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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To buy most of my families clothes secondhand

168 replies

Rowrowboat · 14/11/2019 12:28

I am very thrifty when it comes to clothing as I feel it’s obviously better for the environment and you can usually get much better quality clothes for much cheaper. It’s always been the way I’ve shopped and I’ve never really thought much of it. I’m by no means poor but I’d rather have the money in the bank or spend it on something else.

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had several negative comments about this. Firstly when I mentioned I’d brought 5 babygrows for £1 from a local charity shop for my youngest about how yucky it was that other babies would have worn them any maybe got poo in them!

Secondly when I was complimented on my secondhand but hardly used DMs, the person said they didn’t know how I could wear shoes that have been on other people’s smelly feet. And just now, my colleague saying they’d spent £100 on a Christmas Day outfit for their toddler granddaughter. When I said I couldn’t bring myself to spend that kind of money on clothes and that mine would be wearing her sisters hand me down, didn’t I want to buy something new for her instead of putting her in all of her older sisters clothes, which were probably secondhand when I brought them anyway? It felt like a real dig at me and that it was obviously something my colleagues had discussed previously.

I’d like to point out that me and my family are always well turned out and clean and it got me thinking, do people genuinely look down on people who buy second hand? And why do so many people think that just because somethings been worn or used by someone else, it’s in some way gross!?

OP posts:
ConfusedAndStressed95 · 14/11/2019 14:36

I try to buy secondhand when I can but I can't often find my sizes. I'm a little iffy about shoes but as long as they're good quality and in good condition I don't mind. Ignore the idiots who judge.

Dilkhush · 14/11/2019 14:36

pixiedustt
I do get your point about not wanting to put your DS in second hand clothes. Lots of people think things like this but then sleep on second hand sheets in hotels without even thinking about it. Similarly, every time you go to a cafe or restaurant you are using second hand cutlery and crockery. Nobody thinks twice about that but then turn their noses up about undamaged china mugs from a charity shop. It's very illogical.
(This is not a criticism of you, by the way. For all I know you may have a child with exczema which, for instance, would be a totally rational reason to not go second hand).

MummyJasmin · 14/11/2019 14:37

I've never worn second hand clothing (btw my family have struggled growing up financially due to father's gambling habits.)

I'd never judge someone who wore second hand clothes btw.

Regarding people who are judgy, or anyone for that matter, don't feel you are obliged to tell them where your clothes are from.

Cineraria · 14/11/2019 14:38

@Househunt1. I don't find it so. At birth, the first four textile items DS2 came into contact with had almost certainly been pooed on by other mums and babies (hospital sheet, towel, midwife uniform and my gown), so I can't see it as a problem if the next thing he encountered was a stripped and washed (and I'll admit to ironing it Blush) cloth nappy that his brother, or even another baby, had previously used.

BeatriceTheBeast · 14/11/2019 14:40

@cinereria

Halloween Grin at you ironing it. I ironed dc1's babygros.
All of them Halloween Blush.

DingDongDenny · 14/11/2019 14:42

I nearly always buy second hand because it's much better value and less wasteful

You can buy a second hand cashmere cardigan for less than a cardigan from Primark. The first lasts for years, the second falls apart after about 3 washes

JacksonPillock · 14/11/2019 14:44

Basically, the people looking down on you for this are idiots, OP. That's about all there is to it.

I never buy new clothes. Total waste of money IMO.

Lunafortheloveogod · 14/11/2019 14:44

Ah yes someone else’s baby might’ve poo’ed in it.. mine probably will too so I’m not tempted to buy a £30 outfit incase I can’t get the big shit stain out.

We have a clothes swap circle among friends too, we’re all similar sizes and if we don’t like something/wrong size etc we swap it around. Sometimes stuff goes to the charity shop once we’ve vetoed it but it saves a fortune on clothes.

Lovemenorca · 14/11/2019 14:45

How often are you talking about your children’s clothing or commenting on others?!

JacksonPillock · 14/11/2019 14:46

I don't know anyone who hasn't shared some clothes from older siblings/cousins/friends kids, etc. but most seem to think it's only ok if you KNOW the person.

Lovemenorca · 14/11/2019 14:46

And in your post I suspect this woman was talking happily about the £100 outfit she was happy to have brought and then you come in about how you could never spend that amount etc etc
Just butt out

WMPAGL · 14/11/2019 14:47

Your colleague wouldn't like me, OP - my standard response whenever anyone compliments something I'm wearing is to gleefully tell them I find it for peanuts on eBay or similar!

Almost every item of clothing my baby has is second hand in one way or another - babies wear their clothes for 5 minutes before growing out of them!

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/11/2019 14:52

Depends on what the second hand item is. I am willing to buy good quality second hand items from the best brands (have bought several what look like unused John Lewis and Mamas and Papas blankets) but I’m not fixed to the idea. If I see something new that I want to buy instead then I will.

I think the judgement OP is getting is because of her judging people who buy new first. There is nothing wrong with wanting to buy new things for your child, in the same way as there’s nothing wrong with buying second hand. What is wrong is when you get so fixated with one or the other ideas that you can’t bear to be flexible.

Rowrowboat · 14/11/2019 14:57

@lovemenorca.
I answered your first question earlier on and I really doubt she gave a shit if I thought her granddaughters outfit was excessive. She doesn’t approve of my ways, I don’t approve of hers.

Jeez, people seriously come on here for an argument don’t they!

OP posts:
Cineraria · 14/11/2019 14:57

@BeatriceTheBeast, I know! You'd have thought I'd have learnt by DC2.

Lovemenorca · 14/11/2019 14:59

* I think the judgement OP is getting is because of her judging people who buy new first.*

^this^

PartridgeJoan · 14/11/2019 15:00

I think it's great. Especially with baby clothes, they are barely worn! Most of our stuff is second hand, including shoes. Nobody has ever made a negative comment about it thankfully.

Rowrowboat · 14/11/2019 15:02

FFS! I don’t judge people who buy new first. Of course people can buy new stuff.

I judge people who look down on those who buy stuff secondhand!

OP posts:
Rowrowboat · 14/11/2019 15:04

If people didn’t buy new first, where would I get my secondhand stuff from 😂

OP posts:
Lovemenorca · 14/11/2019 15:04

* When I said I couldn’t bring myself to spend that kind of money on clothes and that mine would be wearing her sisters hand me down,*

You honestly don’t see that that comment “I couldn’t bring myself...”
Is ever so slightly... judgey?!

Rowrowboat · 14/11/2019 15:08

£100 on a toddler outfit for Xmas day is ridiculous imho. Judge away. And I didn’t say it like a monologue, it was a conversation over several minutes which the person in question is probably less invested in now than you are!

OP posts:
SalrycLuxx · 14/11/2019 15:08

OP - you’d be able Do you feel if your shoes had already mould to someone else’s feet, because there would be significant indents Where their toes and the ball of the foot would have been. It takes a while of wearing shoes to start getting them to mould to your feet, or a very long period of single wear, so if you’re lucky enough to find shoes that somebody didn’t actually particularly wear, there is no reason not to buy them.

SalrycLuxx · 14/11/2019 15:08

I dress my kids in second hand unless I have no other choice.

The8thMonth · 14/11/2019 15:13

I love a good thrifting session. It's a hobby I enjoy.

OverthinkingThis · 14/11/2019 15:18

Most of DCs clothes are second hand, they either get trashed at nursery or grown out of after 5 minutes so it seems pointless to buy all new even though we are fortunate to be able to afford to if we wanted. I wouldn't tend to mention it though as I have definitely come across people who are funny about second hand clothes.

In terms of clothes for myself, I'd buy more second hand if had the time/energy to hunt down the really good stuff, but round my way the womens clothes and shoes in charity shops tend to be generally low quality or poor condition. I've had the odd bargain off ebay though.