Obsessive friend turned nasty

[Juliephine]

Hi all just a bit of advice....
I have a friend who has been wanting my daughter more and more including putting her hubby on her birth cert so as a friend in case anything happened to me (I know alarm bells legal rights etc)
Over the course of the last 12 months she has been making various comments to me about how to parent, making me feel inadequate, and i've taken it and taken it.
Final straw she accused me of being neglectful anf endangering my child because I fell asleep for an hour and my child managed to paint herself whilst I was asleep.
Then she said my child had worms great big ones so I went to the chemist just incase and got her meds
Then the next day she said oh well your child is small because she had such a large worm burden.
Now my girl had a lot of health issues as a baby and has had heart surgery she has now being discharged from all doctors as she is healthy and absolutely thriving. Sees dietitian every 6 months just for height and weight check but looking to discharge as shes gone from slightly less than 4th percentile to nearly pushing past 9th percentile
I went away and thought about everything this friend has said and has been saying... Long story short I ended up in tears and blurting everything out at nursery.
They said she has certainly NOT had worms she is happy and an absolute delight so kind and caring.
That the paint is 1 of those things it washes off and that I told them straight away also shows I have nothing to hide and am certainly not neglectingy child in anyway.

Sorry long story but said friend messages me saying why haven't I spoken to her last few days so managed to pluck up the courage to say well you have basically accused me of chid neglect and told me my daughter is small because of a massive worm burden.

Needless to say she didn't like it I wasn't rude just direct. So has been barraging me with texts telling me what a bad person and awful insecure mother I am that my child will end up with a negative and hostile view of the world because of me etc
I'm worried as a family member is also my landlord

What do all you guys think of this ?
Thanks

OP, don't think too much about people questioning how or why you put up with so much. Laid out here altogether in the manner you dud it is very easy to see that something is very wrong with this woman. You know that. It's why you posted.

But it is easy to see how someone manipulative enough could worm their way into a person's life. We tend to judge people by our own standards, so if we're not nuts, we tend to not assume everyone else is! If we're good kind people, we tend to think others are also good and kind, until the prove otherwise. Your friend has now proven otherwise and you have taken steps to remove yourself from her company.

Internet experts are perfect. At everything. Especially pointing out to people how pathetic they really are, and how they would never have done what you've done.

Ignore. I've yet to meet a perfect person in real life who hasn't struggled, or let something happen that with hindsight they wouldn't have gone near.

You sound like a very clued in woman. You're doing a good job with your young daughter and her nursery and health team are happy with her progress. That's all that matters. I think this woman won't give up without a real struggle and I think you do need to be more aware of your surroundings now. You seem to have a cool head on your shoulders and you'll be OK. But don't assume anything about this woman now. Don't assume she'll back off, or become "normal". If you feel you will have to leave, give your landlady notice, and you can outline that you need to move due to harrassment. Do everything by the book and there can be no come back.

Take care. You're very capable.

Thanks Julie it's my Halloween n/c but I can't be arsed changing it back

Just do a quick Google of your name without being signed into anything to see what comes up and check what others can see and change settings so nothing comes up. It doesn't sound like you are on things that give them a trail to follow.

I hope this thread has helped for you to see how completely fucked up the situation you are/were in and once you are on the other side of this I hope the experience has taught you to never again allow someone to exert their power or control over you.

Excellent post from TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre.

Is there somewhere nice where you’d like to live but you can still access your job, nursery etc? I think that to cut this string attaching you to this mad-woman’s world would be a very good thing.

I’d change the locks, I believe you can do that as long as you keep the barrels and change them back when you leave. I mean it, she could try to take your child now that you have realised.

I am by no means a little girl, and no means uneducated I have degrees, proff qualifications.

^I really find it hard to believe someone with degrees and professional qualifications would be taken in by this friend

@misspiggy19

When you are in a vunerable position and ALL your attention on is on your very sick child, it is very easy for this to happen.

Why would she suspect this woman to have ulterior motives (most people are nice), she was lovely and supportive to the OP in the beginning. When the red flags started to wave the OP recognised them and has taken the appropriate action.

You don't know how you would act in similar circumstances, when you are lost at sea in a storm, you will grab any liferaft.

I am by no means a little girl, and no means uneducated I have degrees, proff qualifications.*

I really find it hard to believe someone with degrees and professional qualifications would be taken in by this friend^

My DM is highly educated, with a first class honours at uni and now has a PhD. She nevertheless didn't know that her H and our F was sexually abusing my DSis and me right under her nose. Sadly intelligence doesn't mean that you can't have the wool pulled over your eyes.

@misspiggy19

I really find it hard to believe someone with degrees and professional qualifications would be taken in by this friend

I have a great education behind me, plus a degree and now own a successful business - I still had an abusive relationship with a master manipulator for much of my adult life.

If you don't think it's real then you can report it rather than potentially kicking someone when they're down.

I am glad you have documented the behavior.
Be aware that after the abuser says good bye they rarely ever actually leave you alone. Be prepared for a visit from whatever agency your harasser reported you to. Appeal to authority is usually the next step in this kind of abuse.

Please keep that card she sent to your daughter as well, it is evidence of her poor judgement (i'm being kind). No person in their right mind would ever think it is acceptable to send a card like that to a child about their parent.

I realize that abusive people seem "crazy" or mentally ill, but the truth is that most are not. The behavior is based on their world view. They are doing what works to get what they want. A sense of power and control.
This person has been getting what they wanted from the relationship for months.

I’d agree to the husband being on the birth certificate so you can apply for maintenance lol (I am kidding before you all pile on)....she how quick she backtracks!

I’d change the locks, I believe you can do that as long as you keep the barrels and change them back when you leave. I mean it, she could try to take your child now that you have realised

Gosh I hadn't thought of this @Likethebattle . She could even plant something in the home, maybe a spy camera or drugs (if she was really really unhinged, you never know, that's all I'm saying....)

@whatswrongwithhun I think we’ve definitely established she is seriously unhinged and now has anger driving her.

horrible situation to be in on so many levels. but at least you've got your thinking clear and are doing something positive about it.

Your ‘friend’ is a psycho, block her number and avoid

How are things going @Juliephine? I hope you got it sorted and are living in peace!

She wants you to put HER husband on YOUR child's birth certificate?! She sounds crazy!

@OopsISnappedAndFarted
Thank you yes all sorted been through a few weeks of irrate messages but I haven't risen to it and now i'm getting i'll always be there for you.
I will be looking for a new house in the new year as well.
Ironically since everything kicked off I have been sleeping and sleeping really well so its all been playing on my mind conscious and subconcious for some time.
My DD has only mentioned her a couple of times which I am happy with so she doesn't show any signs of missing her either.

I have told various family members what has happened and they have also been veey supportive even my dad said how last time we went out for dinner how controlling and overbaring she was and he noticed that as he hasn't seen her for quite a few months.

Thank you xx

@Juliephine that’s fantastic news. I’m so glad you’re happier and moving on! Good luck with the house hunting and well done you for being so strong xx

Res flags. Abort.

This is not a friend. Deffo underlying mental health issues there. Or some form of calculated plan for her tk gain controll over your child. Possibly shes struggled concieving, or cant have children for what ever reaons and hasnt disclosed this to you but some how wants a way to worm her way into having your child as her own (excuse the pun). I cant find any other logical reason as to why she’d even suggest her husbands name on your childs birth certificate? Either way, she sound dangerous. What decent friend would belittle you, accuse you, and try and manipulate you?

Get rid xx

@Niki93
Thank you , yes she has gone she wasn't always a mad hatter but its just got worse and worse. But I think ultimately she wanted my child through whatever means. Scary isn't it.

I am relieved to have her out of my life and hadn't realised how much she had effected me as it was gradual.

The only lose end is to move now which I will be looking at in new year.

Xx

@Juliephine onwards and upwards! You’re in the right to have addressed it. You’re not neglecting your child, you’re protecting her!

Dont ever let someone like that doubt you again. Definitely scary what some people are capable of. Especially how close you think some people are. You later realise their closeness is for their benefit. Her loss. You sound like you have a supportive network without her so, no skin off your nose! Xx

When you move, don't give her your new address.

Keep everything she has ever texted or written to you, including that horrible card for your DD.

If she finds you after you move, show it all to the police.

Best wishes.

@mathanxiety
I am keeping everything and it is one of the reasons I haven't blocked her just incase I need to go to the police.

Once I have moved I will block her completely and change my mobile number.

Her nursery are fully aware of the situation so there is no chance of her coming anywhere near my DD either.