To not allow 'seconds'...

[Whatsername7]

...I mean on a daily basis, not a second helping of a special meal or treat which I would allow.

Dd1 is 8, she is a little over average height, slim, medium framed. She absolutely loves food. Like most kids, she loves sweets, chocolate, cakes etc. She would eat them most days, given the choice. She likes healthy food too. We take an 'everything in moderation' approach to food, however, dd1 regularly ends up asking for more once she has eaten her portion. Tonight, I made an admittedly crap tea of sausage, potato smiles and salad. (Dd2 is poorly - I made something I hoped would entice her to eat - didn't work.) Dd1 had 5 potato smiles, two sausages, tomato, cucumber, peppers and a bread roll. Dd2 didn't eat hers and so dd1 asked if she could finish it (after finishing her own). I said 'no, its not healthy to eat a double portion' and took it away. She has since had some yoghurt. DH thinks im unreasonable and will give her a complex. I think im trying to teach her portion control. However, Im a recovered bulimic - my issues with food, and desperation to shield my girls from ever having those issues, cloud my judgement. So AIBU to say no? Is my approach to teaching dd1 healthy portions just going to set her on a path of restricting? DH is no help - he eats a lot of crap, is happily a couple of stone over weight and is totally relaxed about everything. Thanks.

if they are still hungry after ten minutes or so and they still ask after distracting them, then 5 more bites are allowed.

I’m so glad she isn’t my mum.

was just listening to a jillian michaels podcast with this exact thing. Basically she does no second serving. But, if they are still hungry after ten minutes or so and they still ask after distracting them, then 5 more bites are allowed.
Its about teaching them hunger vs boredom eating and knowing the feeling of "full" as opposed to, "tastes good must eat more"

Controlling the number of bites a child can have is the very opposite of teaching them to self-regulate their appetite. It's disturbing behaviour that is highly likely to create a disordered relationship with food.

I do think though that by the age of 8 they need to start making their own food choices. I don’t mean completely let her make all the choices. But sometimes Let her eat until
She has cramps then sit her down and ask her why she thinks she has cramps- could it be because you e eaten too much etc. The more fuss you make the more she may Ask for seconds.

It also wouldn’t bother me if she was asking for more dinner.
More puddings/ biscuits sweets- then yes put your foot down.

Better off having second portions of dinner than seeking out biscuits etc later. Some days my kids eat for England sometimes they don't eat much. They'll always stop when they're full. Only they know if they're still hungry.

You can't compare the parent-child relationship to the dh/dw relationship. If my dh asked me to come check he'd wiped his bottom correctly after goong to the toilet I'd LTB. However, I happily do it for dd2!

It's torture being hungry.

I would be very concerned that you are allowing your food issues to cloud your judgement. No seconds of dessert perhaps but starters/soup/a proper main meal - as long as the child isn't overweight then I would allow it.

Plus, dd1 gets lots of say in what she eats. She also gets a say in where we go on holiday and the clothes she wears. However, being young, she doesn't always make the most sensible decisions. The other day she wanted to wear a light cardy instead of her coat when it was 2 degrees outside. I said no because she'd freeze. I was totally unreasonable in her opinion until she stood outside and realised it was too cold for just a cardy.

Already said - she wasn't hungry. I offered her something to eat before bed, she said no because she wasn't hungry.
Also, being concerned my former ED is clouding my judgement is the very reason I started the thread.

Children are naturally very good at self regulating if they are allowed to. Of course many would choose sweets more often than we would like, but if they are taught to observe how their body feels, they soon learn.

I have never made sweets or chips etc out to be a big deal but do talk to my children about how some foods nourish our bodies, some just taste nice or are good for our soul. My girls are 2 and 4. Some nights the 4 year old will have 2 or 3 serves of dinner, sometimes only half a serve. If given an ice cream for example, often she will eat the whole thing but sometimes she will leave a few bites and say she's had enough. My 2 year old isn't a great eater yet but we try to just keep it fun and focus on filling her belly. One night recently all she ate was cucumber, another night she had toast. But I always bring it back to "how does your belly feel?" Or "are you still hungry or do you just like the taste?"

Having spent many years working with people with eating disorders, I really think that teaching children to listen to their bodies and observe how certain foods or quantities make them feel is the most important thing you can do for their health.

Also, with things like biscuits, encourage her to eat them slowly, savour them and really enjoy them. If we eat things like that too quickly,
We can end up feeling like we didn't get enough of a taste, which is why we go for 3 when one would have sufficed.

I personally trust my children to self regulate with their meals (rather than treats). I'm not sure if this is right but I would have allowed her to eat more. I don't think it's good to label it as unhealthy to have an appetite for more and would worry that would lead to issues later on.

5 smilies? Is that about 1 potato? Cucumber is mostly water, not much else. Could you give some beans? A few cubes of cheese? More protein and a bit of fat will make her feel fuller. That wouldn’t fill my DS who is also 8. Sometimes he has a growth spurt and I fear my cupboards will never be full again! People think I’m stockpiling for Brexit but really it’s for his teenage years!

Children often have really hungry days, and then others not so much.
I would say that unless they were really big sausages, two is a little small. My 9yo dd will eat four or five chipolatas. Or three big ones. She doesn't eat much in the way of potatoes, but loves her veg, so no worries there.
Tbh I'd rather her eat a larger portion of proper food than be snacking on sweets and crisps.

Not rtft but read ops posts so apologies if I'm stepping on toes.

Op you seem to have taken the advice given cheerfully on board.

It's hard when you have/had a mental illness that makes you second guess what's "normal", I have ocd and have had times with doubting how I approached cleanliness around dd. Eg "Am I being normal thinking she's bogging and needs a scrub or is it the ocd?" To the point I'd take photos of dd and check with my mum. 9/10 she WAS bogging and needed a scrub but sometimes it was the ocd and mum would put me straight.

That said I think there are 2 other factors you need to consider here, sorry but as I think a or possibly pps have said she could be approaching puberty which may be increasing her metabolism. My sister and dd both started their periods aged 9, I was nearer the then average at 13. People vary.

Also the hsp, for starters you seem to be under the impression it's a chronic condition which I don't think it is? Either way she's been ill and that may be increasing her bodies demands at the moment too. Most of us after a period of physical illness need to build ourselves up again and with this condition she may be finding she needs a bit more protein and iron at this point. Maybe try encouraging protein and iron rich foods (eggs are great for this without being too calorific especially if not fried) ?

The other stuff about she'll take another biscuit if ones going begging even if she's not very hungry - well wouldn't we all?

She sounds fine and so do you.

Sorry, YABU.

All I can add is tha my two are a similar age (9 & 7). Both have started eating bigger portions of food recently. Not quite adult but not far off. They are always hungry and they are both skinny.

I would be fine with seconds, enter that than sweets.

My 7 and 3 year old often ask for seconds during growth spurts. I offer maybe some bread, extra veg, fruit, pretty much limitless if the are still hungry after a good dinner, they will happily eat the healthier stuff, if they moan about it I know they are just after the treat food. My boys eat very well but are both skinny.

I agree with your DH, this could well give her an eating complex.

At her age, she's about to start growing really fast and will need more food than you.

I wouldn't be counting kids calories for a start. Her breakfast and lunch are a lot of fast burning foods. Up her protein. Her asking for more meat at dinner shouldn't be a problem.

I tell my dc to stop when they feel full. Whether this is before they've finished or they eat it all and need more. I want them to be able to tell when they're full and not keep stuffing themselves for the sake of it, but they need to learn when that is. They quite often say they're full and stop eating before their plate is empty.

You have to trust her to know when she is full, you have no way of knowing. Just listen to her next time.

YABU. It sounds to me that your food issues aren't resolved and are coming out in the controlling of your DCs portions. I think you may try so hard to avoid giving her "issues" with food you'll achieve the opposite. Make healthy food available and let children eat to hunter, especially when needs vary so much according to activity level and growth spurts. Maybe engage in some counselling to look at remaining anxieties around food for you.

FFS, hunger not hunter, obvs