McDonald’s isn’t a ‘treat’

[Busybeebeebee]

I’ll try and keep this simples.

Both my sons go to their dad alternate weekends Friday 4pm- Sunday 3pm.
On a Friday when he picks them up, they go to McDonald’s for tea.
Saturday they tend to go somewhere like Brewers Fayre which although is marginally better still processed chicken crap with fries and a token corn on the cob.
Sunday it’s back to McDonald’s for lunch.

He genuinely sees no issue with this.

AIBU?

YABU - yes, all kids like McDonald’s and twice in a weekend is fine.

YANBU - cooking something decent for growing kids twice a fortnight isn’t difficult!

Don’t get me wrong, in an emergency I would stop and grab them something in McDonald’s but I can’t get my head around it being something to get excited about. 4 shitty nuggets, tiny portion of fries and a milkshake. They don’t even like the toys.

I hold my hands up, I’m not a food nazi or anything like that, I just genuinely am astounded.

What time they go to bed? How often they watch tv? What type of toothpaste they brush their teeth with?

Yes, all these things should be agreed because they all impact on the child's life. A child who doesn't sleep all weekend will find it difficult to function at school. A child who is infront of a screen all weekend may not have done any homework. Toothpaste is less of a worry, but parents certainly need to agree that their child brushes their teeth and sees a dentist.

I think YANBU.
My SD7 is always eating McDonald's, KFC, etc. Mostly Macca's though when she is with BM. It makes me so angry because

1. SD always wants Macca's and is always asking or expects it.
2. It is no longer a treat, even with us, BM has spooled that fantasy
3. She is an unhealthy weight, BM picks at her for being chubby too..
4. BM is always rabbiting on about how the are "Keto" at her house.. Macca's is not keto love...

Merrymouse but you’re using extremes in your post aren’t you. If the father wasn’t letting his children sleep or wasn’t feeding them then that would be neglect and of course the mother should step in. But this isn’t the case here. The father is feeding his children, the mother is just being controlling and somewhat ‘snobby’ over her exes parenting choices. Other posters have pointed out that brewers fayre and McDonald’s to an extent do offer healthy options, so who’s to say the father isn’t giving the kids their ‘treat’ on a Friday and then encouraging them to choose a healthier option at a restaurant the following day. I personally can’t see any issue here and most people I know get takeaways or eat out at a weekend.

I can't remember, without going back and reading everything (& I have read it all so far), if the op has said how old her children are. It's not irrelevant because after a certain age (often before!), children will state their preferences.

I'd be annoyed because its basically abdicating anybresponsibilty for their health and nutrition. What if heaven forbid something happened you and he had them all the time, what would he do then?

Food like that is a treat if its every few weeks or months. Every other week for every meal is lazy and snacks of "Disney dad" with no parental responsibility!

I never really understand why people think McDonald's is that bad. Surely it depends what you order? So in your happy meal you could have 3 fish fingers, carrot sticks, fruit bag and water. Not exactly heart attack on a plate is it? Even just chicken nuggets and chips not that bad, the portions are pretty small!!

If your kids are stuffing themselves a Big Mac, milkshake etc. maybe work together to help them make better choices. Otherwise I'd just leave it.

Merrymouse but you’re using extremes in your post aren’t you.

Not really - the point I'm making is that parents need to be able to communicate with each other and agree some common principles whether they are together or not.

Also it’s ridiculously easy to make a basic nutritious kids meal
Baked potato with tuna low fat yog and light mayo and cucumber
Salmon dash of soy sauce green beans Couscous
Scrambled egg cherry tomatoes whole meal toast
It’s not hard is it?

Maybe the op would like to have McDonalds once a week too but can’t because of her lazy cf ex

@user1471462209

Yes, because children always tend to pick the carrot sticks and fish despite many posters of delicious milkshake and nuggets

@Noti23 mine do! They are only little though. I just think there's a bigger problem if the kids want to over eat junk at any opportunity. If they don't and are a healthy weight. Meh.

Yes, it’s shit. But it is completely outside your control so there is no point worrying about it.

You have no right to dictate to him what he feeds the children when they are with him. Just as I am sure you wouldn’t take kindly to him trying to dictate to you.

The impact on their physical health of eating McDonalds 4 times a month is far less significant than the impact on their mental health of you getting stuck into conflict with their dad about it, or even noticing you eye-rolling every time they mention where they’ve been.

Sooner or later they’ll get bored of it and start nagging him to feed them something else.

Not sure that’s right. This high fat salt processed food is designed to be addictive he setting up a nice taste for that with his regular happy meals. No accident that whole families overweight it’s not their genes but their shared eating habits.

Just to close this off, thanks for all the replies whether you agree with my point of view or not, it’s been reassuring to know I’m not completely mental for thinking it’s a bit lazy of him.
Children have returned today with a McDonalds balloon from their lunch today but ironically in front of their dad they said ‘yay are we having roast dinner tonight mummy?’

It speaks volumes about the effort he puts in as a father. That itself, is more worrying.

Given it takes 10 minutes to boil pasta, add pesto or cheese and open a tin of sweetcorn or olives, YANBU!! Hard to know what to do about it though.

I'd imagine dad and his wife would have a fruit bowl into which the children are allowed to delve, most people do.

I'm catching up and this made me laugh like a drain.

Prize for most naively middle class comment ever goes to.... :o:o:o

It’s their routine with their ad. It might stink to you but in the scheme of things it’s not bad. Your kids are being fed and looked after. It’s more than many kids get and they have a relationship with their dad which is a credit to both of you as adult co-parents.
Cliche time : choose your battles and Don’t sweat the small stuff.

*I'd imagine dad and his wife would have a fruit bowl into which the children are allowed to delve, most people do.

I'm catching up and this made me laugh like a drain.

Prize for most naively middle class comment ever goes to.... *

Brilliant @PyongyangKipperbang

Pyongyang

MsTSwift - it's easy, yes, and then someone has to clean up the kitchen after dad cooks.

Why can’t dad clean up the kitchen? Unless impaired in some way

@mathanxiety do you really run round after your OH cleaning up after him? Pathetic in my opinion!

How much cleaning up is needed after making pasta?? Some pathetic excuses and excusing of lazy parenting here. Its worse because he onky has to feed them 4 days a month. It would be more understandable if they had McDs twice a week with the RP because she's fitting ng in work, school run, activities etc. For the NRP to do it that often is just crap, and yes is the RPs business, just like it is for me when my ex goes all weekend without showering her or brushing our dds hair, or fails to their homework with them.

MsTSwift and SpanglyDangly, sorry if my sarcasm wasn't clear. My point was that if the dad is so lazy that he won't cook for his children he is probably too lazy to clean up after himself in the kitchen too.

It's entirely possible that he was trying to foist the feeding of his two children on his second wife, with all the meal planning, the cooking and the cleanup that involves, and she was having none of it. Or maybe he cooked once or twice and left a mess for wifey to clear up. Perhaps she knows what breakfast and lunchtime involve and drew a line at dinner.