To be angry with MIL's demand

[Arabiannights01]

My DH has told me that his Mother wants our DS once a month for the whole weekend. I was really startled when my DH decided to whimsically make this statement on putting our DS to bed.

Aibu to be annoyed that: A) she didn't ask me, b) she makes no effort to see DS apart from the odd invitation to a family gathering twice a year, c) sick of hearing the odd snide comment about DS spending more time with my DM, d) think that as An ex social worker she should know better than to place a demand like this.

My DS has just turned two, he is a sensitive little soul and he hates being anywhere without me - it has taken two years for him to settle at nursery.

Another point to make is that they live 60 miles away from us and my DH often works weekends and long weeks so his time with DS is precious and I have told her this before.

AIBU? What would you say to her? Thank you.

She didn’t ask you, she asked your DP. So he can say no.

I have two teenagers she can have #all sorted

I cannot fathom all these in laws wanting overnight contact with a baby/toddler on their own

So are their different rules for the woman's parents? Can you fathom them wanting overnight contact?

My DH has told me that his Mother wants our DS once a month for the whole weekend.

No thank you.

I would try to be that diplomatic for the sake of my husband, and my child, and that would be a more polite reply that the "you must be fucking joking" that would be more honest.

Because really, she hasn't offer to babysit to help you out, to stay over night once if you needed it so your child gets used to the idea. It's straight to one weeekend at her place when it suits HER without any regard for you, helping you or just being a normal person?

Good luck with her OP, but perfectly reasonable to decline politely.

What did your DP say? Hopefully he shut her right down?

Do women really ask to have other people’s babies and small children stay over at their houses ?
Seriously, would they have considered sending their small child/ baby to stay overnight at the in laws ?
Some people are positively deluded it appears

1morewine - DS sees my DM approximately once a month if that. However my DM FaceTimes him almost everyday and she helped me a lot when he was a newborn so they have a strong bond.

Token - I used the word 'demand' because that is usually what she does. I know that if she were to politely ask then she'd do it when we are altogether and we are going to see her on Sunday so she could have easily waited.

I am definitely not allowing this arrangement. I am upset that my DH omitted to telling her it would be a No, especially when he doesn't spend enough quality time with DS himself. I am always the bad guy in her eyes.

I am going to keep reading these reponses in preparation for Sunday so thank you all so much.

What is with all these MILs trying to play mum? Know your role FFS.

...until your DIL expects you to provide childcare for her. Then of course playing mum will be your role.

Agree there’s nothing wrong with asking her son. He’s her son...why would she pass over him to come to you?

In other news, yanbu. Just say no. But bear this in mind though - there will come a time when you will be delighted to have some time to yourselves and will relish a willing overnight babysitter. Be careful how you go forward with this...don’t shoot yourself in the foot.

Muppet show - exactly that because whenever my DM looks after DS it is usually because she is doing a favour for DH and I.

Ah yes of course, your own mother is wonderful.

A bit fat no wouldn’t be unreasonable in my opinion. Nothing wrong with them spending time but a whole weekend a month when he’s 2 and Dad sometimes working weekends is a bit much. Surely weekends are for family time especially mum and dad

Just tell her it's not happening. No discussion. She's a CF.

No because he’s our child and we’ll be doing things with him at weekends you barmy woman

Not really the point of the thread, but your son is 2 and has been in nursery for 2 years?

@pictish

Her own mother isn’t then one asking for her Dc for a full weekend each month!

Wanting isn’t getting.

If it gets mentioned again say no. You can say hello, No’ or be polite and say ‘he is too young for a sleepover’, ‘No thanks, I will miss hi. Too much’, ‘we don’t get enough time together as it is’.

Or you could send him for one sleepover after filling him with sugar telling him that grandma will let him do whatever he wants, and you MIL will never offer again! Problem solved!

Sorry...just what exactly is wrong with a grandmother wanting to have her wee grandson stay with her for the sheer delight of it?

What a miserable bunch you all are. God almighty she’s allowed to want that...and yes, she’s even allowed to broach it with her son. They don’t have agree but ffs, she can ask!

My mum used to have ds1 for weekends just because she loved him. Fancy that!

No.

Not happening.

No chance whatsover.

Nada.

Nope.

Nine.

Most definitely not a snowball in hells chance.

Either you can say all of the above or simply send it in message form.

Would you all say the same about your own mums?
Nope!

She seems to be under the impression she's a parent, not a grandparent.

What if she offered to have him for one night per month to allow you to have a child free date night - would you view that differently?

@pictish @TokenGinger totally agree.

She asked her son, the child's father.

And what's wrong with asking to, god forbid spend time with her grandchild.

Honestly MiLs can't win here sometimes.

Mil's seem to get totally demonised on here. We only ever hear the one side though.
Your mil may have just asked your husband, did he use the word 'demanded?'
Maybe she feels not welcome at your place.
My sons used to stay with my mum, from an early age, who lived 70 miles away , quite regularly, they were really close to her.
Obviously your situation is different, and it's sad she doesn't see her grandson more often.
I don't understand though, about her making snide remarks, when you only see her twice a year?

Would you all say the same about your own mums
Nope!

I absolutely would.