Obsessive friend turned nasty

[Juliephine]

Hi all just a bit of advice....
I have a friend who has been wanting my daughter more and more including putting her hubby on her birth cert so as a friend in case anything happened to me (I know alarm bells legal rights etc)
Over the course of the last 12 months she has been making various comments to me about how to parent, making me feel inadequate, and i've taken it and taken it.
Final straw she accused me of being neglectful anf endangering my child because I fell asleep for an hour and my child managed to paint herself whilst I was asleep.
Then she said my child had worms great big ones so I went to the chemist just incase and got her meds
Then the next day she said oh well your child is small because she had such a large worm burden.
Now my girl had a lot of health issues as a baby and has had heart surgery she has now being discharged from all doctors as she is healthy and absolutely thriving. Sees dietitian every 6 months just for height and weight check but looking to discharge as shes gone from slightly less than 4th percentile to nearly pushing past 9th percentile
I went away and thought about everything this friend has said and has been saying... Long story short I ended up in tears and blurting everything out at nursery.
They said she has certainly NOT had worms she is happy and an absolute delight so kind and caring.
That the paint is 1 of those things it washes off and that I told them straight away also shows I have nothing to hide and am certainly not neglectingy child in anyway.

Sorry long story but said friend messages me saying why haven't I spoken to her last few days so managed to pluck up the courage to say well you have basically accused me of chid neglect and told me my daughter is small because of a massive worm burden.

Needless to say she didn't like it I wasn't rude just direct. So has been barraging me with texts telling me what a bad person and awful insecure mother I am that my child will end up with a negative and hostile view of the world because of me etc
I'm worried as a family member is also my landlord

What do all you guys think of this ?
Thanks

My health visitor has been contacted.

Please don't think i'm vunrable or stupid I lost my mum decades ago so was happy to listen and appreciated the help originally and this all has been happening steadily but increasing in frequency over the last 12 months.

Recently its been getting more and more subtle but very manipulative and underminning. My alarm bells started ringing very loudly. Hence why I said to her you do realise you have accused me of neglect etc.

When I called her on it shes got nasty.

I have spoken to the nursery and also my family about it my relation said I am such a laid back kind person and I don',t like confrunting people that I ignored some of the control aspect of her but even he didn't realise how deep that had gone.

She sounds toxic and you sound vunerable. You need to put her in her place and perhaps get in touch with a health visitor or a social worker.

Nobody would be dragging me to a che.ist to get medicine for MY child! Why is she changing your child? Is she changing her? Nobody changes my kids apart from me and their dad unless a grandparent babysits. None of my friends have ever changed them. I wouldn't be letting her look after her if I was you.

You need to find other people to socialise with. If it is possible get planning to move and start a fresh.

Remain calm but firm. Examples.... I am her mother I decide what's best.... My child is well loved and looked after. No I am not neglectful toddlers will get into mischief at times.

I met a nurse once who did a night shift, went home, took her child to a park, softplay etc. Came home about 11 and would let her 2.5 year old play in the living room whilst she dosed on the sofa.

It's always best to strap them in somewhere if you feel your eyes getting heavy. Or at least go lay on your bed and shut the bedroom door and let the child play on the bed etc. Even when I am awake my kids are sneaky

You need better people around you

Oh OP she is absolutely batsh*t crazy. She's seen an opportunity to manipulate your vulnerabilities to her own ends. You have absolutely not dropped the ball - people like this start out convincingly nice and their demands increase little by little so that by the time they reach the utterly bizarre its only a small step from the last demand. As your landlord is the sister, (forgive me if I've got wrong end of the stick here but I think the sister was with batty when she frogmarched you're to chemist for something you didn't need) there is every possibility that these demands will start coming through the sister. Do you have any family who could help out? How able are you to find a new place to live? (Sorry that sounds really patronising- whether you moved in through convenience but can look elsewhere will make a big difference to this is the only place and I'm stuck here!). I would also recommend speaking to Children Social Care. Ask for "early help and support," this is NOT safeguarding, it's an opportunity to get a key worker involved early and if, A's is likely, she decides to go down the neglect route they'll laugh her out of the office and be able to support you at the same time. You've not dropped any balls OP, you're doing a fab job and have recognised this nasty piece of work for what she is. Keep doing what you're doing and get a bit of extra support x

Thats why I have spoken to the nursery and asked for health visitor referal.

Due to my daughters health conditions as a baby she has seen a lot of professionals over a long period and this is probably why I allowed my friend into my life as I was worried that I was doing things correctly and was nice to have a friend to talk to.

So yes I think with everything I went through inc watching my chil being resusitated left me insecure that I was doing everything ok and this friend picked up on that and thd post is the outcome when I have said no more.

There has never been any concern over me, my parenting or any of my abilities to look after my child. Take your pick doctor, health visitor, midwife, physio etc

You must get this logged somewhere.

People like her DONT stop

She'll prob make up malicious calls to social services next

Please log with 101, please block her and NEVER EVER have contact again

I had a similar "friend"

Nearly destroyed me

Thanks ... Sudo is a pain to get off them too !!

Explain all this to your doctor ,get it put on your child’s record .
That woman wants your child ,she also wants to make your life difficult.try to reach out to other mums in your area ,try to get to playgroups to make mum friends ,this will increase your confidence to stand up to her ,you need other friends
You also need to move .get down to the council,explaining this situation,with a child who’s been ill you might be bumped up the list .

Thank you it is hard because they come in a 'nice helpful package'
I have had it all documented now and I did that before I sent her any messages as I thought that the moment you do confrunt people that have shown behaviour like hers they can turn nasty.
As a last sting in the tail that you are the evil one, how dare you. So I thought if she goes after me as i've upset her it would be social services as i'm a neglectful mother !!

Thank you I have spoken to mum friends and they have been so supportive. My DD is going for softplay with their DS at the weekend.
They can't believe all this has happened so I have got some support around me.

Your friend is an nutter!!!

Block her and move away. She's absolutely nuts.

Bless you. We all would need a friend in that situation and you are not at fault here. You do need to get her out your life if you can and get yourself covered. She sounds like a big head on a power trip. X

You need to cut her out ASAP, with friends like that who needs enemies? She is trying to sabotage your relationship with your child and your self confidence, she sounds like a very very dangerous woman indeed, what on earth are you doing letting her within 10 metres of you?
Can you get counselling to work out why your boundaries are so poor?

Presumably you don’t live with her sister? You just rent her house? I would block your ‘friend’s’ number, you need to be super firm.

Thank you ... Yes I put my hand up I had a snooze I was actually trying to get my dd to have one we having a cuddle she was drifting and oops yes I fell asleep she woke up and decided to 'play' anything harmful to a toddler is locked up safely out of reach for example my bleach.

I only went to the chemist as I won't take any chances but my brain was saying hang on you haven't seen any at any time shes had her this morning on 1 poo. My science brain said yoy would have seen evidence they pop out and wave at you early on if they have been contracted. They look up at you from a poo also waving !
I just did the oh crap that needs to be sorted side rather than let my science brain tell me wtf !! But it did and then I felt stupid

I rent the house off the sister and husband.

It has a fully legal contract deposit in scheme etc.

Yes she could make my life difficult but I have heard her talking shes afraid of any legal reprocussions from tennants even when tennant didn't move out on time she didn't force issue.

But yes it has concerned me ... But if she decides she wants me out then she would have to go down the 2 month notice route

It has made me re think things and think about moving. But for me it wouldn't end up being a small move but a large change of county one.

You should move.

Get as far away as possible.

How far do you live from your own family?

Block her, go nc with etc. If she harasses you, make a note of everything so you have proof. The accusations are vile. I’m sure you are doing fine as a mum.

Find new friends!

Honestly, why do you even need to ask for advice?

dd2 did it with sudocream Mine too, and she coated the furniture, it was a bastard to get off! She has managed to get to her teens without any adverse affects though. I would block your 'friend'. She sounds unhinged!

I think you are completely blameless in all this, OP. For a start it's be interesting to hear from any mother or father who hasn't fallen asleep on the couch when children were small. Also a helpful friend is a good thing to have and sometimes we let strange suggestions slide thinking we've misinterpreted, or they're really trying to help etc. It's only when things become very obviously crazy that we tend to see what's actually happening.

You have done everything right. Limit your contact with this woman now. Make sure nursery know not to hand your daughter over to anyone but you, unless otherwise specifically agreed by you.

You shouldn't move, yet. You have done nothing wrong. Let this play out for a little while and see where it goes. Your contract is with your landlady and seems like she wants things done properly so you might be safe enough there.

I would block your friend's number now and just don't engage. Nothing you do or say to her will help this situation! She will not see your point and suddenly realise she's being a nut. Just don't contact her, don't give her opportunity to contact you and completely ignore all attempts at contact. Print them out and then delete or archive if you want to keep proof. But never engage.

You can't reason with unreasonable people.

Document everything, screenshot all messages. It sounds like social services will receive a malicious phone call from her.
Start making plans to move, cut all contact with her. Shes dangerous.

You do sound vulnerable, and possibly have difficulties with your boundaries, I can't see many people putting up with a so called friend like this. Be prepared for her to up the ante.

She sounds like she may have munchousens by proxy (don’t think I’ve spelt it right).
You sound like a very responsible lady (from your first comment I knew you thought the idea of her dh’s name on bc was crazy) and you do not deserve this.
If her sister is the landlord then she would be pretty irresponsible to get rid of a good tenant. She must know what her sister is like.
Ps have you not seen the photos on the internet of what children get left up to when left alone! Make up everywhere, drawings on the wall, covering themselves in flour. That’s what kids do. Walking off to the local main road would have been dangerous - a bit of paint - fine!

Thank you xx

Why would you have to move to a different county if you move out? Can't you just look into other rental properties that are more local?