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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or am I being a fool? - boyfriend related

247 replies

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 21:44

I currently live in a different city from my long term boyfriend for a variety of reasons. We have lived together in the past and are currently 3 hours by train away from each other. We still manage to see each other about every 3 weeks for a weekend.

As I had some free time recently we decided I would come and stay him for a week. He still has work during the day and has still done his hobby which he does twice a week whilst I am here, which is totally fine.

Tonight we made a plan to have dinner together just in the house. I use the word plan loosely though. It was just me asking what time he was going to be back and me saying I will make dinner for us and him saying he would be back by 7.30. I asked if he would bring wine. He said yes.

I was messaging him around 7.30 and just happened to ask if he was nearly back. He said no, he was in the pub and was just finishing his pint then would be leaving. Slightly annoyed at this point as that would bring it to 8 and dinner was ready. But I thought I would just heat it up and it would be fine.

8.15 comes. Still not back. Ask when he is coming and says he will be leaving soon. Properly annoyed now, but leave it.

Time passes. 8.45. Still not home. Finally decide I have to tell him I am upset. He basically ignores it and replies with general chat. I ring him. He answers but cannot hear him as it is so loud.

Now it is 9.40 and he is still not home. I am really upset. He is going to come back and say we never had real plans. It is kind of true, but even if we didn't I am still visiting him and he should have come back to see me shouldn't he?

OP posts:
Toucan123 · 15/11/2019 00:06

He really doesn't deserve you, you sound lovely and he's an arsehole.

livefornaps · 15/11/2019 00:07

Bottoms up my love!! Fuck him.

1Morewineplease · 15/11/2019 00:09

I really hope that you’ve already packed and gone home. His reasoning about needing to network is just lying.
He does not deserve you.

ConkerGame · 15/11/2019 00:10

OP I was in a similar situation a few years back. It’s really horrible always waiting on them, isn’t it?

I hate to tell you, but it doesn’t get any better Sad

Leave tomorrow and end it. You can do so much better (I am now engaged to someone who I have to persuade to meet up with his friends without me as he misses me too much!)

Mumtotwo82 · 15/11/2019 00:15

I hope you dump him and leave. Don't let him treat you like that!

Original poster
ellaandthebella · 15/11/2019 00:16

Also for everyone who is asking if I cannot afford a train I genuinely cannot. A train back now or even tomorrow last minute would cost me over £100 and I also already have one booked for Saturday. Money is very tight at the moment.

OP posts:
Mrsmummy90 · 15/11/2019 00:18

He sounds like an absolute wanker

AlunWynsKnee · 15/11/2019 00:23

If it was works drinks with senior managers then it would have been obvious at 7.30. And which managers go out on the lash with staff in a Thursday? (Assuming regular weekday job).

MarianaMoatedGrange · 15/11/2019 00:24

Not long to go now, leave Saturday and NEVER GO BACK. He really, really doesn't deserve you. Tosser.

Waveysnail · 15/11/2019 01:51

I'd find a travel lodge for tomorrow night. You only see each other every 3 weeks. He doesnt value you or your time together and he doesnt see you as a priority

Countryescape · 15/11/2019 02:35

Fuck that for a joke. He’s not that into you. I would have left

nestisflown · 15/11/2019 02:41

If it's a pre booked train ticket then call the train/ booking company and ask to change to an earlier date. I've done that many times for about a £5 admin fee plus any difference in the cost of the new ticket (if it's higher). Normally very easy to shift to an earlier date or time as it makes no difference to them if there is space on the train.

user1471504234 · 15/11/2019 03:42

The ‘spontaneous work drinks’ and the need for ‘networking’ is absolute rubbish as well and deep down you must know it. Any group of workmates making a last-minute plan for drinks would understand if someone had prior plans and couldn’t make it. He knew you were making dinner and still didn’t even care or have the courtesy to let you know.

Unfortunately the way he is behaving is so dismissive that he might not even be that bothered if you end it. I’m sorry OP, it’s harsh but this thread is unanimous (which never happens!), we can all see that you are too good for him.

Look at getting a Megabus home if you really can’t change your train ticket. Or see if a friend can sub you the money until payday. See it as an investment, on the plus side it is the last time you will have to pay to travel to see him. What an utter waste of your week off, sitting around waiting for him Sad Flowers

PapayaCoconut · 15/11/2019 03:59

I understand him not dropping everything just because you're around

Really??? They see each other every three weeks for a weekend!!! If the boyfriend doesn't even prioritise his girlfriend when he sees her that rarely... Well, it sounds like he'd rather be single.

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/11/2019 04:10

You are not kidding!
He should be prioritising his time with you. Not drinks at the pub (which he can do the three weeks you aren't with him!)
I'd give the relationship a serious re-think.

MsDogLady · 15/11/2019 04:22

I wish I could say this hasn’t happened before but it has.

He seems confident that he can treat you with disrespect and you will tolerate it. Walk away. You deserve better than this loser.

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh · 15/11/2019 04:28

This reply has been deleted

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KM99 · 15/11/2019 04:29

He is back and apparently I am the one in the wrong for being upset as these were work drinks with high up people in the company and he needs to network. He has stormed off to bed.

Lies. If that were true he would've told you upfront.

Windygate · 15/11/2019 04:46

Contact train company to see how much a change of train would cost. Check out National Coaches a late morning coach might be doable.
Summon up your self respect and just quietly go home.

Creepster · 15/11/2019 04:55

What a rotten thing for him to do.
If he can't manage common courtesy for a week I think keeping to the weekend every few weeks is as good as it is going to get.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/11/2019 04:57

Go home Saturday and never return

Gooseysgirl · 15/11/2019 06:15

Definitely worth giving the train company a call to see if you can change the ticket. Or check out buses. Worth it to get away from this scumbag as soon as possible

CupoTeap · 15/11/2019 06:27

Totally unacceptable behaviour. All he had to do was text to day gonna be late eat without me.

He chose not too. He's telling you you aren't important enough to prioritise or even try o let you know what his plans are.

SureTry · 15/11/2019 06:30

Raise the bar love or get used to being treated like this. It's your decision no one is forcing you to stay in this kind of relationship and I use the word relationship loosely.

TwistinMyMelon · 15/11/2019 06:31

That's fucking disgraceful, I would have totally lost my shit by now.