Angry at husband waking me up

[Jadefeather7]

I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or if I’m right to feel really angry. I feel totally exhausted these days and the nausea has started to set in especially in the evenings.

The night before last my husband woke up at 5am and went downstairs to get a drink. I mentioned that this had woken me up and that I couldn’t sleep after but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Last night I went to bed at 11pm. My husband ordered a pizza at 1am and slammed the door which was loud enough to wake me. When I wake up in a panic I’m not able to go to sleep after for hours. He knows this because it’s happened two or three times before. I was also feeling really sick ( mine is worse at night) so that made getting back to sleep harder.

He was sleeping in another room as he had been up late. I went in and had to shake him to wake him up. He’s a very heavy sleeper and can fall asleep within minutes whenever he wants. I told him he would need to deal with the baby in the morning but because he’s a heavy sleeper and often misses the baby crying and his alarm I had a feeling he wouldn’t do it. I finally went to sleep at 6.30am only to wake up every 15-20 mins worried that I had missed my baby crying. At 7.45 I went to wake the baby up (45 minutes after his usual wake up time) . He must have heard me and then started trying to get involved.

I feel really annoyed as I think he’s being really inconsiderate and not thinking about the fact that I need to rest right now. I also think he should have offered himself to look after the baby this morning. Am I being unreasonable?

You saw him sleeping and got angry? I'd say you are definitely hormonal and probably being a bit unreasonable.

You need to get to bed earlier. 10pm when you know you’ll be waking up at night is far too late. I am 37 weeks pregnant and always wake up regularly to use the toilet - so I sleep at 9 to allow me enough sleep overall.

I agree with pp - you shouldn’t wake the baby. Before school you need a routine that works with the baby’s natural sleep patterns. Otherwise you are just shoring up sleep problems for the future.

I'm sure you're not normally this unreasonable, maybe it's lack of sleep, exhaustion etc.

Of course you should be able to sleep, but he should also be able to live as he needs, I'm sure he didn't slam the door on purpose.

A little bit of empathy for each other would go a long way.

YABU! Sorry!

The door slamming would annoy me but it was probably an accident so I wouldn't dwell on it 🤷🏼‍♀️

There was no need to wake your DH up, seems like you did that out of spite and there was certainly no need to wake up your sleeping baby!

I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or if I’m right to feel really angry

You can't use pregnancy as a excuse to be angry

I feel totally exhausted these days and the nausea has started to set in especially in the evenings

Rest during the day when there is no nausea and it will be more comfortable to sleep without the about to throw up feeling

The night before last my husband woke up at 5am and went downstairs to get a drink

Perfectly normal, if I wake up during the night I go and get a drink as my mouth gets dry when I sleep and I can't get back to sleep with a dry mouth and thirst

I mentioned that this had woken me up and that I couldn’t sleep after but didn’t make a big deal out of it

You kind of are making a huge deal about it if a few days after it happened it's still stewing in your mind enough of make you post about it on an internet forum

Last night I went to bed at 11pm

Ok

My husband ordered a pizza at 1am and slammed the door which was loud enough to wake me

I doubt he slammed it deliberately...because if he did the pizza delivery guy/girl would have been stood on the other side of the door like what the fuck is he slamming a door in my face for no reason when I just delivered his pizza...

When I wake up in a panic I’m not able to go to sleep after for hours

Why is a door closing causing you to wake up in a panic, have you been through abuse, a robbery, something traumatic?...because if you have then you might need to seek counselling to work through your issues

He knows this because it’s happened two or three times before

I mean this in the kindest way but your husband can't be held responsible if you wake up in a panic if all he has done is close a door,

I was also feeling really sick ( mine is worse at night) so that made getting back to sleep harder

Ginger biscuits and ginger tea are good for removing nausea...I've heard crackers are too

He was sleeping in another room as he had been up late

You have a very considerate husband who is doing his best by the sounds of it

I went in and had to shake him to wake him up

Oh my God why would you wake him up if he is asleep just because you are awake

He’s a very heavy sleeper and can fall asleep within minutes whenever he wants

That doesn't mean he is less entitled to his sleep

I told him he would need to deal with the baby in the morning but because he’s a heavy sleeper and often misses the baby crying and his alarm I had a feeling he wouldn’t do it

First of all couldn't you tell him that BEFORE you went to bed? has he ever missed his alarm? Does he neglect looking after the baby?

I finally went to sleep at 6.30am only to wake up every 15-20 mins worried that I had missed my baby crying. At 7.45 I went to wake the baby up (45 minutes after his usual wake up time

The issue isn't your husband, it isn't pregnancy related..it's with you and your mind...that is what has kept you awake, you stayed awake to almost prove to yourself that he wouldn't get up with the baby...then you went in and woke the baby up...why would you even do that, why not let the baby get it's rest and wake up naturally?

He must have heard me and then started trying to get involved

But you said he sleeps through alarms so how would he have heard you rooms away if he cant hear an alarm next to him....what probably happened is he set his alarm knowing you asked him to get up with the baby, the alarm woke him, he got up to care for the baby and there you are already doing it and not letting him do it (that would piss me off if I was your husband, especially as you woke him especially to remind him, and then when he gets up you won't even let him do it)

I feel really annoyed as I think he’s being really inconsiderate and not thinking about the fact that I need to rest right now

No love, reread your post, you are pregnant, not an invalid, you are coming across as the inconsiderate one, your husband has moved rooms to let you rest, he has got up with the baby like you asked even though you wouldn't let him get involved...meanwhile you are waking him up, waking baby up, staying awake half the night, blaming him and bitching about him on a public forum...if you need sleep, then sleep

I also think he should have offered himself to look after the baby this morning
He woke up to do it and you are bitching on here that he was trying to get involved...the poor man can't win with you,

Am I being unreasonable

You definitely are being very unreasonable, your husband deserves a medal

Yabu.

In the nicest way, the world doesnt revolvle around you. He isnt going to be constantly thinking "will this wake up/upset/annoy Jadefeather?" and walking on eggshells.

You were also unreasonable to wake him up to tell him he would need to get up with the baby, it could have waited until the morning and would have been more effective. And i get its annoying waking up loads worrying about baby waking up but thars really not anyones fault.

I don’t wake up at night to pee or for any other reason. I wake up if my husband makes a racket! Otherwise I get 8/9 hours of continuous sleep. I can’t sleep more than that. I’ve been to bed at 9 and I end up waking up at 4am which is not great. 10/11pm to 7am is good for me. The issue is not my bed time.

I know my baby better than you and I know that he needs to stick to his routine in order to have a good day. His natural sleep pattern is 7-7 but occasionally he will oversleep and then i have a hellish day with him. If I could get a lie in without problems of course I would!

Your dh is being an inconsiderate arsehole. Of course your rest should come first. Why the feck is he marauding around the house in the middle of the night getting takeaways .

I can accept that I maybe over reacted by waking him but I’m surprised that people think you don’t need to have any consideration at all for someone who needs rest.

Not sure why everyone is picking apart your post so forensically!

You were probably a bit unreasonable to go and wake him, but I get the annoyance.

And if you know your pregnant wife is upstairs and wakes up easily, wouldn’t you quietly shut doors and be aware of it? If he slams them then he’s not thinking about that, is he..so yes he is inconsiderate. Is he generally considerate, or would he just have forgotten? Though I think I would be quietly closing doors etc at that time anyway!

Yet another post on AIBU by someone that has already decided they are not being unreasonable on any count. 🙄 Why bother posting? Haven't you got the tools to deal with this interpersonal issue with your husband?

Not sure why everyone is picking apart your post so forensically!

Because that's what They do. I think They think it's what's supposed to happen.
Sad isn't it.

But you woke your DH up last night. In fact, you shook him awake. That's such a horrible way to wake up. You say your house has been broken into before and it's not nice for you to wake up in a panic, but he must feel the same way! You're pregnant, you have a small child, and you are roughly shaking him awake at 2/3 in the morning. That would have me at absolute panic stations and id be furious if my DH did that to me just to tell me I had to get up in 4 hours with the baby.

I get that it's shit to not have a good, restful night's sleep, but don't take it out on him.

@virginpinkmartini aren't you a poppet?

It sounds like your husband is doing the best he can, sleeping in another room. You are tired and unreasonable. Genuinely, can you wear ear plugs?

You cannot expect your husband to keep the same schedule as you - being in different rooms is very reasonable.

Felix because it's more difficult to give advice if you don't understand the OP or if you can't follow what happened. That's generally why people ask questions, so they can understand better...

You don’t get 8 hours of continual sleep. That’s not how it works. You sleep in cycles and every so often, you and everyone else, can easily be provoked into waking up. Any health condition will make it more likely.

It’s just a thing. Learn how to fall asleep again instead of getting angry and running around waking other people up.

I'd be pretty pissed off if my dh was ordering pizza at 1am

why?
As long as he doesn't expect you to eat it, he's an adult.

@FelixFelicis6 Exactly. I would say he’s generally a considerate person but when it comes to my difficulties with falling asleep after being woken he’s never really been considerate. I’ve tried telling him how difficult it is. Like I said he can fall asleep within minutes whenever and wherever he wants. I don’t think he understands what it’s like to lose sleep and obviously doesn’t know what pregnancy exhaustion and nausea is like.

'The night before last my husband woke up at 5am and went downstairs to get a drink. I mentioned that this had woken me up and that I couldn’t sleep after but didn’t make a big deal out of it."
I wouldn't have even mentioned it. What did you expect him to do? Just become dehydrated?

@LemonTT I would love to know how you can learn to fall asleep again? I’ve tried breathing techniques but they don’t work. Is there something else?

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou What? I'm just saying. Every single point that people have offered up, the OP refutes and its piss annoying. People are offering genuine advice, but the OP has already seemingly got it all worked out. Nothing is negotiable. There should be a section called 'AIBU, I Aready Know the Answer but I Just Want To Rant' to save everyone time.

you could try the hypno apps on your phone, it works for some people

Vardy - because we both sleep at night. Its noisy for people in the house and the neighbours if you've got deliveroo turning up in the middle of the night. Just seems like a selfish way to live. Have a piece of toast ffs

@TheMidasTouch He could make sure he has a drink by his bedside as he knows he gets thirsty in the night.