Obsessive friend turned nasty

[Juliephine]

Hi all just a bit of advice....
I have a friend who has been wanting my daughter more and more including putting her hubby on her birth cert so as a friend in case anything happened to me (I know alarm bells legal rights etc)
Over the course of the last 12 months she has been making various comments to me about how to parent, making me feel inadequate, and i've taken it and taken it.
Final straw she accused me of being neglectful anf endangering my child because I fell asleep for an hour and my child managed to paint herself whilst I was asleep.
Then she said my child had worms great big ones so I went to the chemist just incase and got her meds
Then the next day she said oh well your child is small because she had such a large worm burden.
Now my girl had a lot of health issues as a baby and has had heart surgery she has now being discharged from all doctors as she is healthy and absolutely thriving. Sees dietitian every 6 months just for height and weight check but looking to discharge as shes gone from slightly less than 4th percentile to nearly pushing past 9th percentile
I went away and thought about everything this friend has said and has been saying... Long story short I ended up in tears and blurting everything out at nursery.
They said she has certainly NOT had worms she is happy and an absolute delight so kind and caring.
That the paint is 1 of those things it washes off and that I told them straight away also shows I have nothing to hide and am certainly not neglectingy child in anyway.

Sorry long story but said friend messages me saying why haven't I spoken to her last few days so managed to pluck up the courage to say well you have basically accused me of chid neglect and told me my daughter is small because of a massive worm burden.

Needless to say she didn't like it I wasn't rude just direct. So has been barraging me with texts telling me what a bad person and awful insecure mother I am that my child will end up with a negative and hostile view of the world because of me etc
I'm worried as a family member is also my landlord

What do all you guys think of this ?
Thanks

I think you should do the big move and leave the country and not tell her where you see going. Do it now whilst your DD is young-you will quickly make new friends and she will settle.

What's the sister like? Is she a reasonable person, does she know her sister is crazy? I'm glad everything is legally done, but never underestimate how these people think and work, she might start dripping poison into her sisters ear, I'd be tempted to go and say, look I'm looking for somewhere new. Don't pass on your address.

We also had a sudocreme incident. My, very capable, competent and trustworthy mother was minding my then 2 year old. My mother was in the kitchen having a cup of tea with a friend. So fully awake and conscious! My 2 year old was in the next room. Door open between the two rooms. My mother's friend was complementing my angelic 2 year old on how good she was and how quiet she was. My mother was bigging her up, saying she's not an ounce of bother.

Then she went to look to check her. She was covered head to toe in sudocreme, along with my mother's lovely, newly covered, fabric sofa.

Never trust a child who is "very quiet"

Op my child covered herself in chocolate one morning in bed when I fell asleep (from my nighttime breastfeeding stash)!!!

I echo all the above. Block and don't break, however manipulative she becomes. You sound like you have friends and family support. Align yourself with mummy friends with dc around the same age. Keep busy and enjoy being a mum. Hopefully in time you'll forget she ever existed

Also if she dies try and harass you via her sister being your LL there are lots of places you can seek support including local council and shelter

Good luck

Sounds like she has serious mental health issues. You sound venerable and she has picked up on this and is taking advantage. I would send her a message saying you are blocking her and tell her not to make any contact with you or you will call the police and get her done for harassment, screen shot the messages she has sent you so you have evidence of how crazy she is. Don’t have any contact with her. You have other friends that can help support you and your dd, you don’t need this crazy woman in your life.

You do sound vulnerable to this horrible woman. Well done for seeking help from nursery, stay away from her in future and hopefully you'll be offered professional support. Is there a surestart nearby? They can do sessions too.
It sounds like you're actually doing very well so ignore that toxic woman.

No matter how reasonable the sister seems, I’d be looking to move. You’d be able to relax more then, and any link with this ‘friend’ will be gone.

The birth certificate thing is very weird. It’s that that got me more than all the rest. Is this woman older than you? She sounds patronising and bullying, treating you like you don’t know anything.

Horrible as it is, ‘being nice’ can sometimes be the first step in trampling over your boundaries. You did nothing wrong to trust her. You now see what she’s really like. Think of that as a positive thing, and get her out of your and your DD’s life for good.

So glad that you have other mum friends and have family you can discuss this with. So you do have lots of support and you can block this loon fully. I agree with others in detailing all of this with a health visitor or GP because if/when she makes a malicious report to SS, you are already on record as raising this as a potential issue. Anyway, with the amount of medical intervention you’ve had, you have had lots of professionals in close proximity with your child, checking on them constantly and they would have picked up if anything was wrong. I am sorry that this leach happened upon you at a vulnerable time but take heart in the fact that they are hugely skilled in ingratiating themselves into your life!

It is something I am working on i'm often too kind for my own good worry if I say something I will upset someone

Yes she is older and it took me a while to realise it was control and bullying.

Your only mistake was in telling her about you falling asleep and her face painting. I've had an incident with sudocreme and on a couple of occasions they've cut each other's hair! (They were 7 and 4 then so not so young.)

Seriously, I would be very concerned about the reason she gave for you putting her DH's name on the bc. She's clearly trying to paint you as an unfit mother, at which point she can call SS on you.

Block her on everything, keep a diary of her actions towards you. She's stalking you and you should report her to the police. You need to have evidence to show them when you report her.

You need professional support to cut this woman out of your life. She is a vicious bully, quite possibly personality-disordered and, like many abusive people, has an instinct for those who are vulnerable, nervous and isolated. Talk to your health visitor and perhaps social services, possibly the police in due course: you may need a restraining order in place.

Thank you yes and you forget how emotionally draining it all is as your focus is only on the child. That now shes so happy and healthy to be honest her height is similar to other girls her age but is half their weight.

I know shes fine now and yes it put me in a vunrable position normally I would have seen and backed off but I was oh does she know more than me i'm I doing this wrong.
In fear that I was missing anything

But being told not to sit with my daughter when she asked again started me thinking wtf its lovely to be asked to join and play fast forward 18 years when they just grunt at you.

This woman sounds dangerous and from now on I’d steer well clear including not replying to anymore texts.
And another one here with both kids at various stages covered in sudocreme..
I remember the first time as I thought “ah this is nice , complete silence ..” then realised what that meant !
He’d covered every inch of himself and a huge area of carpet .
I then forgot to move the tub and he did it the again the next night 🤦‍♀️

I agree with PrimeraVez

None of this is remotely normal, and the fact that you even need to ask on a forum, screams to me that you are vulnerable and confused.

Please seek help from your HV. Block this nasty woman and if she doesn't leave you alone speak to Police.

In a very sinister way, it sounds to me like she was trying to get you to believe that you were an inadequate mother, that you would think about giving your daughter up, and that custody may go to her DH as he is named as the father on the birth cert. Sounds like the plot of a film!

If this is real I really can't understand why a parent would associate with someone this bad, whether it's being 'too nice' is debatable quite honestly. Being too nice is one thing but putting your own child second to another person's feelings , or not wanting to rock the boat to please someone else so you don't get 'in trouble' is actually really wrong.

I find some people who want to please everyone are actually quite selfish as they like the feeling of that person being grateful, or needing them. So it still feels their ego if you see what I mean.

This whole thing is ridiculous

She is a problem. Please document everything she says from now on. If she makes anymore health allegations make sure you tell your HV or GP so there is a record that you addressed her allegations with a health professional.

DS2 drew cat’s whiskers on himself with a sharpie.

My kids (between them or on their own at various points) have got covered in sudocream, suncream, red finger paint, vaseline, hand wash, all my makeup and all my toiletries, and some fabulous glitter nail polish. Very nearly some veet hair removal cream once too. They always somehow manage to find my tampons and cause havoc with those too. It happens

If I were you I'd look into renting elsewhere then do a moonlight flit.Block her on everything.

@MrsElijahMikaelson1I really think telling the OP, who is clearly a good but vulnerable person, to "leave the country" is a very inappropriate thing to say...

I think you need to move asap and ignore this woman from now on. She sounds manipulative and obsessive. Surely you don't have to leave the country? Or are you talking about moving to Wales or Scotland?
You sound eminently sensible and thank goodness you've realised how crazy this woman is.

She sounds like she may have munchousens by proxy (don’t think I’ve spelt it right)
🤣
This thread is batshit crazy.

I think feeding the OPs paranoia is far more dangerous than a dodgy friend who suggests the kid has worms.

Just block her OP and walk away. Leave the drama behind.

She's not your friend.

Apologies, I meant county (not country) as the OP had mentioned that, not me “It has made me re think things and think about moving. But for me it wouldn't end up being a small move but a large change of county one.”

sorry for the typo @theDudesmummy but jumping on other people who are trying to help is also not very appropriate...

Block her. She's batshit.

Please stop calling her a friend. She isn't one now. Also, I am prone to huge parenting doubts and I have had to become very careful about who I share them with, because not everyone hears things in the same way that I might be saying them. The falling asleep and paint story is a funny one that you will (or I hope you will) look back on and laugh! Worms can only be diagnosed as far as I'm aware by looking up someone's back passage so unless she's done that (please don't let her do that) tell her to jog on. Find different friends or don't have friends. No one needs 'friends' like that.