Obsessive friend turned nasty

[Juliephine]

Hi all just a bit of advice....
I have a friend who has been wanting my daughter more and more including putting her hubby on her birth cert so as a friend in case anything happened to me (I know alarm bells legal rights etc)
Over the course of the last 12 months she has been making various comments to me about how to parent, making me feel inadequate, and i've taken it and taken it.
Final straw she accused me of being neglectful anf endangering my child because I fell asleep for an hour and my child managed to paint herself whilst I was asleep.
Then she said my child had worms great big ones so I went to the chemist just incase and got her meds
Then the next day she said oh well your child is small because she had such a large worm burden.
Now my girl had a lot of health issues as a baby and has had heart surgery she has now being discharged from all doctors as she is healthy and absolutely thriving. Sees dietitian every 6 months just for height and weight check but looking to discharge as shes gone from slightly less than 4th percentile to nearly pushing past 9th percentile
I went away and thought about everything this friend has said and has been saying... Long story short I ended up in tears and blurting everything out at nursery.
They said she has certainly NOT had worms she is happy and an absolute delight so kind and caring.
That the paint is 1 of those things it washes off and that I told them straight away also shows I have nothing to hide and am certainly not neglectingy child in anyway.

Sorry long story but said friend messages me saying why haven't I spoken to her last few days so managed to pluck up the courage to say well you have basically accused me of chid neglect and told me my daughter is small because of a massive worm burden.

Needless to say she didn't like it I wasn't rude just direct. So has been barraging me with texts telling me what a bad person and awful insecure mother I am that my child will end up with a negative and hostile view of the world because of me etc
I'm worried as a family member is also my landlord

What do all you guys think of this ?
Thanks

The worms diagnosis is ridiculous. I remember that problem from when I was a young child and it was horribly itchy. If your DD had worms you would soon know about it from your DD's complaints!

Agree to block her. I would also start looking for somewhere else to live asap so that she has no link to you and wont know where you live. Don't do anything else, don't speak to her, don't text her, just don't engage with her in any way. If she calls to the house don't let her in. I'd be wary of her sister giving her access to the house so you really are best to move.

her husband on the birth certificate

She's a total nut job with clear designs on your DD as her own. Block & run a mile

I think it's vital that you book an appointment with your HV and tell them everything. Ask for their support in terms of building your confidence as a parent, housing, personal boundaries.

Full disclosure will pre-empt any malicious complaints she may be considering.

@Juliephine

Blimey, this sounds like a plot from a Hallmark movies film 'I want your baby!' or something like that!

FFS ghost her, and delete her from your life, and block her from everywhere, she sounds dangerous!

And I'm sorry........ IS her husband's name is on YOUR child's birth certificate??? Or not. Because on post 1 you said he was, then by 5.50am you said he isn't? Which is is? And if it's NO he isn't, then why did you say he was on your first post?

She sounds batshit crazy.

But if you put her husbands name on your child's birth certificate then your batshit crazy too.

OP never said she put husbands name on birth cert. she said friend wanted her too.

Weird weird story. Her hubby names was on the birth certificate? Really strange. Get that off if possible and distance yourself from them

She sounds like she wants your child it's so creepy and scary! This is why I worry about making friends, you just never know how people are going to treat you - and I've been burned so many times , when you have kids you need to be even more cautious.

If she won't leave you alone tell social workers how she's bullying you and trying to damage your child. She was trying to make you give your child medication she didn't need! What the hell?

Look into moving away from her sisters house ASAP.

She is nuts and I’d be worried she’s trying to take your child, I mean her husband on the birth cert? Making out you are unfit? You say you aren’t vulnerable but you going along with things she’s saying like the worm thing, that’s pretty bizarre. I think most people will have told her to take a run and jump at that point never mind the birth cert. It’s good you have told nursery and contacted your health visitor, at least if she makes a malicious false report to ss they are already aware of this woman and her bizarre behaviour. If you can I’d be looking for new accommodation as soon as you can without losing money on your contract.

Get her blocked and stop engaging with her, she’s nuts.

OP, don't take offence at people saying you are vulnerable, because you have been. You had your baby on your own, your mum is gone and your DD has had health issues. Chuck in exhaustion, a bit of social isolation and all the other crap that comes with a first baby and EVERYONE is vulnerable! People like this are good at spotting the signs and they are insidious at weaving themselves into your life. Behaviour slips past because you like them, you trust them, you judge people by your own standards. It takes time to get a bit of breathing space where you stop reacting to their behaviour and start analysing it. You are doing that now and you are getting support, so well done. Don't feel bad but don't doubt this woman is grooming you to get your child. Block her, get support from a HV and make plans to get out of her sisters house. Good luck!

@eternallybaffled

OMG yeah you're right. I read it as she had put her friend's DH's name on her DD's birth certificate.

Now I read it again...

I have a friend who has been wanting my daughter more and more including putting her hubby on her birth cert so as a friend in case anything happened to me.

I can see what she meant now!

I guess it was an easy mistake to make, and loads of others did, but I see NOW that she is saying that this friend wanted this.

Sorry @Juliephine As you were.

And yep, get rid of this batshit woman!

Friend WANTED her husband on the birth certificate.
OP DID NOT put him on it. (RTFT)

juliephine I mean no offence here, but you sound vulnerable and she sounds dangerous. I know only what you have said, but the birth certificate thing, and coming up with medical issues (sounds a bit munchausens by proxy like as she has seen "symptoms" and insisited on medication) in addition to the abuse you are receiving, makes this "friend" sound like she could cause big problems for you.

You need to distance yourself, block her number and also, start looking for different accommodation - cut all ties, and start keeping a log of everything.

Don't worry about the paint, most mothers have stories like this. My dd got hold of a a permanent marker and drew all over herself

No worries .... @littlehappyhippo

Yes its what she said ... That was nothing to do with me !! And no I wouldn't and have not altered my daughters certificate in anyway since the day I registered her birth !!!!

I just wish i'd acted sooner but it has been going on for a while some things I chalked up to everyone deserves an opinion

But esp in last few months the creep factor has been increasing inc the hubby suggestion.

Yes its all true and yes you'd think i'd been cast in blockbuster 'hand that rocks the cradle job'

I just had one hell of a bumpy ride in undated with appointments etc plus I was really ill having her think blood pressure up treble figures both ways damage to my heart and liver etc and thats not wrong.

So yes initially really supportive etc worming her way in.

Do not fear after the non stop barrage of texts last night and this morning with oh what a horrible person I am what a b#tch etc yes there is no more contact.

I updated my daughters nursery this morning just incase any backlash you never know. And have mentioned that it may come back via sister to make me homeless but fore armed is forewarned and yes theres a full and legal binding tennancy agreement in place. So she'd have to give me 2 months notice legally to leave.

Thanks for everyones support xx

@littlehappyhippo thought I should clear that wee matter up! The many threads I've seen going off on a different tangent because a post has been read differently 🙃

@Juliephine
Your 'friend' seen an opening when you were at a very vulnerable point of your life. She has obviously got a bit of a hero complex- how kind others will view her when they see all she has done for you (🤮) But she has gone waaaaay too far and found it's easy to have you dance to her tune. Please surround yourself with other friends who will handhold whilst you remove this crazy woman from you and your daughters life x

She's very toxic.
Her husband on the birth certificate is she mental?!
What a complete weirdo OP.
It sounds like to me she is trying to take your child from you

Wow she sounds positively unhinged

Thanks @eternallybaffled

And thank you @Juliephine Sorry for my error. I think it was easy to make the mistake coz of how it was worded. Still, hopefully everyone else is clear now too.

@Clangus00 Calm down! I said I was mistaken, and many others made the same error!

@eternallybaffled thanks yes I have told other friends whats going on showed them messages and spoken to my family about it.
Also spoken to nursery and hv as they need to know whats going on incase of backlash.

Some people do creep in when you are on a low ebb and it is harder to spot until you really see it.

It goes to show I addressed it with you have upset me and have basically accused me of child neglect... I was very direct

She then turns nasty .... But I have had that before with a friend who the moment you say no and this is unacceptable they go batshit and really nasty towards you. Which is not rational.

If you were to say to me look you have upset me over xxx i'd look up and discuss it with you and appologise if I had upset you. Not go nuts

Julie, have you got any vital paperwork or can't-be-lost sentimental things? If so can you give them to someone who you trust (who is sane)?

I could see a situation where Batshit Crazy borrows a key from her sister and lets herself into your house.

A papertrail is an extremely good idea.

Its a standing joke at nursery how long dd will keep clean for she has more changes of clothes due to water paint and mud than any other child there !!
So her painting herself is nothing unusual i've been changing her bed ready for bedtime and in that minute she has got sudo and in process of putting it somewhere.
She's a muck monster

OP have you given a heads up to the sister? It may be worth doing so if she’s a more reasonable person.

I would also have a chat with police on 101 if you haven’t already done so. An official record of the issue may be something you need especially as your “friend” sounds like she has zero boundaries. It would be good to have that extra protection.

Does the nursery know never to release your DD to this friend? It sounds like they do but it’s worth making it clear to them.

I suspect this will ramp up before it gets better so stay safe & protect yourself and your DD. Health visitors are very good for signposting you other people so hope you get sorted soon.

@SeaEagleFeather I currently have import docs at solicitors as in process of setting up life insurance and a will. Dd to go to my brother job.
But when they are returned they will go in a safe place fear not !!
Xxx