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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Angry at husband waking me up

163 replies

Jadefeather7 · 14/11/2019 08:33

I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or if I’m right to feel really angry. I feel totally exhausted these days and the nausea has started to set in especially in the evenings.

The night before last my husband woke up at 5am and went downstairs to get a drink. I mentioned that this had woken me up and that I couldn’t sleep after but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Last night I went to bed at 11pm. My husband ordered a pizza at 1am and slammed the door which was loud enough to wake me. When I wake up in a panic I’m not able to go to sleep after for hours. He knows this because it’s happened two or three times before. I was also feeling really sick ( mine is worse at night) so that made getting back to sleep harder.

He was sleeping in another room as he had been up late. I went in and had to shake him to wake him up. He’s a very heavy sleeper and can fall asleep within minutes whenever he wants. I told him he would need to deal with the baby in the morning but because he’s a heavy sleeper and often misses the baby crying and his alarm I had a feeling he wouldn’t do it. I finally went to sleep at 6.30am only to wake up every 15-20 mins worried that I had missed my baby crying. At 7.45 I went to wake the baby up (45 minutes after his usual wake up time) . He must have heard me and then started trying to get involved.

I feel really annoyed as I think he’s being really inconsiderate and not thinking about the fact that I need to rest right now. I also think he should have offered himself to look after the baby this morning. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
virginpinkmartini · 14/11/2019 08:45

Regarding the baby, it depends on whether or not he has a load of responsibilities, like work etc, and looking after the baby would have been part of his fair share.
I understand your need for rest, and it's definitely worth speaking to him about being considerate re slamming doors at 1am... But at the end of the day you are pregnant, not disabled. Unless you have medical issues alongside your pregnancy you can't expect the world to stop turning.

virginpinkmartini · 14/11/2019 08:49

This is a communication issue. If you've already told him to stop banging about at unreasonable hours, and he's just ignoring that, then you need to have a proper talk. Also, perhaps going to bed at 11pm is not the best idea if you're struggling to get your child up/ having sleep issues anyway.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 14/11/2019 08:54

He works from home and starts work at 10am usually.

I really dont think my bedtime is an issue. I usually go to sleep between 10-11pm and wake up at 7am when the baby wakes up. 8/9 hours of sleep is what I need. It’s when he disturbs me that there are issues.

OP posts:
Snowflake9 · 14/11/2019 09:03

YABU.

I doubt he slammed the door on purpose.

He slept in another room to try and give you the best opportunity of sleep. Why did you go and wake him? Just to tell him to look after the baby in the morning? Which you did anyway.

You seem to expect him to read your mind and you seem a bit hypocritical, he can't wake you but you are allowed to shake him awake?

Make the most of this time before your new baby gets here and you have zero sleep...

Letseatgrandma · 14/11/2019 09:06

He was sleeping in another room as he had been up late. I went in and had to shake him to wake him up.

At 7.45 I went to wake the baby up

Why are you waking people up?

Singlenotsingle · 14/11/2019 09:07

Why did you go and wake the baby up? Let sleeping dogs and babies lie. You could have used that time to get more shut eye.

Waveysnail · 14/11/2019 09:08

Why not let everyone sleep if they are asleep Hmm

Biancadelrioisback · 14/11/2019 09:08

Sorry if I'm being thick, but what time did you go through to wake him up to tell him he has to get up early in the morning for the baby?
So the night before he accidentally woke you up at 5 when we went to get a drink, then last night he woke you up when he shut the door at 1am, then I assume he ate the pizza, went to bed, fell asleep, and you went to wake him up to tell him he has to get up in a couple of hours?
This just seems odd... Unless I'm misunderstanding of course!

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 14/11/2019 09:09

I didn’t say he did say he did it on purpose but I do feel that it is very inconsiderate to not think there are people sleeping so maybe the door should be shut as quietly as possible.

I woke him because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep again for another 5-6 hours by which time it would be time to wake up again. I know he can fall asleep within minutes of being woken up which is exactly what happened. I didn’t realise I wouldn’t be able to sleep properly in the morning because of the worry. If I had known that I guess I wouldn’t have bothered to ask him.

Rather than mind reading, I see it as thinking about how you can fix a problem that you have caused.

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 14/11/2019 09:09

Also, unless you had to go somewhere, why did you go and wake the baby?

Waveysnail · 14/11/2019 09:09

He hasn't done anything wrong. People need drinks, door wasnt slammed on purpose and hes not a mind reader.

Biancadelrioisback · 14/11/2019 09:10

Even with your update I still dont understand...

Missmonkeypenny · 14/11/2019 09:11

In the nicest way, YABU and definitely hormonal Smile

DH works shifts (paramedic) so comes in at all hours which wakes me up (32 weeks pregnant) but he isn’t doing it to be annoying or offend me, it’s just how it is and really isn’t worth getting wound up over.

The man is already sleeping in a separate room not to disturb you - unless you have underlying issues other than being pregnant then I think you need to cut him some slack.

Notwiththeseknees · 14/11/2019 09:12

Why not let them both sleep and have some time to yourself? Confused

Biancadelrioisback · 14/11/2019 09:12

Also, if he heard you waking the baby up at 7:45 then surely he would have heard the baby wake up whenever that was and you call could have got more rest?

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 14/11/2019 09:13

So just because you haven’t done something with the intention of upsetting someone it’s totally fine to not think about the effect your actions have?

OP posts:
fedup21 · 14/11/2019 09:14

I woke him because I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep again for another 5-6 hours by which time it would be time to wake up again.

That still makes no sense. Why did you wake the baby?

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 14/11/2019 09:14

The baby is on a routine and when he’s been left to sleep longer in the morning it’s messed up the whole routine and he’s very unsettled and difficult to deal with.

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 14/11/2019 09:15

How would he know the effect though? Unless you went down stairs to tell him he woke you up and then told him the baby was his responsibility in the morning... but from the sounds of it, you waited until he was in bed and fell asleep before shaking him awake to have a whinge

Oakmaiden · 14/11/2019 09:16

So you went to bed at 11, were briefly disturbed at 1, decided to get up at a later unspecified time and wake your husband to tell him something, and then at 7:45 got up to wake your sleeping household. It sounds to me like your husband has not been at all unreasonable in his actions, but on the surface of it, you have.

That said - you had a very disturbed nights sleep , although it wasn't anyone's fault. So I can understand the exhausted irrational rage, and who else can you pin it on other than your dh? It really doesn't sound like he did anything wrong, though.

Do you often have trouble sleeping? Or is it a pregnancy thing?

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 14/11/2019 09:17

Oh the tiredness in early pregnancy though! All by itself, without sickness and broken sleep is hard enough.

Or at least it was for me!

You have tiredness and broken sleep ontop of that. I feel for you.

YANBU about the door slamming and ignore the "I'm sure he didn't mean it" BS. It's considerate of others to close a door quietly at 1am. You switch your brain on and don't do it. It's infantile for anyone to say to you he didn't do it on purpose. He also didn't take into consideration of people's sleep accidentally Hmm

The rest, YABU but it's hardly a surprise given everything.
I hope it improves soon.

IdblowJonSnow · 14/11/2019 09:23

Why was he ordering a pizza at 1am and slamming the door?
Yanbu.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 14/11/2019 09:25

I called him after 1 to check it was him (I’ve had intruders before and often spend weeks alone at home so I get really panicked when I hear sounds at night). He told me he would be going to bed in another hour. After that I tried to sleep but couldn’t. If I can’t sleep within an hour that means I won’t sleep until the morning. So I thought he must be finishing up now so I’ll ask him. Seeing him fast asleep whilst I was struggling so much made me really angry. Maybe I should be able to control that feeling. I just couldn’t at that point.

I’m struggling a lot with exhaustion and nausea. Sometimes I find it so hard to get out of bed. I’ve been pregnant before and it was never this bad. I just felt like I couldn’t take adding lack of sleep to all of that.

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 14/11/2019 09:27

Did he apologise for waking you up when you called him? I'm still a bit confused at the time line though

Vulpine · 14/11/2019 09:29

I'd be pretty pissed off if my dh was ordering pizza at 1am

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