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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or am I being a fool? - boyfriend related

247 replies

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 21:44

I currently live in a different city from my long term boyfriend for a variety of reasons. We have lived together in the past and are currently 3 hours by train away from each other. We still manage to see each other about every 3 weeks for a weekend.

As I had some free time recently we decided I would come and stay him for a week. He still has work during the day and has still done his hobby which he does twice a week whilst I am here, which is totally fine.

Tonight we made a plan to have dinner together just in the house. I use the word plan loosely though. It was just me asking what time he was going to be back and me saying I will make dinner for us and him saying he would be back by 7.30. I asked if he would bring wine. He said yes.

I was messaging him around 7.30 and just happened to ask if he was nearly back. He said no, he was in the pub and was just finishing his pint then would be leaving. Slightly annoyed at this point as that would bring it to 8 and dinner was ready. But I thought I would just heat it up and it would be fine.

8.15 comes. Still not back. Ask when he is coming and says he will be leaving soon. Properly annoyed now, but leave it.

Time passes. 8.45. Still not home. Finally decide I have to tell him I am upset. He basically ignores it and replies with general chat. I ring him. He answers but cannot hear him as it is so loud.

Now it is 9.40 and he is still not home. I am really upset. He is going to come back and say we never had real plans. It is kind of true, but even if we didn't I am still visiting him and he should have come back to see me shouldn't he?

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 15/11/2019 18:48

So glad to read your update OP - that's exactly the right thing to do. Will he let you in when you return from your evening out, d'you think, and have you got a plan B in case his arseholery extends that far?

Frownette · 15/11/2019 18:49

You poor thing - stay safe and warm tonight and safe journey home tomorrow

FraglesRock · 15/11/2019 18:54

What an arse, he's not treating you well at all. He should be desperate to see you.

Scribblescribbles · 15/11/2019 19:06

So moneys tight and you spent it on train fare to see him. He must realise this and doesn't appreciate you esp as he has form for this. You deserve better.

666onmyhead · 15/11/2019 19:14

Can your pennies stretch to a packet or two of cress to sprinkle into the carpet, or chilli power in the shower gel ???

Honeyroar · 15/11/2019 19:16

@Lyingwitch that's a good thing to teach your children. I once got stuck in Italy while au pairing for a nightmare of a woman, with no money and a non changeable return ticket for three months later!

MarianaMoatedGrange · 15/11/2019 19:23

@sittingunderthetree ah, different OP with another arsehole! thanks for clarifying! Grin

ellaandthebella I hope you enjoy your evening, and I hope you dump the twat and never visit him again.

ohfourfoxache · 15/11/2019 19:24

You’re better off without this cuntweasel in your life

elmosducks · 15/11/2019 19:42

Have you everything packed for tomorrow?

ShirleyPhallus · 15/11/2019 19:46

Good for you OP

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/11/2019 20:21

Honeyroar, in my circumstances I stupidly spent the taxi money that I had safely kept separate from spending money on my night out. It was only because I was picked up by the police on my walk home at 2am that I wasn't raped or worse. The police followed the man who was following me and had him arrested. They took me home and said never to take such a risk ever again.

That was my lesson and whilst it's not the same as the OP's, I don't ever want my children to be without the means to get themselves out of difficulty because they may not be as lucky as I was that a friendly police car happened to spot me.

OP's story makes me shudder and her initially blase stance made me wonder if she was cognisant of the risks she was taking.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/11/2019 20:23

@Honeyroar... forgot to ask. How did you get home? Did you have to stick it out for the whole three months? It must have been soul-destroying for you.

AnyFucker · 15/11/2019 20:41

True, LyingWitch

BarbaraFromOopNorth · 15/11/2019 20:45

Stay strong Op.

My ex-boyfriend used to pull stunts like this. I cannot tell you what an absolute bloody breath of fresh air DH was. He popped around one night after work before collecting his sister from the station. Suddenly realised the time and said he had to dash as he HAD to be there when she arrived as he didn't want her hanging around on her own (was about 9pm). He went up in my estimation instantly. You need a kind hearted man. They do exist!

Honeyroar · 15/11/2019 21:00

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I was lucky that I'd previously worked in Italy, albeit the other end of the country, so I saved for a couple weeks until I could afford a train ticket to go and stay with them. The agency found me another family to work for a few days later that was lovely. I the agency felt bad because the woman had been awful to the previous au pair and they'd thought it was the au pair being flaky.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 15/11/2019 21:00

Gosh he's brave. He treats you like shit then leaves you in his flat all day with his stuff.

Just saying. 🍤✂️
Risky.

Graphista · 15/11/2019 21:08

Nrtft but read ops posts.

Op how did you go from living together to not? Did he move away?

I was also taught by my parents to always have the means to get home whether from a night out or a holiday and I've passed on same to Dd

He has treated you appallingly throughout the week, get home tomorrow and dump his sorry arse!

CandlesAreHere · 15/11/2019 21:36

Op, it sounds like the relationship has run its course.
Get yourself home tomorrow and dump the contemptuous knob.

KatherineJaneway · 15/11/2019 21:39

I just want to add it is spontaneous work drinks at the pub if that makes any difference.

Then he could have stayed for one and made his excuses.

He is back and apparently I am the one in the wrong for being upset as these were work drinks with high up people in the company and he needs to network. He has stormed off to bed.

Rubbish. That's the excuse he's been thinking up all evening. If this had really been the case he would have told you from the start.

Safe journey home tomorrow.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/11/2019 21:45

Honeyroar, lucky escape then combined with your determination to do something about it and prior work experience. Really glad it worked out for you. Star

That's what I want my children to do, have their wits about them.

BarbaraFromOopNorth · 15/11/2019 22:18

@marvellousnightforamooncup Grin

VaggieMight · 15/11/2019 23:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Tillygetsit · 16/11/2019 00:14

Bloody hell! I'd plate his dinner up, leave it on the table to go cold and go home. Rude man.

ellaandthebella · 16/11/2019 02:37

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I do not think I been blase or dismissive of posters responses. I have took on board everything everyone has said. Unfortunately I am not in the position currently where I have £100 to spare and anything that I want/need to do takes a lot of savings and planning. I am really sorry to hear about your awful situation in the past Flowers Flowers That must have been truly terrible. Luckily in my current situation I am not vulnerable at all. Upset and annoyed and wishing to be elsewhere, yes, but quite safe, so do not worry about that. I hope one day to be as lucky as you to have money to spend as it comes up, but sadly I am now on a tight budget and have to make do.

OP posts:
Derbee · 16/11/2019 02:40

What’s your plan, @ellaandthebella? Is the relationship over?

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