To not want my daughter to have a bottle!

[renniks]

Long story short my DD is nearly 5 years old. She was a nite mare when younger for a bottle I managed to fully get her off them at home just after she turned 3. However when she goes to MIL and SIL for sleepover they still give her a bottle!

I've told them numerous times she doesn't need a baby bottle at this age but it falls on deaf ears.

AIBU to not want my almost 5 year old to be drinking out of a baby's bottle

@Straycatstrut almost 5 sorry

Mine use them because they're too clumsy and spill the entire contents everywhere or leave them in stupid places for the baby to grab hold of. Until they can be trusted or everyone in the house is old enough not to spill things, the straw cups are going nowhere.

My boys still manage to spill the ones with straws. I make them mop up the mess now, they're learning... .

“Don't tell mummy" would 100% cement the fact that my child would never be sleeping at theirs again.“
Seriously? Extreme Overreaction much?
I read here such atrocities by grandparents and family alike and , OP, you’d take advice to stop the contact because they give her occasionally the bottle?
Unless, that bottle is filled with heroin you are being massively massively overreacting.

And what’s wrong with the bottle once in a while? Even damage to teeth is overplayed. Shes 5!

Jesus weeps reading the drama it is created here.
I was reading of the woman that was going to lie to get some sleep because she gets fuckall support and then I read this and I am shaking my head in disbelief.

Also forgot to add - you must have really persevered with weaning your little one from her bottle in the first place which makes it even more annoying they're going behind your back as if they're giving her some kind of 'treat' her mum doesn't give her. When the truth is you've done the right thing as a parent which is best for her and they're taking back your hard work as a way to seem more popular with your child and that's just odd.

Oh, yeuch. And yes, just seen the OP's post about them sharing and getting ill. So I am guessing the toddler doesn't necessarily stick to his/her bottle while actually drinking, so your child is drinking backwash milk.

I would be really struggling with that.

@Straycatstrut, the OP's DD is nearly 5, not 3. She said her DD was 3 when she weaned her off bottles.

@Bananacake20 yes to the point I was having to lie in bed with her for over an hour some times up to 3 hours until she fell asleep because she would just scream for the bottle, then she would wake numerous times in the night for more bottles. I was knackered but they never offered support then or offered her for sleepovers.
Now the hard bit is all done and over they're trying to undo something that took work and patience.

Sorry for you that think I am being pathetic

Oh, god, I remember that stage of the screaming for bottles!

I wish I'd got mine off them sooner, but it is hard.

Ohhh that still wouldn't fuss me @renniks, it seems to be her comfort thing. I'd just let her have it in private. Same thing with my 3yr old and a dummy and his buggy. People think he's too old, but they are things that are important to him for his comfort, especially since his dad left, and losing his enjoyment of activities after surgery. I think people are way too quick to take away comforts from young children.

I read something about a poster cutting up their 3 year olds comfort blanket in front of them because they thought she was too old for one, it broke my heart!

Another idea, if you are definitely wanting to do it is like a "bottle fairy" thing? You know like people do with dummies? The bottle fairy leaves her a replacement present, like a cuddly toy? Then you tell MIL and SIL that's the plan.

A fucking “bocky tea”?! Good grief.

But OP has already got rid of the bottles in her own house. MIL and SIL know this but give a bottle at their house where they are still being used for younger children. I wouldn't be happy either

You are being completely reasonable. I can send you some links to medical articles on the importance of moving away from an infantile swallowing pattern if you want. I need to go out now, but PM me if you are interested.

If your wishes aren't being respected, then I'd suggest she doesn't stay with MIL and SIL for a while as you can' trust them.

Is there a particular reason that she is there for a sleepover/without you?

If not, then I wouldn't be leaving her there anymore.

"bocky tea"

Bleurgh!

But really the "don't tell mummy" is the most important thing as it suggests to me that they don't give a fuck as long as they do what they want.

Why do you send her for sleepovers with the inlaws if they don't respect your wishes?

I wouldn’t let her go to these people for a sleepover. They are disrespecting you as a mother and treating your 5 year old like a 5 month old. Add to that they are asking her not to tell you which is really alarming. You are not being unreasonable in expecting them to treat your school age child as a one and not give her a babies bottle so no more sleepovers.

First off I am not ok with anyone telling my child to keep secrets from me ever (with the exception of a surprise or gift for me).

Personally I am very uptight about people following my rules when it comes to my kid but if you otherwise trust these people with your children I would have turned a blind eye to the bottle, my eldest was 4 when our youngest was born and she was forever pinching dummies when she got the chance, in the end I gave up, she would sneak it under her pillow put it in her mouth after we tucked her in and I would take it away when I checked on her once she was asleep. She is 6 now and doesn't do it anymore.

If I had someone who was otherwise good with my kids, I could trust them to keep them safe and love them then an occasional bottle would be the least of my worries. We have the 6 and 2 year old and my husband and I have never had a night away together except the night our son was born and only had one night out together as we can't trust my inlaws with the kids and I am pretty much NC with my own mum, NC with my dad.

No particular reason she sleeps over just that she wants/likes to.

I’m surprised she would even drink from it. My four year old definitely wouldn’t and I don’t think my (just turned) three year old would either.

I agree about no more sleepovers or unsupervised contact. They can’t be trusted and whilst it might be about something minor, at some point it might not be. I wouldn’t feel happy to leave my child with someone I didn’t trust.

Don’t let her go
Rediculous they are giving her a bottle at her age ,and the fact you say no

If they can't respect your (very reasonable) parenting choice then it's time you put your foot down and declined unsupervised visits to them.

Maybe I'm over reacting I just thought as her mom it should be my way or no way

Well it is to a certain extent but if this is an ongoing issue then why do they have her overnight? Do you need them for childcare? Would it bother you if they no longer had her at all?

I may get flame for this but honestly when they are older this s going to be such a non issue. FWIW you are right that she doesn't need a bottle and that you are her mom but if this is the absolute worse they do and generally all else is good then it is probably easier to let it go. Yes she is your child but they are still her family.

Is a 'bocky tea' weak tea in a bockle (bottle)? I can't think of what else in might be.

A cup of tea in a bottle of your wondering what a a bocky tea is

Yeah I think she won't be going there for a while and when they ask why, I will politely but sternly say until she is treated like a young girl and not a little baby she will be keeping well away