Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or am I being a fool? - boyfriend related

247 replies

ellaandthebella · 14/11/2019 21:44

I currently live in a different city from my long term boyfriend for a variety of reasons. We have lived together in the past and are currently 3 hours by train away from each other. We still manage to see each other about every 3 weeks for a weekend.

As I had some free time recently we decided I would come and stay him for a week. He still has work during the day and has still done his hobby which he does twice a week whilst I am here, which is totally fine.

Tonight we made a plan to have dinner together just in the house. I use the word plan loosely though. It was just me asking what time he was going to be back and me saying I will make dinner for us and him saying he would be back by 7.30. I asked if he would bring wine. He said yes.

I was messaging him around 7.30 and just happened to ask if he was nearly back. He said no, he was in the pub and was just finishing his pint then would be leaving. Slightly annoyed at this point as that would bring it to 8 and dinner was ready. But I thought I would just heat it up and it would be fine.

8.15 comes. Still not back. Ask when he is coming and says he will be leaving soon. Properly annoyed now, but leave it.

Time passes. 8.45. Still not home. Finally decide I have to tell him I am upset. He basically ignores it and replies with general chat. I ring him. He answers but cannot hear him as it is so loud.

Now it is 9.40 and he is still not home. I am really upset. He is going to come back and say we never had real plans. It is kind of true, but even if we didn't I am still visiting him and he should have come back to see me shouldn't he?

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 14/11/2019 22:59

HI OP, I just want to echo everyone else - please leave tomorrow morning, do not discuss it with him. He really does not even like you never mind love you.

loseyourself · 14/11/2019 23:00

find someone who deserves you, he is not that bothered and you sound kind and sweet and a real catch that someone else at home on his lonesome tonight, is waiting to meet.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/11/2019 23:01

Leave during the day tomorrow and go home whilst he is at work... then dump him.

justilou1 · 14/11/2019 23:04

Why do I think that you go to see him more than the other way around?
I think next time you are due to visit him, a spontaneous drinks with friends should come up and you should be uncontactable and leave him dangling and waiting for his shag.
Or simply fuck him off now. Honestly, I think he’s telling you something already.

Cherrysoup · 14/11/2019 23:05

If you can’t afford the train, is it because you booked another day? I’d be sodding furious. You’ve come to visit and he just dumped you. Wanker.

bluetue · 14/11/2019 23:09

Men like this will always have an excuse

I had to network
My friend is having problems
I haven't seen them for ages
They wouldn't let me leave

You would think he is being pinned down and having drink poured down his throat

A myriad of reasons, with the common theme being you are less important than whoever they were out drinking with.

IdleBet · 14/11/2019 23:12

I wish I could say this hasn't happened before but it has.

Come on OP, he's even turning it around on you. Get yourself a backbone.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/11/2019 23:14

Face facts OP: he is letting you know how far down his list of priorities you are. He doesn’t really want to spend time with you.

Please access some self respect and dump him.

Why can’t you get an earlier train?

TimeForNewStart · 14/11/2019 23:17

Ok, say the works drinks were really important... then why didn’t he rest you and apologise and let you know? If he had any respect for you at all, that would be the bare minimum.

Gooseysgirl · 14/11/2019 23:22

Jesus Christ what an absolute twat!!! Sorry OP there is no future in this relationship. He is wasting your time. Pack your bags and go tomorrow.

Kiwiinkits · 14/11/2019 23:29

I think the “can’t afford a train ticket” thing is possibly a bit of an excuse OP?

AllyBamma · 14/11/2019 23:32

If this is all you think you’re worth then that’s really sad! Pack your stuff and leave, even if it’s first thing in the morning. No explanation, you owe him nothing

CallmeAngelina · 14/11/2019 23:36

What a load of bollocks.
a) I don't believe he "had to network," but b) if he did, then he shouldn't have told you he'd be back shortly.

Leave tomorrow.

allaboutthequestions · 14/11/2019 23:37

Been together a year now and he still rushes home from work to see me. It's amazing when someone actually wants to spend time with you and puts so much effort in by choice ( have been with plenty who haven't ) definitely move on and find someone who will value and match the effort you make as this situation does not sound remotely ok considering how far you've come and how little you get to see each other

MashedSpud · 14/11/2019 23:38

If you ever move in together expect this several nights a week because if he can’t make time for you when he doesn’t see you much imagine how he’ll be when you’re there everyday.

SandAndSea · 14/11/2019 23:42

I would leave asap tomorrow morning.

He's being incredibly disrespectful.

Why didn't he book the week off to spend time with you?

Why did he still need to go to his hobby, after being at work all day?

You haven't seen him for ages, you're there a week and he's busy all but 3/4 nights??

Just, no.

Goldenchildsmum · 14/11/2019 23:48

Leave tomorrow

Don't tell him. Or discuss tonight with him

Just go

Block his number and don't have any contact with him again

He doesn't respect or care about you

He's a dick

OhHolyNightWaking · 14/11/2019 23:49

LTB FFS

LittlePaintBox · 14/11/2019 23:50

"Are you coming to the pub, ThoughtlessBloke?"

"No, I can't, ellaandthebella is staying and I want to spend time with hwer".

If that's beyond him, he's really too easily led to be in an adult relationship!

LittleMsM · 14/11/2019 23:53

I would get out of this relationship at this point. Regardless of how much you've invested in it, especially if no children involved, which I suspect... You deserve so much better. That's beyond rude.

brittabot · 14/11/2019 23:57

You sound very lovely and considerate and he doesn’t appreciate you.
Would you slack off a meal cooked by him for work/hobby drinks? If no then you’re in a relationship that sounds very one sided. Sounds like you can do better than him.

WhenPushComesToShove · 14/11/2019 23:59

No one would ever get a second (or in your case at least third) chance to treat me like this. Where is your self respect. I'd just leave and block. No explanation; why waste your breath on this moron

ymf117 · 14/11/2019 23:59

He could have made his excuses, it's clear he doesn't feel that you fit in with his life.

HerrenaHarridan · 15/11/2019 00:04

Please tell us this will be the last time?

ellaandthebella · 15/11/2019 00:05

Sorry for not replying for a while. Just sitting watching a film drinking a whole bottle of wine.

OP posts: