To wish I could be a SAHM

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

Annelovesgilbert - no its not always straightforward but people can start making changes that will lead to a different way of life. Do you really have to live in an expensive part of the country?

No thanks, I'd love not to get up at six thirty, but I'd be doing that as a SAHM anyway. I also love using my brain, stretching myself and feel like I'm making a difference outside of my home and family. If I won the euro millions (no chance don't play it), I'd love to give up work. I'd travel extensively with DH and ds then, I've got a couple of ideas for charitable projects that I'd love to have the funding and time to get off the ground. I think being a SAHM would genuinely affect my mental health. I love my child a lot but I was ready to go back to work after mat leave.

I Buy Boots own brand and collect the points. Then I treat myself to make up.
You can get loads of freebies or save by bargain hunting when you have extra time.
The slower pace of life is a real bonus, not much to rush for.
I've struggled trying to pace myself for work and follow set times, but I had a huge amount of time out.
I take my hat off to all those juggling and having such a fast pace of life to fit it all in. Having to get up so early and the long days.
Then some coming home and starting on domestics too.

It's only now that DD is at nursery school and will be full time next year that I want to be a SAHM. I've met her teacher once, never met her new friends or their parents and pay a fortune for wraparound care.

I'm looking forward to maternity leave so much, just so I can be a bit more involved in her life outside of the house. All of her friends from nursery (which she started at 8 months old) have parents who were able to either condense their hours or go part time which just isn't an option for us so I never got to make a life outside of the weekend.

DH has recently had a pay rise and with the cost of pretty much full time nursery for the newest arrival and full time before and after school club for DD I think we might have to keep me at home.

I'd LOVE it.

I swear I used paragraphs

I always wanted to be a SAHM. I could never afford it. I loved maternity leave and was never bored or lonely. I like my FT job but if I never had to work another day in my life I wouldn’t miss work. I recently had a long spell out of work due to redundancy, and loved being a SAHM! If I won the lottery I’d be a SAHM in a heartbeat.

I do worry about the employability and pension issues raised by others. Whilst I am very happily married, I'm not so naïve/arrogant as to think that I am somehow immune to the situations that so many women find themselves in (divorced, previously wonderful husband having a personality transplant and screwing them financially, being unemployable in 40s/50s after years as a SAHM etc).

I suppose right now I'm just taking the risk because I think the benefits outweigh the downfalls. But it's not a permanent situation and I have plans to go back to work, or possibly retrain, once DD is at school. There is also a potential opportunity for DH and I to open a business that would incorporate both of our skillsets a little further down the line. So I have some plans, and I don't anticipate relying on a state pension alone.

I've worked part time, full time and am now a SAHM. I gave up work as my middle child was very poorly so it was more of a need than a want.

In all honesty every type has it pros and cons. When I was part time I felt I couldnt split my time properly between everyone (work and home). When I was full time I felt such huge guilt about not being with the kids etc. Now I'm at home I massively miss working some days and wish I could speak to adults more and use my brain!!! I think it's a case of 'the grass is greener'.

I think as parents you are automatically programmed to feel guilty about something!!!

WhatsInName

I have to agree here and for all the usual arguments against being a sahm this is the main one.
I will readily admit to being naive and very lucky in our 30 odd years together, certainly at the beginning I'd have been royally stuffed had it gone wrong.
And it's only on sheer luck the choices we made and lifestyle means we have a small pension provision, and a smallish house each, fully owned.
It certainly wasn't planned.

Women do have to consider this, but it applies to working women too, just maybe to a lesser extent.

I have to work, I’m horrible if I don’t. It’s my safe space where people are generally a bit more easy to manage than my dd

Plus I have an inherent fear of ever relying on someone else. I’m a single parent and whilst I’m happy to share my life with someone, I would never feel comfortable not earning my own money, or owning my home myself. You only have to read the relationship boards to see how many women get screwed over. I don’t want that.

I’m a SAHM but it wasn’t by choice, I was employed in a long term temporary contract, had just been given the excellent news I was being made permanent and as soon as my workplace found out I was pregnant - the permanent role vanished and I was let go due to ‘no longer in need of temp assistance’.

I couldn’t find another job quickly enough and as soon as we discovered I was expecting twins, what little I could earn on a basic salary wouldn’t have covered the cost of childcare for one, let alone two. Just a series of unfortunate events.

I love being at home with my DD and DS but due to their learning delays and physical delays after premature birth with low birth weight, the monotony is very hard to deal with. I miss having conversations with peers, having a job I can leave at the door (I do appreciate this isn’t the case for every working Mum) having my financial freedom, but it’s all a balancing act I think, luckily my hobbies are quite relaxed (painting, writing, video games, Mumsnet etc.) so I can still distract myself with those when the twins are asleep.

I am in awe of a lot of working mums because between healthcare appointments (which we have a lot of due to the delays), housework and admin, playing with the twins and trying to keep them engaged and constantly fretting that I’m not stimulating them enough, or feeding them quite right, or the dreaded double meltdowns- I don’t know if I’d have it in me to work as well (even though I miss it so much! 😩).

It’s funny, for a long time being a SAHM was what I did, and what I thought I’d do forever. Circumstances changed and I had to work. I was miserable working FT in a demanding job, missed the kids etc. Worked PT in role I didn’t enjoy and was mega stressed. Now I am so lucky to be working in a full time, as in 5 days, but term time only role which I absolutely love. It’s taken years and years to find the perfect balance but I’d never go back to being a SAHM.

I'm currently on mat leave with DS2 4 months, I also have DS1 21 months and with both I started KIT days at 12 weeks and worked 30 KIT/SPLIT days before the end of my 6 month mat leave as I just needed the adult company, I love being a mum don't get me wrong but it's not for me being at home every day, we could afford for me to be a SAHM if I wanted to but I love my job and want to earn money myself so will be going back 3 days after Xmas, I would go back more but nursery is £104 a day

I would worry (after reading many many threads on here) about giving up my independence and earning potential to place all my trust in a man. So many women find themselves in a very vulnerable position. I completely support each couple's choice about what set up is best for them and I realise some don't have an option, with high childcare costs and lack of family support, but I do think that some women don't give enough thought to how to protect their position should things go wrong in future.

I'm currently the only earner as DH recovers from a life-altering injury so I'm glad I built up a strong career and can keep us afloat.

@WhatsInAName19 I agree security has to be considered. For various reasons I wasn't employed when I became pregnant - (it was planned) and it was twins which made any return to work almost impossible - childcare would have cost more that my salary. We were in our heady days of young love - it never occured to me that things would change between us, so I never really considered my financial future. I neglected my financial security for too long, have seen many women struggle and it worries me despite dh and I still being very strong 20 years on.
Getting back into the workplace is hard. I was lucky Dh started up a business and I offered to help out to build some recent experience, it's been fun and if things go to the wall - I now have recent relevant experience. I once asked on here what skills employers thought you'd missed being out of the workplace for 10 years because I couldn't see much that had changed and the responses I got were surprising they seemed to think you have rotted in a cave for years and had no clue how to use a computer/ the internet - would be floored by new software, which simply isn't true but that is what you are up against! Funny thing is the new software I have encountered is designed to be easy to use - we wouldn't introduce if it wasn't, it's there to make the job easier not require weeks of training to get up to speed.

The upshot is that I would never recommend dd becomes a SAHM even though I have no regrets about my choices.

Sorry about the lack of paragraphs - I was sure I had some in there before I posted!

Why do you need to be a SAHM to do those things I work part time and manage them all - except for not waking up early, which I’m sure most SAHM of babies and toddlers still need to do.

@pinkblueberry OP says part time is not an option for her.

Stop thinking about being a SAHM as "not working". Think about the skills you use every day - project management, operational management, problem solving, conflict resolution. You would be an asset to any organisation fortunate enough to employ you. The biggest issue with returners is confidence. When the time comes, plan ahead. Think about what you want to do. Consider unpaid internships for a week or two (if you can afford to). Visualise yourself in that role and push all thoughts of failing to the back of your mind. Mums are the planet's most valuable resource. Keep reminding yourself of that.

A bit like you whitejotter, I became a SAHM by accident as my office shut down while I was on mat leave, so I lost my job and then couldn't find anything similar as the industry had taken a nosedive (hence my office shutting). A few years on I'm still at home, now with two dcs. It would cost more than an entry level (which is what I could realistically get at best) role salary to cover childcare. We have no family support at all, as my parents are dead / overseas and DH's parents still work, about an hour's drive away and frankly don't want to do childcare, which is fair enough.

I am lucky that DH's salary can cover our bills and we have a nice enough life. I am so lucky to get to spend all this time with my dcs when they're young too. But it isn't a choice I would have made, if I had actually been given the choice and I wouldn't really encourage anyone to do it, unless they were independently wealthy. That said, the grass is always greener, so maybe I'd be desperate to stay at home if I was working. I definitely don't want a min wage job which means we would LOSE MONEY after childcare, just for the sake of it. Even if DH did a runner and left me, a min wage job would not help me at all, it would mean I would be in minus money.

What I would really like to see is more affordable childcare or better salaries for women, but it would need to be significantly different to enable many of us to work and cover bills, especially if we end up single parents and have to cover everything.

I would absolutely love to be a SAHM if I had the money. I wish I lived 30-40 years ago sometimes when it was much more financially viable to be one! Nowadays where I live it’s impossible to cover the mortgage on one salary, unless one of you is extremely well paid.

My only contribution is to say "it's complicated" .

I think our setup is the best it can be, in our circs: DH in high-paying job. Me SAH and working freelance naps and evenings. I have other income coming in from an investment.

I don't generally find it boring but we have a very regimented schedule of activities for every day of the week - during the holidays/when friends with toddlers are away I very quickly start losing my mind.

I can imagine that if we had £ issues/no friends or local connections/no reliable transport/whatever else it would be much harder.

I had 3-4 months of maternity leave each time and that was quite enough. Baby and toddler groups are my idea of 7th circle of hell. School aged children are much more interesting, but most of their acitvities are expensive, so having an income is certainly useful. And I'd rather be at work earning the income than cleaning the house while they're at school or their activities.

I'm a SAHM. I have 5 children and I'm pregnant with number 6 age 42. My youngest is 2. I gave up work when my eldest was born almost 16 years ago. It is a privilege. I am very grateful for the opportunity. I love doing the school runs, being able to attend events at school, having the time to take things slowly and not have to rush, etc. I not fond of the amount of housework having a baby/toddler at home all day creates though and it can get a bit boring sometimes, but if we're bored, we just go out, as thankfully there's lots to do where we live.

I'm too scared to work out if we'd be better off if I cut my hours when I finish mat leave. A baby and toddler are hard work! I'm looking forward to going back to work...I feel bad typing that but it's honest.