To not want my daughter to have a bottle!

[renniks]

Long story short my DD is nearly 5 years old. She was a nite mare when younger for a bottle I managed to fully get her off them at home just after she turned 3. However when she goes to MIL and SIL for sleepover they still give her a bottle!

I've told them numerous times she doesn't need a baby bottle at this age but it falls on deaf ears.

AIBU to not want my almost 5 year old to be drinking out of a baby's bottle

Well yanbu but it won't do much damage occasionally. Don't sweat the small stuff.

At 5 she should not be having a bottle. You need to work on your DD that bottles are for babies and that she is a big girl who can manage very well with a cup.

No of course you're not being unreasonable, it's your choice. Is it the bottle itself you object to (as a receptacle) or the contents? Or both?

If you're happy for her to have milk (or whatever is in the bottle) can you just provide an alternative cup for her when she goes and ensure your DD know this is her special cup for her night time drink?

She manages just fine at home with a cup it's when she stays out they give her bottles when she asks for a drink even tho I send her own water bottle with straw

@FlashingLights101 it's the bottle itself I don't think at almost 5 she should be having a baby's bottle something I struggled for months to wean her off but they seem to think it's ok because MIL's children had bottles and dummy's untill almost 6

Unless they are filling it with Ribena or similar and leaving her to go to sleep with it I would let it go. I’m presuming they don’t force it on her?
If you feel it’s being offered to undermine you why is she even there?

I come from a family of late users of dummies and bottles (brother now CEO of a bank!) we are all fine.

it's the bottle itself

In which case, I would take your DD out to buy a really special cup of her choice and make sure she uses it at your house every evening so that it's part of her routine. It'll be your DD who then says she prefers to have her own cup. I imagine at 5, she can tell Granny she'd prefer her special cup.

Personally I would be telling MIL and SIL that she won't be coming to any more sleepovers until they respect your wishes and stop treating her like a baby by giving her bottles

She does use her big girl cups here all have lids with straws.
It is to undermine me, as soon as we get there if we are visiting it's do you want a 'bocky tea' me can you put it in a cup please.

She slept at SIL last weekend when she came home she said 'auntie gave me a bottle for bed but she said don't tell mommy' I mentioned it to SIL she just laughed...

Maybe I'm over reacting I just thought as her mom it should be my way or no way

YANBU. I'd also be pissed off at "don't tell mommy". I had to have words with PILs about this. People shouldn't be encouraging young children to keep certain behaviours secret from their parents, it could lead to huge safeguarding issues.

Definitely agree with PP that she doesn’t have sleep overs until they get rid of the bottle.

I think its totally undermining you and i would be livid. Are they going to do this in other areas when your dd gets older! Your right when you say its your way or no way! Stop her going until they understand that!

I would feel the exact same as you. She's your child therefore anyone who minds her needs to follow your rules and not undermine you

She does use her big girl cups here all have lids with straws.

I may be misunderstanding, but do you mean she's still using sippy cups at nearly 5? I agree with a PP - let her choose her own special (adult style open topped) mug. Apart from anything else, schools usually use open topped beakers at lunchtimes and if she isn't used to drinking out of one and spills water over herself she's going to feel massively embarrassed.

As for the grandparents, show up with a nice mug (chosen by your DD) and say very firmly "DD is way too old for bottles, so she's chosen this instead. Please don't give her any more bottles."

I would NEVER let my child spend time with someone who told them to do something but "don't tell mommy." That's a dangerous and evil thing to set up as a dynamic with a child.

Did you ask why they are giving it? I have DNs who tantrum for things at grandparents’ house that they wouldn’t dare to do at home. Also, at 5 your dd is old enough to say no if she really didn’t want something, so I’m betting she is asking or the bottle.

Stop sending her no point asking them not to because they are going to she is 5 years old and having a baby bottle and they are.basically saying we are going to do what we want stand up to them.

Thanks for all advice at least ino I'm not being unreasonable!

@BarbaraStrozzi she is more than capable of using an actual mug and glass, I just choose to send her to in laws with something as an alternative to a bottle but which also cannot be spilled over(incase that's there issue) but they still choose to give her a baby bottle to drink from and to go to bed with

Yanbu.

What @Endeavour1971 and @braw said.

5 is a ridiculous age to have a bottle and your wishes aren't being respected. The 'don't tell mummy' thing is just awful too. I'd stop the sleep overs / visits. Sounds drastic but they really don't have her best interests at heart.

"Don't tell mommy" is more concerning than the bottle to me.
Yes it's all innocent now, but what if it wasn't. What if DD didn't tell you and there started being other things she wasn't allowed to tell you, or was 'our little secret'.

I'd be putting a stop to sleep overs.
And I'd not let them see her until they agree to stop using the word 'bocky'

@AmIThough my thoughts exactly! Being secretive about having a bottle is one thing but it could not be so small the next time somebody tells her 'don't tell mommy'

I just had to post here because they make out it's no big deal, even in front of DD

I would absolutely stop sleepovers. How ridiculous to be encouraging children to keep secrets from their parents.

I would explain exactly why I was stopping sleepovers. I’d make clear that undermining is not on, but is not as serious as making your DD vulnerable to abuse etc by encouraging secrets.

No more sleepovers imo. They are taking the piss about how you choose to raise your dd.

Ah that's fine - so long as she can if she needs to (I used straws a lot with DS because it was the one way I could get him to finish drinks).

And I agree the most worrying aspect of this is the "don't tell" bit.

When you drop her off, go into the kitchen and take/dispose of all the bottles. She doesn't need them, you don't want them, job done.