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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or am I being a fool? - boyfriend related

247 replies

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 21:44

I currently live in a different city from my long term boyfriend for a variety of reasons. We have lived together in the past and are currently 3 hours by train away from each other. We still manage to see each other about every 3 weeks for a weekend.

As I had some free time recently we decided I would come and stay him for a week. He still has work during the day and has still done his hobby which he does twice a week whilst I am here, which is totally fine.

Tonight we made a plan to have dinner together just in the house. I use the word plan loosely though. It was just me asking what time he was going to be back and me saying I will make dinner for us and him saying he would be back by 7.30. I asked if he would bring wine. He said yes.

I was messaging him around 7.30 and just happened to ask if he was nearly back. He said no, he was in the pub and was just finishing his pint then would be leaving. Slightly annoyed at this point as that would bring it to 8 and dinner was ready. But I thought I would just heat it up and it would be fine.

8.15 comes. Still not back. Ask when he is coming and says he will be leaving soon. Properly annoyed now, but leave it.

Time passes. 8.45. Still not home. Finally decide I have to tell him I am upset. He basically ignores it and replies with general chat. I ring him. He answers but cannot hear him as it is so loud.

Now it is 9.40 and he is still not home. I am really upset. He is going to come back and say we never had real plans. It is kind of true, but even if we didn't I am still visiting him and he should have come back to see me shouldn't he?

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 14/11/2019 22:24

Go home. Seriously he is not the one for you. Pack up and leave.

BarbaraFromOopNorth · 14/11/2019 22:24

Go to bed/sleep before he gets home and leave tomorrow. Just leave. Don't explain yourself.

PP who said imagine being stuck at home with a couple of kids as well. How bloody depressing would that be?

At the end of the day, he doesn't deserve you.

bottlenose301 · 14/11/2019 22:25

He's probably drunk. It's poor from him really and I'd be livid too.

AnyFucker · 14/11/2019 22:26

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CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 14/11/2019 22:30

I really hope you are home or on your way there now

Please don’t put up with this

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 22:30

He is back and apparently I am the one in the wrong for being upset as these were work drinks with high up people in the company and he needs to network. He has stormed off to bed.

OP posts:
ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 22:31

On the plus side he did bring the wine.

OP posts:
VaggieMight · 14/11/2019 22:31

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

user1471504234 · 14/11/2019 22:32

I would honestly just leave tonight before he gets back. You have made an effort to travel to see him and planned a nice night in, and then he does this. I’m not one for dramas but he is not treating you with any respect, sadly the bottom line is that he would rather spend the time with his workmates. Leave with your head held high and book into a hotel for the night. Don’t let him wear down your self esteem! In future you will look back and see you did the right thing. Good luck.

VaggieMight · 14/11/2019 22:35

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Drum2018 · 14/11/2019 22:36

Drink the wine, sleep on the couch/spare room and go home tomorrow while he's at work. Just don't bother to tell him you are going though. After that I'd cut him off altogether. He has little, if any, respect for you.

AnyFucker · 14/11/2019 22:37

He is taking the piss out of you

wineandroses1 · 14/11/2019 22:37

Blimey Op just go home. He’s a complete twat who is taking you for granted. Dump now.

TheMidasTouch · 14/11/2019 22:38

I'd be interested to know why 4% of the 162 who've voted so far think you are unreasonable considering I haven't seen any comments to that effect.

CoraPirbright · 14/11/2019 22:40

What utter bullshit! If that was actually the case, someone who cares that their LDR girlfriend was sitting at home waiting would have at least pinged a text message saying “really sorry - need to go to work drinks with senior people. We are in X pub - can you join us? Or how can I make it up to you?” Instead, he has come home and been angry with you??? He is an arse and you deserve better.

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 22:40

Unfortunately I cannot leave tonight - cannot afford a train or a hotel.

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 14/11/2019 22:41

Please don't allow him to disrespect you like this. I know it's easy for us to all say just leave, but honestly, you'll save yourself so much heartache in the long run if you just go now. He doesn't deserve you. There'll be someone out there who will worship the ground you walk on and would never dream to put a "spontaneous drink" ahead of you as a priority. You're too good for him.

AnyFucker · 14/11/2019 22:42

Give over.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/11/2019 22:43

Drink the wine, sleep on the couch/spare room and go home tomorrow while he's at work. Just don't bother to tell him you are going though.

Drum posted what I was thinking. Dump the sorry bastard. This is over.

MiniCooperLover · 14/11/2019 22:43

Fine, sleep on the sofa, go home tomorrow and tell him you have more respect for yourself

Lindy2 · 14/11/2019 22:50

I'm sorry OP but this is not a good relationship. You seem very low on his priorities and that's not right.

You need to move on and find someone who wants to make a bit of effort for you.

EustaciaPieface · 14/11/2019 22:56

Enjoy the wine and go home tomorrow and have a lovely time on your own. Then move on - good luck xx

Derbee · 14/11/2019 22:57

But he didn’t even text to explain about the drinks. Just waited until you texted him at the time he said he’d be home.

He sounds like he’s a pen arsehole. Go home tomorrow, and find someone else.

IWantADifferentName · 14/11/2019 22:59

Spontaneous work drinks were more important than spending time with you, his girlfriend he only sees one weekend in three.

You said that he has done this before so clearly this was not a one off opportunity for networking.

You do not have to let someone treat you like this. Do you really want to be his unimportant, part time girlfriend?

RozHuntleysStump · 14/11/2019 22:59

He’s a massive knob.