Angry at husband waking me up

[Jadefeather7]

I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones or if I’m right to feel really angry. I feel totally exhausted these days and the nausea has started to set in especially in the evenings.

The night before last my husband woke up at 5am and went downstairs to get a drink. I mentioned that this had woken me up and that I couldn’t sleep after but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Last night I went to bed at 11pm. My husband ordered a pizza at 1am and slammed the door which was loud enough to wake me. When I wake up in a panic I’m not able to go to sleep after for hours. He knows this because it’s happened two or three times before. I was also feeling really sick ( mine is worse at night) so that made getting back to sleep harder.

He was sleeping in another room as he had been up late. I went in and had to shake him to wake him up. He’s a very heavy sleeper and can fall asleep within minutes whenever he wants. I told him he would need to deal with the baby in the morning but because he’s a heavy sleeper and often misses the baby crying and his alarm I had a feeling he wouldn’t do it. I finally went to sleep at 6.30am only to wake up every 15-20 mins worried that I had missed my baby crying. At 7.45 I went to wake the baby up (45 minutes after his usual wake up time) . He must have heard me and then started trying to get involved.

I feel really annoyed as I think he’s being really inconsiderate and not thinking about the fact that I need to rest right now. I also think he should have offered himself to look after the baby this morning. Am I being unreasonable?

So you generally sleep well but your DH has accidentally woken you twice recently. This is a massive over reaction. Why are you so stressed, what else is causing this?

Do you have a bath / I bet you do & you never get up in the night to use it

I can almost guarantee a warm soak will have you nodding off in there or after you get out & get back into bed all nice & bath clean. Start experimenting with calming essential oils - Peppermint is my fav. Most like lavender but it’s a bit overpowering for me...

There are herbal sleepy time tea blends & things you can try

But the #1 thing they say not to do is lay in your bed wide awake all night. You would be better off cleaning or doing a non screen related chore so at least the time was used wisely. Reading is meant to be great, but I personally get too into the book. It is better to read than to watch a screen, so I hope you’re not in bed awake mumsnetting !!!

People swear by valerian but it smells like feet

Prawnsword I really have no clue where you are getting this stuff from, I never said he was making too much noise in the kitchen

He can sleep whenever he wants. He can eat whatever he wants. I would like him to try do things quietly after 11pm such as closing the door gently, treading lightly etc.

It’s not that I can’t tolerate a small sound. When he’s asleep in the same room as me he doesn’t disturb me. He’s told me that he wakes up several times every night, opens his bottle and has a drink, it doesn’t wake me. He gets up to go to go to the toilet every night, it doesn’t wake me. When he’s not in the same room as me he seems to totally forget that I exist or that I am asleep. It’s loud noises like doors slamming and thumping footsteps that have woken me. That’s all avoidable in my view.

Ok but when those things occur you need to develop your own self soothing to get back to sleep. It’s not normal to be unable to sleep until morning because a door slammed at 1am. You either have a problem self soothing to get back to sleep, insomnia, or you’re just not that tired. If you naturally wake up at a certain time you’ve had enough sleep.

Things happen. Doors can slam, people can trip & be heavy footed: you need to be able to not let that destroy your whole night & then everyone else’s in turn because you’re raging at them.

Things like chamomile, lavender, baths don’t make me sleepy. The only external things that make me sleepy are airplane turbulence and someone running their hands through my hair for ages. Obviously neither of those are possible. I’ll try the sleep app, military methods and reading as I haven’t tried those before.

Have you tried a white noise machine? I sleep well in planes too... I tried this head/eye massaging mask in Costco & it was German made, about $150 AUD and could have fallen asleep during the demonstration

Yes I see your baby likes routine however as they got older they change their own routine a little.. Your poor baby obviously needs sleep so why wake him?
I seems you need the routine... Maybe so you can nap when baby does?
And I can't understand why waking your husband was needed.. If he over sleeps.. Tuff it's him that misses out on work

Yabu

Also reading is meant to activate a different part of your brain.

@OnTheFenceWithMostViews think the DH works fe home ?

From *

But you said white noise gives you a headache? Airplane turbulence is white noise.
I"m not a great sleeper. Never have been. I've gone through periods of chronic insomnia. A sleep therapist told me to get up and start my day. When I wake up at 3 am and can't sleep I tell myself my body is rested. I get up and read, or sometimes even clean. Do yoga, have a bath. Sometimes I'll fall asleep again, sometimes I just survive on the 4 hours sleep. Lying in bed isn't the answer.
And my dh snores. He's actually going for a sleep study in December. Sometimes I'm up in the middle of the night shutting his bedroom door, mine, and dragging our air purifier right next to my side of the bed to drown him out. It can be frustrating, but I would never wake him up over it. It's not his fault.

He needs to be woken so he naps well during the day and is not constantly screaming from over-tiredness. I’ve let him oversleep in the past and I’ve seen how badly of effected him. The routine is not for me- as someone posted earlier it makes getting out and about for us difficult. Am I going to trade that flexibility for a constantly screaming, overtired baby. No way.

@Josette77 It’s the turbulence rather than the sound of the plane. If we have a smooth flight I don’t feel sleepy but on a bumpy one I start feeling drowsy. Probably similar to how babies like to be rocked to sleep!
My husband snores sometimes too. I don’t wake him up for it. It’s one of those things that’s out of his control. It’s when someone is being inconsiderate about things within their control that I start getting angry (more
Angry than I should I know)

As someone with similar issues getting back to sleep if I've been woken up I think you need to tackle this problem rather than blaming your husband.

What happens - does your mind kick into over drive or do you get angry at the fact you've been woken up and can't shake it off? Rather than lie in bed stewing I give it an hour to get back off then get up and have a drink and watch some crap on TV rather than focus on the fact I'm awake. I relax and find I can at least get a few hours when I go back to bed. I've found it works for me.

Getting 8 hrs sleep every night is a luxury for many. There will be times as your baby grows that they may wake up at night and need you so you need to get some techniques that work for you in place so you can go back to sleep.

@zeusthemoose, that’s exactly what happens. I’ll
have to try getting up and see if that helps

Great, you recognise you are tactile & like being rocked to sleep. Have you tried googling to see who else is out there & tricks they recommend to help get you back off to the land of nod ?

I saw this thing in target it’s like a dome shape pillow your feet in it & massages you. Maybe you could sleep with some simple little electrical gadget ! Hop on amazon & see what’s around

Does anyone else intentionally set an early alarm just so they can wake up & know they don’t have to get up yet ? Love snuggling in bed knowing it’s ages until I have to leave bed.

Can’t believe didn’t suggest this before - what’s your thread count ? You need to get some super soft bed sheets & comfy jimmy jams so when you wake up you just wanna swish around in your bed for ages.

Prawn I do that. I need to get up at 6 but I have my alarm set to wake me between 5:30 and 6. When it goes off at 5:30, I get to spend half an hour swishing around in bed feeling all cozy and content.

@Biancadelrioisback haha yes! If your bed’s not swooshy you’re doing it wrong

I don't think he's being unreasonable tbh. He's just behaving normally and sleeping elsewhere to try and not be inconsiderate. Unfortunately you are a light sleeper.

Have you tried an antihistamine before bed? That's what fixed my insomnia

I have a weighted blanket that I find a god send for getting me through bad periods of sleeplessness.

Although I do think that if there are sleeping issues in the house he could be kinds and go to bed by midnight

Oooh those weighted blankets look lovely, thanks for the positive review

Come on Aldi centre aisle, give us a modestly priced yet decent quality weighted blanket why won’t you !

YABVU, and really selfish and inconsiderate.

For all your bleating on about others showing some thought and consideration you don’t show any yourself.

You should not have woken your DH up. It does not matter that he can fall back asleep quickly - he will still have a disturbed sleep cycle due to that.

What you are wanting is for him to walk on eggshells around you, and that is not acceptable. Pregnancy is not an excuse for your ridiculous and unacceptable behaviour.