they're OK with a treat two weekends a month.
It'd be more the fact that if every main meal was at McDonalds and Brewers Fayre etc ie eating out from Fri - Sun when they're with their Dad, it'd be more a case of FFS can you at least look like you can be arsed to feed them properly at least once lol

A PP makes a very good point, and kind of proves my point of child nutrition being her job, that him using up all the "occasionallies" [made up word alert] leaves her with no options. She has to provide the veggies and healthy food because otherwise they are eating far more crap than they should.

As a lone parent who works a 48 hour week over 4 days, sometimes I am simply too fucking tired to steam a basket of cunting vegetables. I want to order out. But if the ex bastard has fed them crap over the previous weekend, I cant. The ex bastard who has only worked a 20 hour week btw because he is a work shy cunt. It turns out that leaving him didnt stop me having to pick up the pieces of his utterly shit parenting.

Tired, pissed off, and never get a weekend off work. I may be incoherently ranting.

@PyongyangKipperbang 100% agree! Love to say come on kids let’s have a meal out / takeaway/ treat etc but means nothing to them. There is evidence to suggest you get hooked on the fatty fast food too changing eating patterns for life.
BUT, I can’t change it. I’ve tried. I could block contact but my children would hate me. Is diet more important than contact? Proving a point doesn’t work with him either.

Urrghhhhhhh.

This thread clearly proves that mumsnet really is a forum full of man haters.

1)Relationship breaks down- father wants hardly anything (if nothing) to do with his kids, has no respect for the mother and tries every trick in the book to get out of paying maintenance- SCUMBAG.
2)Relationship breaks down- father is involved, sees his kids regularly, wants to spend time and money on them and treats them to food they enjoy/meals out as often as he can when they are in his care-SCUMBAG.

No wonder this forum has such a bad reputation.

3. Father wants to see his kids but quickly realises that this involves him having to parent because no one else is doing it for him anymore so he takes the easy option rather than actually putting any effort in - SCUMBAG

@Helmlover1*
Relationship breaks down- father is involved, sees his kids regularly, wants to spend time and money on them and treats them to food they enjoy/meals out as often as he can when they are in his care-SCUMBAG.

Ah, see, I'd usually be with you on your opinion here, as you say at least he wants to see them which isn't what you usually hear on here!
Nothing wrong with eating out. At all.
If it was every time when with contact McDonalds and Brewers type meals between Fri and Sun and no home cooking at all I'd be a bit
Bit of balance!

Oh and by the way..... feeding kids a good diet rather than what they would rather have ie crap, makes a man a better father than one who gives in to their wants and leaves the hard work to the other parent. FYI

@Helmlover1 If a father or mother wants to give ‘treat’ food once in a while. All good. My ex does it as his dietary staple with contact.

It leaves all serious dietary parenting to ME. That acceptable?
If my kids are obese as teenagers are there not articles in the press blaming parents on children’s diets?

I want my kids healthy, well balanced diet. If Disney dad wants to feed our kids utter shit For every minute he has contact, what should I do?

1)Relationship breaks down- father wants hardly anything (if nothing) to do with his kids, has no respect for the mother and tries every trick in the book to get out of paying maintenance- SCUMBAG.
2)Relationship breaks down- father is involved, sees his kids regularly, wants to spend time and money on them and treats them to food they enjoy/meals out as often as he can when they are in his care-SCUMBAG.

Yes I can see how it would seem too much to pay maintenance, spend time with them and care about their health and overall well-being. God all these man hating women, lower your bar would you! Just be grateful they haven't done a runner and are somewhat interested.

And people do realise you can eat out and still be healthy? So if he doesn't cook that's not actually a problem. My local cafe sells chicken salads, steaks, chicken mains, soup, fish. It's no harder to go in there than it is Macdonald's.

There is quite a lot of crap in a normal teen and preteen diet between school and meals at friends' houses and snacking, but if this man never cooks a home made meal for them then YANBU to assume he is lazy and also maybe trying to show off that he has cash and is Fun Parent trying to show you up (LOL).

God all these man hating women, lower your bar would you! Just be grateful they haven't done a runner and are somewhat interested.

I suggest instead that you raise yours Yeahyh. Men don't deserve medals for showing an interest in their own children.

Feeding children any old crap is not good parenting and society should expect way more from men.

I think YANBU. Once every fortnight is a treat (confession: me and DH eat Mc D on thursday evening for dinner because we love it so much but eat healthy the rest of the week). But twice in a weekend is too much! If he really can’t be arsed to cook, wouldn’t it be better if the DC had some ready made salad from the supermarket? I know it’s not super healthy either but surely much healthier then MC D.

Do they eat fruit / vegetables as a snack or meal when they are with him?

@mathanxiety yes I know. Hence my heavy sarcasm.

Im not seeing the issue actually
We drop into maccas at least once a week
The number of quick meals I "cook" during the week would leave everyones head spinning i think.
Hot dogs, pizza, meat pies are all on regular rotation as I simly hate cooking from scratch and hate the whole "no you gotta at least try" argument, leaving me pissed when none of the meal is touched.
I love the path of least resistance.

Plus if he gets the fortnightly, i doubt he would want to spend that time cooking and then getting them to eat.
Maccas is fast, easy and no stress

@squeekums I would say that this is your choice but what your listing feeding your kids is far from a balanced diet unless your chucking vast quantities of green veg on the side of each dish that your not mentioning. green veg carries antioxidants, fibre and vitamins.

OP mentioned her ex taking their kids to McDonald’s, brewers Fayre etc each weekend he had them.

It’s not ok to do this. Salt content, lack of fibre, vitamins, and sugar content in ketchup it’s super high.

If he can’t be arsed to cook, seeing them 4 nights a month 48 nights out of 365 )not much hey!), then the learned behaviour will be fast food, McDonald’s, zero cooking skills. Surely if you see your kids 4 nights a month you want to try a bit harder? Teach them? Influence them?
My ex does the same, plus shit loads of sugar. He’s not flexible.

L

that'll teach me to skip pages.

Sorry, @yeahyh, just read the rest of your posts.

When dc go to their dads they get fed ready meals, chicken nuggets, crisps and sweets no better than McDonald's I guess - I'd love it if they got a brewers (they'd choose the carvery with meat and veg not the junk food. It's. It's annoying as it means I have to compensate and always offer healthy meals but not sure what can be done. He's too stubborn so if I say something he'll do the opposite

There’s no third option for
3) you clearly can’t stand this man and whilst it’s not great, do you really want to create a big drama for your kids. Might it be better to not worry about what they do in his time and let everyone have a much more pleasant existence.

He has them for six meals, and two of them are MacDonald's?

Since he has them every other weekend, this represents four MacDonald's meals a month?

I guess it is a bit lazy but, since you say that he and his wife eat out a lot, that is obviously their lifestyle. Assuming this is the only thing he does that annoys you, I don't think it qualifies him as a shit dad and I personally couldn't get worked up about it.

@Busybeebeebee You sound very controlling. Presumably it’s your ex’s time to be the full time parent in charge so if he chooses McDonald’s then it’s up to him, stop sticking your beak in. If your son’s weren’t happy then i’m sure your son’s would ask to be take somewhere for a healthy salad, but they’re not.... My son (16) would be in heaven if his dad did this as he loves all that shite.

Every Friday night I do "movie night" with the children. We grab a McD's on the way home from my mums, sit down and watch a film on Amazon Prime, Netflix etc together.

I work from home and all too often I'm found attached to my laptop so those couple of hours, plus treat of McDs is lovely.

Depending on how much work I've got on and deadlines determines how much effort goes into cooking other weekend meals. Sometimes it's easypeasy pasta with hidden veg in the sauce (fist pump! easy win!) and sometimes it's a full roast, casserole, curry etc.

I work 7 days a week generally and at the moment, I'm not getting to bed every night because trying to balance my self-employed working deadlines and supporting my SEN child is fucking impossible. I'm like a walking zombie. But I still manage to whack something together, even if it's really basic. I'm a very long way from perfect but it's not difficult to do something very simple.

Mind you, I"ve just thought - what's the ex like at cooking? Is he competent/confident enough to cook their food? Would he be amenable to some simple suggestions??