To not allow 'seconds'...

[Whatsername7]

...I mean on a daily basis, not a second helping of a special meal or treat which I would allow.

Dd1 is 8, she is a little over average height, slim, medium framed. She absolutely loves food. Like most kids, she loves sweets, chocolate, cakes etc. She would eat them most days, given the choice. She likes healthy food too. We take an 'everything in moderation' approach to food, however, dd1 regularly ends up asking for more once she has eaten her portion. Tonight, I made an admittedly crap tea of sausage, potato smiles and salad. (Dd2 is poorly - I made something I hoped would entice her to eat - didn't work.) Dd1 had 5 potato smiles, two sausages, tomato, cucumber, peppers and a bread roll. Dd2 didn't eat hers and so dd1 asked if she could finish it (after finishing her own). I said 'no, its not healthy to eat a double portion' and took it away. She has since had some yoghurt. DH thinks im unreasonable and will give her a complex. I think im trying to teach her portion control. However, Im a recovered bulimic - my issues with food, and desperation to shield my girls from ever having those issues, cloud my judgement. So AIBU to say no? Is my approach to teaching dd1 healthy portions just going to set her on a path of restricting? DH is no help - he eats a lot of crap, is happily a couple of stone over weight and is totally relaxed about everything. Thanks.

I would have allowed my son to eat it, he is very skinny and incredibly active, he loves his food, no idea where he puts it. If my child wasn't a healthy weight I wouldn't.

Her breakfast sounds a bit carb heavy and low in protein..cereal not the best whole meal toast /egg/peanut butter porridge /yogurt longer lasting.. dc got hungry that age a a more substantial breakfast helped...
Not sure dh approach is completely right if she doesn't exercise regularly either
We do the waiting for a bit for the message to get from tummy to brain if still hungry then more!

As an ex bulimic can I ask why you’re recovered but checking calories ? I can understand checking ingredients but unless you’re dieting you shouldn’t need to be checking calories of food. You should be able to have food & not allow the calories to be a factor. You sound obsessed with your daughter’s size & healthy eating & my mother’s obsessions with who was fat/skinny/dieting really contributed to my eating disorder.

some extra veg & a potato would have been fine. You’re only going to gain weight if you consistently overeat for every meal. If she is hungry an extra piece of whole grain seedy bread with a protein like tuna in oil & tomatoes & spinach leaves is a great snack. No need to check the calorie content because it’s food which is very close to its natural state

I hope you can reach a stage where you stop having to live by labels because you’ve learnt to trust your food instincts & not see food as something which must be monitored & controlled.

Let her eat. DS1 is only a year older, he has seconds and even thirds some nights and is always hovering around the fruit bowl. There's nothing of him but he's growing like a weed, that's where it all goes, especially in the run up to puberty. If she's a healthy weight then stop worrying so much!

@prawnsword - for the final time. I AM NOT CHECKING CALORIES. AT ALL. I check packaging for serving sizes sometimes, not for calorie content, but in a 'im cooking for 4 people, how much of this do I need to make the meal' kind of way. I use the serving size on the packet to help me judge how much food to cook or put into a recipe. Most people I know do this and it is no different to following a recipe. If you are going to comment critically, please read what i've actually posted. You ask why I checked the packaging for the serving size. The answer is, so I know how much to cook. I only - and boy do I regret it now - checked the calorie content of dds meal AFTER SOMEONE SAID IT WAS A 350 CALORIE MEAL. As I already said I thought 'shit, is that all she had?', checked, realised her meal was closer to 550 calories before the yoghurt and then replied to the poster saying as much.

Thank you for the sensible comments. Dd really struggles to eat breakfast as she tends not to be hungry in the morning. Currently, weetabix and chopped fruit is all I can get down her. Sometimes she will eat a piece of toast, but she isn't really a fan on spreads like peanut butter. She eats a good lunch though, with plenty of chopped veg, fruit, chunks of cheese etc

If she's hungry she's hungry....!
What yogurt did you give her? A fruit one? Because that's full of sugar so she might as well have just had the seconds

Greek yoghurt.

Fair enough

I deliberately give mine a small portion and then they go get seconds of the bits they want, if they want. Seconds is normal. Maybe try that. Great for teaching them to listen to their hunger.

They often ate like snakes before puberty: one day the five year old would eat as much as his dad then the next day eat almost nothing.

I have never had to check a packet for how much food to cook for 4 people.

So you don’t make a big batch & only make enough for one serving size each ?

There is your problem - serving sizes are created for marketing budgets.

If I was hungry & ate one 350 calorie biscuit I would still be hungry. So I would need to eat more, regardless of the serving size & calorie content

Your problem is you need the nutritional info in order to prepare a meal for 4 in the first place. I can’t imagine say, making a batch of pasta & needing food check what the serving size was. You make a big pot of it & there are always leftovers. This is the Italian way. There should always be more than enough for everyone.

When you cool sausages do you only cook enough for everyone to have whatever number of sausages you’ve allocated to them or are there sausages left over ? ( left over because everyone is full not because you denied them an extra sausage)

Your attitude to food is still warped. You’re obsessed with portion control & serving sizes.

I have met more women in my life that have been damaged in childhood by slimming-obsessed mothers...

I wouldn't even class mine as a slimming-obsessed mother but I can clearly remember every remark she ever made about food, or my body, or both. Even if they're not negative, they're hundreds of times more impactful than anything else.

My 8 year old is like a rake. She had 2 homemade pancakes (that’s 2/3 of an egg, flour and about 4oz full fat milk) and a choc spread and a banana for breakfast. A school dinner. A bag of crisps for school snack. A homemade cake after school. Then dinner of 2 sausage, 1.5 scrambled eggs, large portion of baked beans and 2 slices of toast. Oh and she had a yogurt for pudding.

Due to her weight (or lack of!). We focus on a fairly high calorie diet as well as exercise and trying to get in some fruit and veg. She will only drink water so no sneaking in calories that way.

Your kids dinner sounds very light but maybe my view is skewed a bit the other way.

Tomorrow mine is having lamb chops (minimum of 2) a large well buttered baked potato and broccoli. She’ll eat the lot. Wednesday is homemade spag Bol (lots of veg but also plenty of mince) with a tonne of cheese and a side order of garlic bread. Thursday is homemade beef pie, shortcrust pastry and mixed roast root veg. Friday will be beef burger (1/4 lb) with cheese and chips and peas. She is making me fat!!

I generally work on the basis that if my DS who is 7 hasn't left food on the plate I've not given him enough. I want him to stop eating because he's full, not because he's ran out of food. He is very self controlled though and will happily leave anything, even desert, if he's full. Maybe not all children are like that and do need some portion control? My DS is very active, very healthy and rarely eats rubbish. If he wasn't so healthy I would probably have a different approach.

My son (6) eats the following most days:
2 large bowls of cereal
Morning snack (banana, crisps)
School dinner
Afternoon piece of fruit
2 slices of toast
Cooked meal at home (tonight was chicken and veg ), and pudding (yoghurt and satsuma)
I kid you not, less than half an hour later he was "starving" and ate a twix and a large mug of milk.
Personally I'm amazed your DD can survive on so little! 🤣 but they all eat different amounts just be guided by her

Much more healthy to let her eat normal dinner food to appetite, rather than you being the portion control police!

Stop the portion control

Diets, artificial portion control (following what the packet says us a portion, or a book) are the road to problems

Just let her learn to eat normal food like a normal person (ie until they feel they had enough)

My slim 5 year old would eat more than that.
I don’t understand the concept of saying no to a hungry child eating some more dinner.
Potentially very damaging and a great way to encourage a future eating disorder if this is regular.

I have never had to check a packet for how much food to cook for 4 people.

I've never checked a serving size in my life. I don't know anyone who eats according to a packet suggestion. Surely you just estimate according to who is eating and the type of food you're making, and how hungry you are.

@Whatdayisit2 apart from the chicken and veg your dc has eaten nothing but sugar and carbs all day, hence the 'starving'.

@prawnsword it's clear that this topic is something you're knowledgeable and passionate about, but in the nicest most respectful way possible your responses are very much on the attack, and actually pretty rude and thats not beneficial to the op, you're probably (inadvertently) making her feel rubbish

I’m not intending to attack the Op & this is AIBU section where comments to tend to be harsher. I apologise for sounding rude.

I may be projecting as my bulimia was partly due to my mother & am really surprised to hear someone who had an eating disorder & claims to be cured influencing her children to be obsessed with portion size & calories & allowing her kids to feel hungry in the name of health, when arguably the children’s diet is not healthy & lacking in whole foods / fats / proteins so the reading of the packet is irrelevant anyway

A serving size of pasta is 1 metric cup. Nobody eats just one metric cup of pasta unless they are on a strict diet. So this poster essentially has her children on diets & yet is claiming to be a healthy eating role model.

I will step away from this thread as obviously too emotive for me to continue. All the best OP

The thing you are not listening to @prawnsword is that I am recovered. My dds are not on restricted diets and, as I said pages ago, dd wasn't still hungry after the night of the crap meal. She was offered more food later on but didnt want it. You couldn't pick me out of a line up. You know nothing about me other than the small amount of information ive written here, and, even then, you have honed in on one or two things Ive said and twisted them to fit your narrative. Im sorry you had such a bad experience due to your own mother. However, I am not her. Im healthy, but acknowledge I am slightly damaged by my experiences and have approached this wrong. Yes, I go with serving size suggestions, no, there are not usually left overs - how wasteful would it be to throw food away every night? But if we are hungry later on we all - dh, dds and me, will have something else - there is no restriction. Ive accepted IWBU. If my attitude towards food was apparently so warped, I wouldn't accept that would I? Id argue my reasonings. Instead, I have agreed.
Everyone else would benefit from rtft.

If that was the full meal and she was only allowed a yoghurt after than yes, sorry but a banana or something filling after the yoghurt I'd say fair enough but sausages almost make you feel hungry and the salad wouldn't fill you up. On things like Shepards pie, lasagne, stews, casseroles, then I'd be saying a slightly larger portion but no way to eat your other child's portion. So I voted u but not always. I think there's a level between you and your dh. I have a ds who takes and needs more than others, he's a bigger build, whereas I've two tinies too and I totally feel for you, I'm forever saying 'we maybe have to leave it at that