To wish I could be a SAHM

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

And I'd rather be at work earning the income than cleaning the house while they're at school or their activities.? Thankfully I was able to thing of other things to do other than clean the house all day!

Also, working women often end up doing the lion's share of housework as well as working. The expectation that men have to shoulder the entire financial burden of running a household seems to have gone away, but the expectation that they also help with housework hasn't caught up in some households. A few people on here saying their husbands want their wives to get a job and contribute but also expect them to do all the housework and "wife work".

Personally, I hate housework and "wife work" but I inevitably do more of it because I'm at home. I'd like to think if I worked FT that would change but who knows? My DH helps out when he's here I hasten to add and he is better at wife work than I am tbh! It's a shame he's also the higher earner really as if I went out to work, he'd be an awesome sahd.

Not a SAHP exactly, but this how we work it: When my dc were little, we were both working full time (me working days and dh nights) dd was 5 and just started school, ds was just 12 months and we managed the childcare between us (I had some flexible hours to allow dh to sleep!), but it was so hard - we seemed to both be single parents, we were so rarely all together.
Then Dh got an offer of a better paid job, back working days, so we decided to take the leap and I quit my job to go self-employed, working from home. Financially, it hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve managed it and it has got easier.
However, getting rid of all the stress of commuting, running late getting home to take over childcare so the other one could go to work etc was immense - I was able to do all the school/nursery (once ds was 3) drop offs, got to know other parents, could easily do play dates for dc, no stress if one of the dc were unwell, got to attend all the school daytime events that I missed before.
Working from home isn’t for everyone, you need to be disciplined (and be prepared to catch up in the evenings) but it’s worked well for us. I’ve really appreciated being able to be here for my dc and I know they’ve liked knowing I’m here too, even now, as older teens!

I think it depends on the person. I work p/t & get most of the school holidays off & I love the balance although frequently find the holidays hard. Im a better person with the structure & routine of work than I am without it but fortunately I can do most pick ups/drop offs & participate in school activities.

I understand it’s hard if you want the opposite to what you’d like. Which goes for being stuck if cc cost too high or stuck at work.

Not much you can do but I hope there are up sides for you - cv current etc

I'm a SAHM and I'm very thankful that we are able to manage on my husbands wage. My DC has just started school and its lovely being there for him every day.
It is tight though, I have sacrificed a lot to be a SAHM, I don't spend much on myself, we have 1 cheap UK holiday a year if we manage to save for it and my DH does regular overtime to be able to afford christmas etc, but I would rather that than hardly see my DS.

One of my biggest fears was having a long gap & never finding well paid work again. These days it's much more competitive & lots of women are staying in work plus often in order to have the opportunity to wfh/flexi hours you need to be fairly high up or have built trust.

@Feelingpoorlysick wouldn’t you prefer to work part time and share some of the earning load with your husband?

I probably sound judgy, not trying to be! But I would find it very difficult if I was working to fund someone to stay at home when there were no children there.

OP, I'm with you.
I'd give anything to be home with DS but unfortunately he is stuck in childcare and in stuck at work

Stop thinking about being a SAHM as "not working". Think about the skills you use every day - project management, operational management, problem solving, conflict resolution. You would be an asset to any organisation fortunate enough to employ you.

While I agree entirely that being a SAHP involves considerable work, I'm afraid that those 'skills' belong on a cheery 'Isn't being a SAHP wacky?' meme, rather than on the CV of someone looking to get back into the workplace after a considerable period out of it.

Exactly Those skills listed will not mean anything on a CV

I agree with @sophonax, if someone actually put those skills on a CV they would be laughed out of the application process.

Interesting how most posts in this thread are from SAHMs describing what a wonderful life they have while the OP has said she can't afford to be a SAHM or even go part-time. When a SAHM OP complains about lack of money/boredom/loneliness, her thread is not flooded by WOHMs telling her they are so lucky to be WOHMs because financial security/mental stimulation etc.

I often wish I was a SAHP but in reality I found being at home isolating - working is just better for me personally for a number of other reasons. I do know what you mean though about missing out on school stuff and just generally all the rushing about.

I am not convinced though that I’d be any better at all the constant Stuff you have to do as a parent if I had more time to do it. I massively admire my SAHP friends as they are very involved with school or clubs, organised, self-motivated and always on the go. I think my self-esteem would take a hit when I realised I was still not like that despite the extra hours!

@bgmama

Well yes, it would be really ungracious to say to someone who envies your position that they're wrong and have no idea how hard it is. There are up and downsides to both and I think it's only fair to recognise both.

Also, yes, I used to work in recruitment once upon a time and I really don't think listing your SAHM skills on a cv would get anything other than a laugh or maybe some very nice interviewer politely nodding and smiling while secretly thinking "no".

Gosh I agree. Being a sAHM doesn’t give you any skills for the workplace unless you maybe want to get into childcare and it’s not even very useful for that. Don’t fool yourselves!

I’m afraid being a sahm doesn’t make you an asset for any co either

Better to be realistic about what a break could mean and mitigate it if it’s important to work

There are definitely pros and cons. The grass isn't always greener.

Pros for me are some of the things you say. I love that I am fortunate enough to spend most of my time with my children without the worry of work. It's excellent if one of them is ill, we can have a day snuggling on the sofa with no concerns. I can speak to preschool staff whenever I need (frequently, as my DD has ASD and needs extra help). I've never missed a milestone. I've spent literally days and days colouring, playing in the park, baking etc etc. I don't have to worry about annual leave, office politics (I worked in a senior position prior to having children) or having to arrange childcare - or pay for it.

However. It's not all sunshine and roses. It can be very very isolating (esp when you have a child with additional needs who struggles to socialise with other children). I do have to rush around in the mornings to get DD to preschool on time with a toddler in tow too. 95% of the housework, shopping, life admin falls to me as DH is out of the house 6-7 Monday - Friday on top of looking after two small children. We still cram stuff in at the weekend because I simply do not have time to do it all in the week, even being at home full time. I sometimes feel utterly touched out and crave time on my own, and silence. I rarely get to eat in peace or finish a hot drink unless DD is at preschool and baby is napping. Also everyone who isn't a sahm judges you and thinks you're a lazy bint who contributes nothing to society and sits around drinking coffee and eating cake all day (luckily I care not a jot about this). People also assume that you couldn't ever have had a successful career (I did) if you're at home, and therefore wrongly assume you're not particularly bright, have nothing interesting to say or are unable to talk about anything other than your children.

One big difference I've noticed with friends who work is they are always understandably keen to meet with children and in child friendly places, clearly because they miss their children whilst at work and want to maximise their time with them. I on the other hand really want to meet child free, in places where children probably won't be because I am constantly with mine so enjoy a bit of adult time. It's a hard balance to get right to keep everyone happy. We tend to do a child friendly meet up once a month then maybe a dinner and drinks too, seems to work in my circle.

That said, I wouldn't change it and I think it must be extremely difficult to be a working mum. Both ways of life have their juggles and struggles. What I don't do is judge anyone either way. We're all mums just trying our best, whether we work or not.

Many SAHMs must have very nice husbands, if you can spend your days doing all those interesting activities, crafting, having coffee and whatnot - and not all the boring housework.
DH was a SAHD for a while when DC were small. When they're home the entire day, fair enough, it's hard work. If he declared now when they're in school that he wanted to never work again, but also not to do boring housework, but spend his days having coffee with friends and other fun stuff, I'm not sure I would feel this is all entirely fair..

II'd swap too. SAHM here, barley any family support, childcare costs plus the travel costs to get to a job would be expensive. I keep applying but I've been out off work almost 4 years and I never get a reply back from any employer.

@G5000 there is a strong possibility my DH will be a SAHD for a while next year.
I am already anxious about the messy house I am going to come home to after a stressful day at work and commuting.

There is nothing worse than everyone wanting immediate help and attention whilst you try and take to your coat off/ have a wee/ glass of water and then you try and find a cup for someone’s milk and an entire days washing up is languishing in the sink, the dishwasher hasn’t been unloaded, bins not emptied and a clothes wash not put on etc

I think 50/50 is the best of both worlds. I've had that before and it was great - time in the week to do the mum thing, but also time to go to work and escape that world too!

Pass but..why? So what will he do there the whole day? Wait for you to come home to clean? I didn't expect DH to do it all, but keeping reasonably on top of things is surely not too much to ask, even with small children at home.

I'm with you OP.

I think part time probably is the best we can hope for but it really annoys me that so many women try to squash full time jobs into part time hours and only get paid half the money. Don’t see many men doing that