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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or am I being a fool? - boyfriend related

247 replies

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 21:44

I currently live in a different city from my long term boyfriend for a variety of reasons. We have lived together in the past and are currently 3 hours by train away from each other. We still manage to see each other about every 3 weeks for a weekend.

As I had some free time recently we decided I would come and stay him for a week. He still has work during the day and has still done his hobby which he does twice a week whilst I am here, which is totally fine.

Tonight we made a plan to have dinner together just in the house. I use the word plan loosely though. It was just me asking what time he was going to be back and me saying I will make dinner for us and him saying he would be back by 7.30. I asked if he would bring wine. He said yes.

I was messaging him around 7.30 and just happened to ask if he was nearly back. He said no, he was in the pub and was just finishing his pint then would be leaving. Slightly annoyed at this point as that would bring it to 8 and dinner was ready. But I thought I would just heat it up and it would be fine.

8.15 comes. Still not back. Ask when he is coming and says he will be leaving soon. Properly annoyed now, but leave it.

Time passes. 8.45. Still not home. Finally decide I have to tell him I am upset. He basically ignores it and replies with general chat. I ring him. He answers but cannot hear him as it is so loud.

Now it is 9.40 and he is still not home. I am really upset. He is going to come back and say we never had real plans. It is kind of true, but even if we didn't I am still visiting him and he should have come back to see me shouldn't he?

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 16/11/2019 12:03

Are you on your way home yet OP?

Lampan · 16/11/2019 13:07

I think @ShinyMe has a good point about not even messaging to end it, but I think in your position I would. Messaging to end it lets you take control and eliminates any chance that he thinks you are attention seeking with your silence.
Normally I’m a huge believer in the power of silence but I think in these circumstances you need to shut it down. Just a short and to the point message to tell him you won’t be coming back. He might not even be that bothered but at least you are showing him that it’s YOUR decision.

FraglesRock · 16/11/2019 13:21

He's really shown you who he is, what he thinks of the relationship and that he's happy for you to spend money getting to his to find this out.

ellaandthebella · 16/11/2019 18:10

Thank you for the support everyone :) I am home now.

OP posts:
HeavyMetalHoneyMonster · 16/11/2019 18:19

Has tha dumped him?

ellaandthebella · 16/11/2019 20:29

@HeavyMetalHoneyMonster Not yet, just haven't spoken at all.

OP posts:
TripleSeptic · 16/11/2019 20:36

Been thinking of you. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life xx

HeavyMetalHoneyMonster · 16/11/2019 20:44

Well I’m glad you’re home anyway.

Stay strong!

Kolo · 16/11/2019 20:44

Good for you. Know your worth.

MzHz · 16/11/2019 21:39

He’s a fucking twat bright boy, he’ll work it out.

Leave him to join the dots.

He doesn’t deserve the effort it’ll take to explain to him just how much of a worthless prick he is.

Save your energy for creating a kick arse dating profile

(((Hug)))

Starlight456 · 16/11/2019 21:44

Glad your home . Hopefully you have some support around you now

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 17/11/2019 00:15

Definitely tell him he’s dumped! What if he labours under the false illusion he did the dumping? No way, dump his ass.

WhenPushComesToShove · 17/11/2019 00:52

So pleased to here you are home safe and sound. @Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah it doesn't matter if he thinks he did the dumping. He's irrelevant and out of OPs life now

fit4more · 17/11/2019 01:07

Well done OP. Hope you can stay strong and not contact him again

Lampan · 17/11/2019 04:35

Glad to hear you’re home OP. Dump him or he will either convince himself he dumped you, or start telling people you ghosted him. Maybe that’s not important though, the main things is you don’t ever have to go through this again.

Lampan · 17/11/2019 04:37

And just out of interest, how has he managed to avoind speaking to you all this time? Did you see him before you left or was he hiding from you? He’s pathetic.

Frownette · 17/11/2019 05:04

@Lampson I wondered that.

The man's a freak. Still, OP is safely home now and can talk to people who actually reciprocate!

Countryescape · 17/11/2019 07:46

Good on your OP. You’ve been strong and not put up with his bullshit. You deserve so much better. Glad you’re home safe xx

ShinyMe · 17/11/2019 07:59

I bet the bloke gets in touch after a bit, as if nothing's happened, all 'lol, have you calmed down yet? When are you coming to see me, or am I still in trouble with you, haha!'

That would be the perfect time to be all matter of fact and almost surprised, in a 'oh, I'm not continuing this relationship after the way you acted, I'm amazed you thought I would. Cheerio.'

You'll be fine OP, you sound very sensible.

Yeahyeahyeahyeeeeah · 17/11/2019 08:11

@WhenPushComesToShove you’re right, I know he’s irrelevant, but I’d just have to have the last word Grin He’d have to know.

candycane222 · 17/11/2019 08:11

Well done OP. What a little toerag he turned out to be! Best of luck and good to see you smiling!

HeavyMetalHoneyMonster · 17/11/2019 14:30

I wouldn’t bother telling him; I would just block him everywhere.

Who gives a shit what he thinks?

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