To not allow 'seconds'...

[Whatsername7]

...I mean on a daily basis, not a second helping of a special meal or treat which I would allow.

Dd1 is 8, she is a little over average height, slim, medium framed. She absolutely loves food. Like most kids, she loves sweets, chocolate, cakes etc. She would eat them most days, given the choice. She likes healthy food too. We take an 'everything in moderation' approach to food, however, dd1 regularly ends up asking for more once she has eaten her portion. Tonight, I made an admittedly crap tea of sausage, potato smiles and salad. (Dd2 is poorly - I made something I hoped would entice her to eat - didn't work.) Dd1 had 5 potato smiles, two sausages, tomato, cucumber, peppers and a bread roll. Dd2 didn't eat hers and so dd1 asked if she could finish it (after finishing her own). I said 'no, its not healthy to eat a double portion' and took it away. She has since had some yoghurt. DH thinks im unreasonable and will give her a complex. I think im trying to teach her portion control. However, Im a recovered bulimic - my issues with food, and desperation to shield my girls from ever having those issues, cloud my judgement. So AIBU to say no? Is my approach to teaching dd1 healthy portions just going to set her on a path of restricting? DH is no help - he eats a lot of crap, is happily a couple of stone over weight and is totally relaxed about everything. Thanks.

Those foods have very little substance to them. They are like temporary calories similar to fast food.

If dd is hungry then maybe suggest she takes a food break for the tummy to talk to her brain. If she is still hungry 30 mins later I would offer more food.

Rather than restricting second portions, I would be encouraging an "eat when hungry, stop when full" attitude.

She needs to learn to listen to her body and not an external voice.

I also think you're risking giving her an eating disorder, she's hungry still, she may be growing, the meal was crap in your own words, so I'd have let her eat what she needed. This level of control, small portions, is going to have the opposite effect, she will end up bingeing when she can access food, because she's not being allowed to develop her own portion control, she's simply being denied and having her food controlled.

I find it's OK for kids to eat how much they like providing they are in dance/sports clubs to maintain a good health and fitness

You got to remember girls are developing sooner now, you might be mistaking hunger for her body desperately needing fat storage in order for her to grow through puberty.
Watch for a growth spurt next... She needs the food for this all to happen

I would have let her eat if, smilies are not very filling at all. It would have been different if she had wanted extra pudding.

dd1 regularly ends up asking for more once she has eaten her portion

Maybe you’re not giving her enough? It must be miserable always asking for more and being told no.

It’s miserable being hungry, I grew up in a household with little money. My mum used to make a massive pot of veggie soup that we could snack on and eat as a starter to help us feel full on a smaller plate. Something that might be useful for your daughter.

Ignore packet recommended portions, manufacturers set them completely arbitrarily so they can list the calories etc as looking relatively healthy - for a tiny unrealistic portion size!

Try adding more to her plate of the healthy stuff like veggies, fruits, unprocessed carbs and lean meats. Making sure there is a portion of a healthy fat helps with satiety too. Check out the NHS Eat well plate to see what a healthy meal looks like.

I think you are not the right person to organise meal times. You should let your DH do it and in the meantime see if you can get support with your eating issues

I'd be extremely wary of turning to Mumsnet for advice on children's diets.

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable. Your dd had a totally normal portion for her age plus a yogurt. I'm sure she's allowed another healthy snack before bed. It's not unreasonable to say no if you think a child's had enough, I'm not convinced by pps saying they'd allow their child to eat other people's left overs & lots extra at mealtimes. Children can be greedy sometimes! It's a parent's job to set a few guidelines. I'm sure there's no way you let her genuinely go hungry & obviously you know when she's had enough. You know your dd best.

My slim DS8 would annihilate 2 sausages and be starving on what your DD eats, sounds like the portion my 4yo would have but they would have half a can of beans each too which is more filling than salad.

When I say regularly asking for more, I mean snacky foods. Eg, she is given two chocolate biscuits, eats them and asks for another. Then another. With left overs, she doesn't ask for extras of the veg, just the potato or meat. As I said before, she isn't very active. Since being diagnosed with HSP in May she has become less so as gymnastics hurts her feet.

If it's not chocolate and sweets I would just let her eat to her hunger. Children can go through phases of eating more than others. If you arent worried about her weight then I would just leave her too it. Some people eat more than others. I eat twice as much as my mum but we a similar healthy ish weights .

Your DD being ‘medium’ sized sounds like me as a child. My mum has weight issues and in a bid to ‘teach me portion control’ (aka her terror of me getting fat, too) she pushed me to secret binges. I’ve had weight issues and bulimia since I was a young teenager (now 29).

Tread carefully!

@ShinyRuby - yes! Thank you, you are completely right! Dd1 can be an 'eat for the sake of it' kind of kid. I absolutely will feed her before bed if she is hungry. Thanks for your post.

I still find the idea of someone else dishing up my meal a bit off (aside from restaurants).

We put all the food in large serving dishes in the middle and everyone eats as much or as little as they please.

OP it's lovely that you've been so cheerful about the responses here! If it helps, my daughter was sedentary too and still grew up to be a very healthy woman (weight-wise and everything-else-wise) when I left her alone to control her own portions. Brace yourself, there was no control at all during puberty and it seemed like there wasn't enough food in the world. It all balanced out by 17.

Everyone is different TBH. The portion sizes are a guideline really .Potato Smiles are just a bit more filling than some crisps! Perhaps a jacket potato or some pasta may be more filling for her ? I would not stop her eating wholesome food as others have said ,or she may get issues around food which is exactly what you dont want to happen!

Very few children would ask for extras of veg! I agree with those who say let her have more food if she’s wants it, she sounds perfectly normal to me. The last thing you want to encourage is her feeling she can’t be honest with you about how she’s feeling. Second helpings as part of a healthy lifestyle are nothing to worry about.

If there isn't a problem with her weight and self image, don't create one for her. Just let her eat.

Enjoying biscuits more than veg isn't unusual.
Equally, potatoes are always the better option for seconds.

Personally, I'd be looking at having meals containing slow release carbs and more substantial portions at meal times

Op, you seem to be saying you'll accept you're unreasonable then drip feeding in to show you're not then clinging on in ecstasy that one poster actually agreed with you. 🤔

As PP said, your DD needs more substantial food, esp protein and fat.
And stop listing veg as dinner, they are there as an extra for micronutrients, and have very little calories.
The ‘dinner’ you served her was about 350kcal. I ate twice as much as adults when I was 8 to 12 years old, I played a sport and was ravenous all the time.

do you want her to learn to control her own food intake? yes of course you do. in which case she has to have experience and practice - something which you are denying her if you make all the decision about how much she can have and when. asking for extra supper is very different from asking for a sugary snack or crisps in between meals. at meal time, let her choose how much she wants - ask here when prepareing it " do you want 3 or 4 bits of this" what veg would you like? how much? get her used to seeing portions in the pan and then on the plate. one day she might eats loads and not so much the next. or she might have a very high metabolism in which case she will easily eat more than an adult.

you have to stop being controlling around food or she will think this is the way to go and it isnt. not easy when you have your own issues but she needs to grow up differently and avoid problems.

@Bluntness100 no - im just clarifying what I mean in response to peoples comments. Also just pleased than someone on the thread kind of gets what I mean....not sure that constitutes ecstasy!