Ex taking child on holiday

[Aimee75]

My ex husband has custody (residency order) of our 9 year old son which was ordered by the court after a lengthy court battle. I have recently found out that my ex & his wife are taking my son and their children out of school for 2 weeks to go to Disneyland. I have spoken to my ex to express my disapproval about taking him out of school however his response is that as he is resident parent he legally has the right to take our son abroad for up to 4 weeks without my written permission. I have checked the order that was issued by the court and to be fair it does state that but I do have a big problem with him taking him during term time so my question is should I apply for a pso to try to prevent my son being taken on holiday during term time? Any advice please

OP, you stated yourself your son does not like your partner and I’m sure these valid reasons for that. He himself has asked to live with his father and the rulings you’ve stated have been quite severe which does suggest there is a hell of a lot to this case.

Nonetheless, I imagine at 9 he has felt as though you’ve chosen a man over him.

You’ve accepted the courts decision, it’s time to now focus on putting your son first and mending the relationship. Your ex sounds like a decent man, continue to work with him and allow your son to finally be surrounded by stability and a good family life - that is what he needs most.

I’m sure your ex won’t make a habit of taking him on holidays during term times, this most likely is an exception. Be supportive and show interest in his trip.

If your ex makes a habit of taking term time trips, then take it up with the courts. Right now you have no actual reason to think it will becomes habit, so don’t scupper a once in a lifetime trip just because it could potentially happen again.

On this occasion I think you should let it go, but imo you should seek a PSO if it transpires that his df taking your son out of education in order to facilitate holidays becomes a regular occurence.

As for your situation in general, it can be extremely difficult to self-represent when the other side has the full panoply of legal assistance including barristers and young children can be susceptible to subtle, and not so subtle, parental alienation. In addition, there are numerous horror stories on this site which indicate that Cafcass are not fit for purpose.

Time will tell and I'd be interested to know who your ds wants to live with when he becomes a teenager.

@Aimee75 if it helps reassure you, my parents took me out of school for one week every single year I was in primary school (just before a half term so we could have a fortnight holiday) and it never did me any harm. I promise I've turned out ok and it never affected my learning

Dinosauraddict Thank you

Meh. It wouldn't bother me. Your son is going to have a wonderful holiday. I always took mine out of school to go on holiday. I don't do it now with the 2 remaining in school but only because circumstances dictate we don't go on holiday any longer.

Whatever has gone on you don't deserve half the nasty comments on this thread.

My ex took me to court to try and stop me taking my kids to Disney World. He had no reason, he was just being vindictive. The judge ripped him to pieces.

I know it's hard but you have to take your emotions out of this and think about your son and only your son. You will lose a lot of money but more importantly any goodwill that you have managed to build up with his dad, if you fight this.

I’m shocked
Did it not occur to you to dump your bf to keep your son living with you

@MonsieurChaCha

Why will OP lose a lot of money?

The legal position is that, as the OP's ex has a court order saying the child lives with him, he can take their son out of the country for up to one month without the OP's consent. If he does so during term time the LA is entitled to fine both the OP and her ex. Whether they would fine both or just the ex is up to the LA. If the OP is clear to the school that she does not consent to this holiday there is less chance of her being fined but there are no guarantees.

If the OP wants to stop this she can apply for a Prohibited Steps Order, preventing her ex taking their son out of school for this holiday.

Two weeks out of school at age 9 won’t affect his schooling much

Responding to this and other posters who have said similar things...

It depends what you mean by not affecting his schooling much. There is a clear link between absence and performance. The evidence is that every absence has an impact on academic performance which, in turn, impacts on the child's life chances. The impact may not be huge if this is a one-off but it is there.

You are in a difficult position as anything you do to stop holidays is going to cause resentment and paint you in a poor light.
If the unauthorised absences become a regular occurrence You may just have to let the local authority deal with it ... or whoever has jurisdiction .

That’s what I am asking, should I apply for PSO?

Yabu, and tbh spiteful, get the courts involved however it will cost you and most judges won’t intervene in a parent taking their child on holiday.

Gosh OP, what a situation. Relationship breakdown can have such massive ripple effects when you have children together. I don’t know your situation but I can see that you are being judged for being a mum and not having residency. You are being very gracious in the face of that criticism, so well done you.

Whatever has happened in the past and whatever mistakes were made, I agree with others: your focus should be rebuilding the relationship with your son. You will need to take extra care not to allow things like this to interfere. On the facts, you have no choice as the NRP. So just accept it and move on graciously. Don’t argue the toss about the fine unless and until it arises. At £60 a week per child, it simply isn’t worth it.

I’d also just like to say that women are allowed to move on in life after a relationship breaks up. I can imagine that a child choosing the other partner must be absolutely devastating. Let’s all remember that instead of throwing mud at an OP who clearly already feels rather shit. In a different lifetime, that could be you, through no fault of your own.

@Aimee75 No, of course you shouldn’t apply for a PSO!

Bollocks ,where did I go wrong
I’d be a single mum for the rest of my life rather than have my child live with a man they didn’t like .
So no ,that couldn’t be any of us in a different lifetime ,

There's so muchaggressive and vitriolic judgement here about the OP being the non resident parent.
There's all sorts of reasons that may have led to a very young child choosing to live with one parent rather than the other. A father should be able to parent just as efficiently as a mother. We don't know why this child may not have liked the OP's partner, and yet so many of you are castigating her.
OP has other children with her partner and she maintains regular contact with her son. It must have been a complex matter for her and for the court to find a way to make it work in the best interests of the child.
The fact is, none of us know the full circumstances, so people should stop being so sexist and judgemental. We're really not entitled to demand that she justifies her actions in the last five years or so!

Let’s all remember that instead of throwing mud at an OP who clearly already feels rather shit. In a different lifetime, that could be you, through no fault of your own

Nobody made the OP move in with a man her son didn't like, and go on to have two children with him! She made those decisions.

Our choices have consequences. Nobody is saying single parents cannot date again, or even go on to have more children, but as a parent it's your job to put your existing children first!

I can imagine that a child choosing the other partner must be absolutely devastating. Let’s all remember that instead of throwing mud at an OP who clearly already feels rather shit. In a different lifetime, that could be you, through no fault of your own.

That. The son chose the father over the mother. Not the mother choosing her partner over the child. Even if the OP had dumped her partner (and father of her other two children) after the court case, who's to say that the boy would have changed his mind? And what of the other two children who'd miss their dad?
7 year olds can have all sorts of odd reasons for choosing to live with one parent or the other. Let's stop making up scenarios to blame the mother.

adaline how on earth do you know her son didn't like her partner when he moved in? That's an assumption on your part with no evidence to back it up. Perhaps he felt left out when his siblings arrived and took it out on their dad. We know absolutely nothing about the situation.

I am actually shocked by how horribly judgemental people have been on this thread.

@adaline, the OP has already said that her DS had no problems with her partner until two years ago. So stop blaming her for having children with a partner that her son didn't like, because that wasn't the case.

No, I wouldn't apply for a pso.

You may not agree to it but there will be far bigger issues be applying for a pso over something trivial isn't going to engender any goodwill between you and your ex. If you want to what's best for your son work on the co-parenting relastionship.

I honestly think that for something so ‘one off’ as a trip to Disneyland you should let this one go . If it becomes a regular thing - think again . My children have had a couple of weeks off in term time over the years . It has not had a negative impact on performance at all - although we have always gone the last week of term .

Most people have said no, you should let him go. But OP None of your responses seem to want to take that in, it seems as though you want encouragement to go for a PSO.

Not every child is lucky to go off to Disney. Let them have it. I hardly think even your ex wants to disrupt his education regularly but Disney is often a once in a lifetime thing.

Give it up. It’s only two weeks of his life.

Don't pursue it, don't stop him.

What makes you think that your ex would want to make this a regular thing? Does he not value education?

If you applied for a PSO and he didn't go, would you ex go with the other children? Or would your son stay with you for two weeks, is this what you'd like? Are you having your son for a holiday or in the holidays for two weeks at a time?