Obsessive friend turned nasty

[Juliephine]

Hi all just a bit of advice....
I have a friend who has been wanting my daughter more and more including putting her hubby on her birth cert so as a friend in case anything happened to me (I know alarm bells legal rights etc)
Over the course of the last 12 months she has been making various comments to me about how to parent, making me feel inadequate, and i've taken it and taken it.
Final straw she accused me of being neglectful anf endangering my child because I fell asleep for an hour and my child managed to paint herself whilst I was asleep.
Then she said my child had worms great big ones so I went to the chemist just incase and got her meds
Then the next day she said oh well your child is small because she had such a large worm burden.
Now my girl had a lot of health issues as a baby and has had heart surgery she has now being discharged from all doctors as she is healthy and absolutely thriving. Sees dietitian every 6 months just for height and weight check but looking to discharge as shes gone from slightly less than 4th percentile to nearly pushing past 9th percentile
I went away and thought about everything this friend has said and has been saying... Long story short I ended up in tears and blurting everything out at nursery.
They said she has certainly NOT had worms she is happy and an absolute delight so kind and caring.
That the paint is 1 of those things it washes off and that I told them straight away also shows I have nothing to hide and am certainly not neglectingy child in anyway.

Sorry long story but said friend messages me saying why haven't I spoken to her last few days so managed to pluck up the courage to say well you have basically accused me of chid neglect and told me my daughter is small because of a massive worm burden.

Needless to say she didn't like it I wasn't rude just direct. So has been barraging me with texts telling me what a bad person and awful insecure mother I am that my child will end up with a negative and hostile view of the world because of me etc
I'm worried as a family member is also my landlord

What do all you guys think of this ?
Thanks

The sister would have to be very invested to chuck you out, the rental market is very flat at the moment.

As far as the worms go - you're right she probably didn't have them, but they wouldn't have affected her weight and in any case, DD had them recently and I was looking at the patient information leaflet - 40 per cent of children under the age of 10 have them at any one time! They're rife! So certainly not any sort of thing your health visitor will care about...

That’s no friend, she sounds unhinged.
Get rid and block.

Up here properties stay empty for a long time and a lot for sale end up at auction.
There is also massive problems with knotweed effecting sales etc.
I pay my rent in full ontime each month.
So yes not in her best interest to get rid of me. But you never know with people.

She has had at times a few of her properties empty for months.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Find a new place, move out, don't tell her where it is. Cut contact. Never talk to her again. Call the police if she continues harassing you.

You don't seem to accept that you have been incredibly vulnerable here. Which makes this 10x worse than if you had. So you haven't been vulnerable... she is your child. Why would you blindly buy medication without checking yourself? Why are you letting someone entertain the idea of putting their husband on the birth cert of your child? Why are you letting her have access to her? Why are you listening to her and all the spiteful things she's saying?

You need to sort things out right now or I guarantee you'll end up losing your child. People like this won't stop and whether you've been vulnerable or just massively off the ball- it doesn't matter. If you don't step up that's what will happen.

@Longtalljosie thank you
I think it was her way at undermining me guess what you haven't noticed etc and control. I check her regularly myself and even nursery said no she didn't have them.
I know children are prone to picking up little friends.
I can be so over cautious that yes I did get her medication. Better safe

She sounds bonkers. I think you’re doing the right thing in distancing yourself and making others aware of her behaviour.

I wouldn’t panic about it, but if moving is an option for you I’d start looking around for a new place. Not because the sister is likely to throw you out, but more for your own peace of mind, and so the bonkers woman won’t have your address any more. No need to mention that you’re looking to anyone, until you have found a place and are ready to give notice to your landlady.

We all have vulnerable times in our lives, and it sounds as if you have had the misfortune to attract a loon during yours. However, now you see this for what it is, you can begin to extract yourself from this situation.

@PepePig
I certainly didn't entertain the idea I mentioned it on op because that is something that was suggested as part of the course of things that went on.
I am not 10x vunrable I am guilty of allowing someone I thought was a friend who then over time built her way into my life.
You try sitting by the bedside of a child month after month not knowing if she will live.
You watch her get resusitated
You watch as her lungs collapse and go into heart failure
You as a mother nearly die having her as your body is shutting down
And tell me that someone slowly coming in offering great support and kindness that you don't open up to and think oh shes supportive.
I spent the next 18 months with a hospital appointments hv etc support.
So before you state things about someone please edit what you are saying and think.

I am by no means a little girl, and no means uneducated I have degrees, proff qualifications.

I spotted what was going on slowly and it reached a head firstly with hubby suggestion then everything else which is why I posted asking what others think.

oh wow OP shes batshit. please move house. She will not stop

you sound like a lovely mum and only doing whats best for your child.

But seriously, move. Get a restraining order.

@carly2803 thanks I will be I won't take any risks and will be starting to look.... At areas and properties to move to
Xx
Big learning curve

Fucking he'll fire OP, this is like something out of a stalker movie. WHY are you even speaking to this total weirdo?!

I have managed to now .... She even posted a card thru my door for dd stating how much she loves her and how bad I am.

So she said she won't ever contact me again

I personally wouldn't give the sister time to give you notice.

I'd quietly start looking for somewhere else. Don't tell anyone as that gives you time to find something you like at a similar price to what you are paying now but without exf finding out and getting the sister to give notice (and then anonymously calling ss to say your going to be homeless)

Once you find somewhere and got your deposit back! (Take photos and videos of every part of the house so you have evidence in case they try to withhold deposit) then you can completely cut ties and block for the final time and start your new life without toxic people in it!
Oh and lock down all social media and public anything to stop her/her family friends using it for information about you!

OP, you clearly are vulnerable because of those things. What this woman has been doing is insane. You really shouldn't have to ask a forum that. Just because someone is supportive it doesn't mean you take their word as gospel. It doesn't mean you continue being friendly with them when they're being nasty and manipulative. You're putting your DD in danger by doing that.

Honestly, you don't know this woman that well. You don't know her history, or her husband's history. You don't know what they're hiding. But they are trying to take your child from you. So actually do something about it.

Why you'd even stay in the house her sister rents after this is beyond me. Blood is thicker than water. It's almost as if you're waiting for more things to happen. You don't seem proactive at all- just justifying why you were friendly with her. Her sister's loyalty lies with her, not you.

@ginky love the name.
I had a little look this morning. I don't use facebook or instagram anyway.
I will make it a big move so out of area completely.
I don't need toxic people

Sorry OP but you need to move to completely cut all links with her otherwise you'll forever be looking over your shoulder. Her motives are sinister and she won't give up on her plans easily.

Juliephine
Please contact Paladin stalking services today and get some advice and support. Write everything down in an incident diary.
paladinservice.co.uk/contact-links/

And read this;
Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
tinyurl.com/GiftoFear

She put a card through your door, addressed to your daughter, saying how bad you were?

What on earth OP, why do you even entertain this from her?? Obviously shes mad so really who cares what she's saying- why on earth are you giving your DD medical treatment for worms on this woman's say so, how does she know? Goodness me, you have allowed her far to much influence here and now is the time to take it back and remove her from your life.

I would report her to the police with a view to get a restraining order re: her contact with your daughter- keep the card and show them that and any messages from her about putting her husbands name on the BC, compile evidence OP because she sounds like she will go to social services with this.

I think I'd look to move also.

Dear god! Your title is so wrong, she's not a friend at all!

Keep well away.

I'd be really worried, in a non jokey way, I'd be paranoid she was planning to have me killed off.
Please be careful we never think we will experience a RL psycho, many have.

You sound like a great mother. Do not doubt yourself in that, even when you are feeling low and vulnerable. You can feel stressed and vulnerable and still be a great mother - which you are!
It's especially hurtful because she stealthily gained your trust by her love-bombing behaviour at a time when you were distracted and vulnerable attending to your sick child. Your friend's behaviour sounds typical of that type of person.
They want to be friends with children because children don't judge them. They also use children to emotionally manipulate their parents just like she is trying to do. You can't fix her, all you can do is put up a Boundary for yourself which you have done exactly right. By being direct and saying as little as possible.
Your friend has huge trust issues herself so latches on to people and gets their approval by providing this overwhelming support. You will get this swiveling to extremes - extreme love-bombing then the extreme nastiness when someone disagrees with them, even something really small that wouldn't bother anyone else.
They also then want to get revenge by going to extreme ends to prove that they were 'right'. Because they can't accept being disagreed with or let go of their notions. Their sense of self is dependent on this so they fight tooth and nail to prove their own warped views - often by 'reporting' someone to whoever will listen.
Thankfully this comes across as batshit lies in most cases. But it can also be damaging and undermining as has happened to you.
What also happens with these people is if they find someone else to direct their anger at, she might suddenly 'switch' back to being all nicey nicey to you and forget/deny she was any other way. So be very very wary of her in the future.

Shes a bitch. Sounds v insecure and jealous.
Shes taking advantage of your niceness and vulnerability.
Cut all ties with her asap.

Ok. She is nutsy. Keep that card as evidence and I would seriously consider seeing if you have a local police officer or PCSO that you could contact for some advice.

You are right to move. I’m sorry that you’re having to though.

When my eldest (now 19 and at uni) she managed to paint herself completely whilst sat at a table next to the dishwasher that I was unstacking! I was focused on the dishwasher and it couldn't have been more than 5 minutes and she was within 5ft of me! So whatever you do don't worry. By the time I got to child number 4 I would regularly clear a room of all obstacles, barricade all doors and doze with her whilst watching pepper pig. So stop worrying about anything. You sound fantastic! Oh and picture of her covered in paint looking extremely proud of herself still has pride of place on the mantle piece!

opps - supposed to have read when my eldest was 18 months