To buy most of my families clothes secondhand

[Rowrowboat]

I am very thrifty when it comes to clothing as I feel it’s obviously better for the environment and you can usually get much better quality clothes for much cheaper. It’s always been the way I’ve shopped and I’ve never really thought much of it. I’m by no means poor but I’d rather have the money in the bank or spend it on something else.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had several negative comments about this. Firstly when I mentioned I’d brought 5 babygrows for £1 from a local charity shop for my youngest about how yucky it was that other babies would have worn them any maybe got poo in them!

Secondly when I was complimented on my secondhand but hardly used DMs, the person said they didn’t know how I could wear shoes that have been on other people’s smelly feet. And just now, my colleague saying they’d spent £100 on a Christmas Day outfit for their toddler granddaughter. When I said I couldn’t bring myself to spend that kind of money on clothes and that mine would be wearing her sisters hand me down, didn’t I want to buy something new for her instead of putting her in all of her older sisters clothes, which were probably secondhand when I brought them anyway? It felt like a real dig at me and that it was obviously something my colleagues had discussed previously.

I’d like to point out that me and my family are always well turned out and clean and it got me thinking, do people genuinely look down on people who buy second hand? And why do so many people think that just because somethings been worn or used by someone else, it’s in some way gross!?

Yes, I think people do genuinely look down on secondhand clothes.

But I don't think you should care.

I also think it's not something you need to discuss with loads of other people because they will judge and gossip because they are dull or stupid and spend £100 on an outfit for a toddler.

I think some people do look down on those who buy second hand. The irony is that there’s a good chance others tried on their brand new clothes or even wore them out, before returning them to the shop to be sold as new!

I also buy second hand. Better for the environment and better for the budget.

Incidentally, most of those who look down on me for this are either struggling with debt, or very‘new money’. I think you (and I) are just being jolly sensible!

I think it links to that person's own upbringing and class.

If you grew up with very little, maybe were mocked at school for not having clean/fashionable/new clothes, or resented always having a sibling's hand-me-downs then you may develop a complex when it comes to your own kids, and insist everything is new.

If you don't have much money, then being forced to buy second hand may feel shameful. If you could afford it, but don't, for reasons of environment/pragmatism etc, then you probably feel quite proud to buy second hand, but you've got a choice. I suspect that's quite a different feeling, psychologically.

I love finding charity shop bargains. I've also bought the majority of my childrens clothes from either charity shops or Facebook selling sites.
I just think in this day and age it's important to reduce and reuse when possible.

I don't buy shoes second hand as they mould to your feet so they can cause issues for children. However we all wear almost exclusively second hand in our house for financial and environmental reasons

I think you’re amazing, I have 4 boys and my youngest (8) wears stuff my 18 year old once wore it was kept nice and looks fine, sometimes he’ll say to his brother I recognise that top but it looks better on you.

They wore the same baby gros Etc and perhaps some did have poo in but were washed and no stains etc. I should have a look in charity shops actually for some things for them as they need some new tops.
If you don’t mind about what they wear and where it comes from continue on, your kids sound well dressed and I bet you save loads of money which is a good thing as well as reusing things instead of buying new each time which is expensive. People always have something to say but ignore them, and think of the money you’re saving etc

I had third me downs growing up. Nothing wrong with that.

I also hand down my clothes to my nieces now. Nothing wrong with that.

I shop in charity shops as well. Nothing wrong with that.

It is better for the environment and for your pocket ! Screw what other people think, just keep it to yourself from now on. If people want to waste £100 on an outfit their kid will wear once then let them and offer then £5 for it after haha !
I personally don't see anything wrong with it and think you have a very level head on your shoulders.

other babies would have worn them any maybe got poo in them! Maybe !

I buy a mix of second hand and new depending on whether I think it will last through two boys who can be a bit rough on their clothes and also sell on or give away afterwards. The items thay have actually made money rather than just recouped a bit of the initial cost were cloth nappies. I bought them second hand but still in unopened packaging and sold after using full time on both sons, one of whom could have pooed for England if it was a competitive sport!

I love finding secondhand bargains for me and my children. I like to buy better brands but don't have the budget and also like the environmental aspect. My DMs are
secondhand too!

YANBU at all, we are the same. There is no way on earth anyone would be able to tell, we have lovely stuff and great brands that we would never be able to afford new and like you always look well turned out. There's no need to say anything if you think people will be judgemental.

We live in a fairly affluent area of London, loads of people we know buy second hand and pass things between families, and it's not frowned upon at all - as you say, it's better for the environment and we have more money to spend on other things. I don't get the mentality of looking down on second hand, it's not like it hasn't been washed properly.

I don’t know anyone who judges people for buying second hand as nearly everyone I know does to some extent
I’m more likely to judge someone for wasting money or buying stuff so cheaply made it either falls apart quickly or washes badly

Obviously, objectively theres nothing wrong with second hand. If its clean and warm and smart then its doing everything you need form it.

However, stigma isn't objective.

You are "by no means poor". Perhaps you've never had to buy secound hand. I'm guessing if you had no choice but to do so you would be well aware of the stigma before now.

Thats where your friends are, right now. Close enough to poverty to want to avoid the association. Buying new makes them feel respectable. They probably find it odd that someone with money would deliberately deny themselves something that may be a point of pride to them.

Neither side is right or wrong in this. You just have some cultural differences.

Why do you need to tell people where you buy your stuff?? Especially when you’ve had bad responses before. Just don’t tell them.

I'm pregnant now + when I find out the gender I'll be buying a mixture of secondhand clothes and a few new ones (mainly because there's outfits new from a website I can't find anywhere else). Absolutely nothing wrong with it!

I buy 2nd hand everything where I can, apart from mattresses & underwear! I'd rather that than constantly buying cheap tat

My DD doesn’t shop in charity shops but is happy to wear stuff if I find her anything suitable
Recent finds include a pure wool charcoal grey duffel coat for £4 and a genuine mulberry cross body bag for £2.99

Yanbu. I do the same.

I agree with @Pollaidh to some extend but there are still subtle differences.

For example my own mother would have been horrified that I dress my daughter in a handful of items that come from a charity shop there as she would have no problem with hand me downs from friends' child even thought the charity shop items are all designer brands.

This because she equated using charity shops for clothes/buying second hand clothes with poverty, but being handed clothes that another child you know has grown out of as not being wasteful.

Unless I'm after something fancy I'm finding that more often it's cheaper to by new, and even cheap things are grown out of before they wear out. I always look in charity shops and wouldn't judge, but I don't remember the last time i actually bought something.

I was going to make the point about growing up having to have second hand versus being able to chose to, but I was beaten to it.

I grew up in a family where second hand and hand me downs were seen as a sensible choice, and I have kept that going. No one was/has ever had to wear visibly wrong size or worn out clothes and if something new is needed the money is there for it. If I’d had no opinion but to wear second hand, and those clothes had been ill fitting and I’d been bullied for being poor I’d probably feel very differently.

Second hand quality clothes are lovely. My DS' Asda £4 tracksuit bottoms don't look too good after wearing all season. I keep what is ok for DC 2 but I wouldn't get anything from selling those on. I put in the recycling of stained or no good.

Very good second hand market for baby and kids here. Bundles mainly for £10 which is brilliant value, older kids stuff gets more wear, but still see bundles getting snapped up quickly on Facebook selling pages .

I don't buy my kids clothes second hand as they have their own styles and those clothes are cheapish anyway. Me however I absolutely love second hand shopping last week I bought a brand new stunning reiss dress for £4 and a brand new uniqlo dress for £2. Other recent bargain have been a new reiss cashmere coat for £20 and some brand new John Lewis this season trousers for £3. They had a price label of £49 on them. I will only buy good quality brands and new stuff there is lots of this in shops near me. Some are better than others in some nears me they try and sell threadbare primark tshirts for a fiver.

I’m by no means poor but I’d rather have the money in the bank or spend it on something else.

Hmm ... Well I daresay there’s no actual shortage of charity shop clothing - but I would be inclined to judge someone who simultaneously boasted of being able to afford new clothes and buying, cheaply, second hand clothes that might be more needed by parents with considerably less money to clothe their children.

It's a class thing.

We live in a nice middle class area with nice middle class parents who have professional jobs and nice middle class incomes. There's a roaring trade in hand me downs, everyone handing bags of clothes onto each other at the school gate. Don't think I ever bought a new party dress for DD when she was younger as have lots of friends with girls a couple of years older. Most of my own dresses/coats are from Oxfam. I really dislike the "fast fashion" attitude of wear it once and then discard.

On the other hand, SIL is much less well off. Not impoverished by any stretch of the imagination but there isn't a lot of cash sloshing around after the bills are covered. She has to be careful about how she spends. She would not be seen DEAD in anything second hand, and would never, ever accept handmedowns. She's not a charity case, how dare anyone assume she can't afford to buy new, only the "povs" wear second hand, what would people think, urgh no it's disgusting.

I wore almost exclusively second hand clothes when I was a child, and yes, other kids made comments. But I understood that that was what my parents could afford.

I continue to buy secondhand for my daughter. She’s 18 months old, so it’s not as if she would even notice. I much prefer to reuse things - and good brands of children’s clothes have far more life in them than the short time they fit one child.