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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my daughter to have a bottle!

93 replies

renniks · 12/11/2019 09:34

Long story short my DD is nearly 5 years old. She was a nite mare when younger for a bottle I managed to fully get her off them at home just after she turned 3. However when she goes to MIL and SIL for sleepover they still give her a bottle!

I've told them numerous times she doesn't need a baby bottle at this age but it falls on deaf ears.

AIBU to not want my almost 5 year old to be drinking out of a baby's bottle

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 12/11/2019 10:25

It is really bad for her teeth if she is going to bed with it the acid just eats away at them.

Mrsjayy · 12/11/2019 10:26

Is her dad onboard with her not having them maybe he should be saying to them as well as you show a united front.

FacebookRager · 12/11/2019 10:28

"Don't tell mummy" would 100% cement the fact that my child would never be sleeping at theirs again.

Just one thing though, why the cups with lids and bottles with straws? I can't imagine a primary aged child needing toddler bottles any more. Mine have sports bottles for water for school as per school rules but that's it. It's glasses and beakers the rest of the time.

And I would go nuts of someone gave my primary aged child a baby bottle!

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 12/11/2019 10:29

how many bottles do they have...surely not an endless supply. I'd misappropriate them or break them.

surely they won't be arsed to replace them.

Joerev · 12/11/2019 10:32

Ooooh. I know this. My daughter had a dummy. But at 10 months. She gave it up. He was prem and they like to give dummies to help them learn to suck

She was about 3....when MIL and my mother both gave her a dummy!!! Why?!?! No idea. No bloody clue

She was 7!!!!! 7 when I got her to give it up!!!

FacebookRager · 12/11/2019 10:36

Why do people do that? I mean, what's next? Putting her back in nappies? Slipping a dummy in her mouth?

Bottles and other drinks overnight should not be a thing anyway. Anything other than water will rot her little teeth! My DH's cousin used to give her children bottles day and night until they were at least 6. It was usually diluting juice or tea with sugar in. All three kids eventually had to have their mostly black rotten teeth removed and she used the excuse that they had a problem with their enamel and it was just unfortunate (yeah it was fucking rotted off).
Say fuck no to any more sleepovers and tell them clearly why.

SarahAndQuack · 12/11/2019 10:37

Don't tell mummy is the issue, I agree.

You may not want to compromise at all (but obviously, sometimes we do, even with relatives who are being a bit crap). If you want to facilitate things, would it be possible to use the transition from lidded toddler cups to normal ones as a way of getting MIL/SIL to fall in? Eg. by saying to your MIL you're really struggling with this, and could she help by encouraging DD to use this special new cup?

I don't know if that would work with your MIL, but mine is sometimes flattered by being asked to help and will fall in with that when she wouldn't otherwise want to do it.

If that won't work I would be saying quite flatly that this is a problem and there are health concerns here. DD was a right nightmare to get off bottles and I would have been livid about someone casually reversing all that effort!

lippi · 12/11/2019 10:37

Stop letting your dd visit them until they treat her how you wish her to be treated. They can only get away with this while you leave your dd with them unattended.

If they offer her baby bottles in your company laugh and say " silly granny/aunty needs her head checked offering you a baby bottle".

They only have control of this if you give it to them.

PumpkinP · 12/11/2019 10:40

I have a 5 year old and there is no way I would let anyone give him a bottle (he never had one anyway so probably wouldn’t want one) but it is very weird and I think they are wrong for ignoring you.

Original poster

renniks · 12/11/2019 10:40

SIL lives next door to MIL and she has 2 kids oldest is 2 youngest 8 weeks hence why MIL has bottles round her house for the younger GC. Yes my bf and DDs dad also tells them no bottles but again falls on deaf ears because we're not there to see her have them they think she wouldn't tell us. If they offer her a bottle whilst we are there it's an immediate no mainly from him.

@Joerev omg 7!!! I would hate that, I have no idea why they just seem to think they know best

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 12/11/2019 10:42

Ewww! She's using the same bottles for your DD as for someone else's baby/toddler?!

That's revolting.

I know you sterilise for a baby but ... wow, that's grim.

SarahAndQuack · 12/11/2019 10:43

Ask her if they share toothbrushes as well (and a toothbrush is in your mouth a lot less long than a bottle teat).

Original poster

renniks · 12/11/2019 10:43

Thanks a lot for your support now I know it's not in my head and it is disgusting behaviour on there part I will be putting my foot down with sleepovers until they can understand my daughter my rules. I would never undermine another parents rules. I don't think I'm being mean saying she cannot have one, she's in reception I just find it strange they seem to think it's normal

OP posts:

greeentopmilk · 12/11/2019 10:43

Just one thing though, why the cups with lids and bottles with straws? I can't imagine a primary aged child needing toddler bottles any more.*

Mine use them because they're too clumsy and spill the entire contents everywhere or leave them in stupid places for the baby to grab hold of. Until they can be trusted or everyone in the house is old enough not to spill things, the straw cups are going nowhere.

Original poster

renniks · 12/11/2019 10:44

@SarahAndQuack THANKYOU! One child is ill they share bottles and they're all ill! MIL did this with her eldest GC when his parents decided he was too old for a dummy or 'nummer' as she called it she still had them at her house and gave them him when he visited her house for the weekend.

OP posts:

Thestrangestthing · 12/11/2019 10:45

I wouldn't be happy about the don't tell mummy comment, but I jdont see a problem with the bottle, maybe it's just a wee comfort for her while she's not at home.

Inertia · 12/11/2019 10:46

I'd stop the sleepovers because they are encouraging your child to lie and keep secrets from you.

EntropyRising · 12/11/2019 10:48

Ewww! She's using the same bottles for your DD as for someone else's baby/toddler?!

What on earth is wrong with this?

I could have written your post. My MIL was infuriating in this respect, she had my kids on bottles far too long when at her house, but I was weak and let it go. She's a good MIL and good grandmother in general.

I'm pathetic

Straycatstrut · 12/11/2019 10:48

I'm a single mum and my boys main parent/person of trust. If anyone said "don't tell mummy" my eldest (7) would tell me because he'd feel so damn guilty, and I'd be stopping contact until there were genuine apologies.

Bottle thing wouldn't fuss me at all, she's only 3 - I'd just keep it for bedtimes or settling down times (obviously your choice if you want a full blanket ban). My 3 year old has had his dad walking out on him, his mum having a breakdown in front of him, and is currently having to have multiple surgeries with big recovery periods stopping him doing so many things he loves. I'll not be taking away his comfort blanket and dummy away from him any time soon.

Ragwort · 12/11/2019 10:51

That would infuriate me, I have a totally irrational hatred of bottles for any baby/child over the age of one, at that age (assuming no SN) all toddlers can drink from a cup or similar.
Is your DD confident enough to say ‘I can use a mug’, or just stop sending her there.
You could always serve your MIL her tea in a bottle when she visits, if she comments say ‘well you clearly like serving drinks in baby bottles’ .

Bananacake20 · 12/11/2019 10:53

Sounds like they are trying to baby her, especially using the words ''bocky tea'' - she's 5!! My niece had a bottle until she was 4 because her mum wanted to baby her and keep her small because she was her last child. Used to make me cringe seeing her drink a baby bottle of milk in her school uniform. They should not be undermining you and saying things like ''dont tell mum'' she's your child and you need to put your foot down and if they can't respect your wishes that you have nicely put across to them then don't let her stay there until they do. What do they gain from giving her a bottle? It can't be to settle her if she's drinking from a cup at home. Seems they're just doing it for the sake of it and you are not being unreasonable at all.

Greyponcho · 12/11/2019 10:54

WTF is a “bocky tea”?

ineedawee · 12/11/2019 10:57

"don't tell mummy" WTF?!

SarahAndQuack · 12/11/2019 10:57

What on earth is wrong with this?

Because they're plastic and in the mouth for a long time, and (presumably, given one of the children is a toddler), not sterilised.

Obviously we all share cups and wash them, but plastic that's been chewed by toddler teeth isn't very hygienic for very long (that's why you're meant to replace bottles every few months). If two or three children are sharing the same bottles, I would think they'll get unhygienic pretty fast.

Original poster

renniks · 12/11/2019 10:57

@Straycatstrut she's 5 not 3, I managed to get her off them at home at 3

OP posts:

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